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Need advice...family telling him what to do


Babygriz

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I need some advice. I am 45 and I started seeing this guy who is 30. I never ever thought going into this that we would be together for years and have kids. Im just dating for fun. We have only seen each other twice, he lives 4 hours away but the problem is that he has never dated anyone. Hand holding, kissing, even just spending time with someone other than family is all new and foreign to him. We held hands in.his truck and out and about and he said yes he liked it a lot but it makes him uncomfortable. I told him other girls would want the hand holding too. Not just me..so he'd better get used to it. I dont know what to do here. He doesnt even know what the term dating is. He is not a virgin, one time thing, but recently he told his family how old I was and they flipped. He is very protected by his family and all he has is a brother, sister in law and his dad. He has been babied his whole life and although he works and owns a car etc, he had to get his sister in law to change a phone bill because he didnt know how. He also just got his first cell phone. Hes never been to a grocery store or anything like that. He said that they feel its too serious, that he and I should be friends only. I told him that we are just dating..I never thought I would marry him or have his kids. Its just fun. He is one of those that listens to his family and lets them make decisions for him or gets into his head because he is so naive. Everything was great with us until his family found out my age. They even met me and didnt know my age until he told them after I went home. Im about ready to tell him Im done because if his inexperience and family drama. This was supposed to be just dating and his family is making mountains out of molehills. I told him that he will date many girls before he settles down..but he is 30! and Im the first one he has dated! He said when I left and his family said things about me he cried to his sister in law. His sister told him that his feelngs for me are getting close to love. That scared him. Should I call it quits? or just keep going as it is..its hard because he is so inexperienced and its getting to be more of a pain than fun.

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Although he doesn't have a living mother, it's akin to being a mama's boy, which you should avoid like the plague. He's allowed himself to be coddled by his family and he let's them make his decisions for him. You can't just blame the family. There are people who have the gumption to set boundaries or walk away from overbearing families. He's not one of the strong ones.

 

Even at 17, I had the maturity and brains to leave a mama's boy I'd dated for two years in the dust.

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Perhaps he is slightly slow or mentally disabled and his family still care for him? Maybe this is why they flipped when he told them about you? You should really not be dating anyone who is not on your level.

 

How did you meet?

I am 45 and I started seeing this guy who is 30. Im just dating for fun. Hand holding, kissing, even just spending time with someone other than family is all new and foreign to him.
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Although he doesn't have a living mother, it's akin to being a mama's boy, which you should avoid like the plague. He's allowed himself to be coddled by his family and he let's them make his decisions for him. You can't just blame the family. There are people who have the gumption to set boundaries or walk away from overbearing families. He's not one of the strong ones.

 

Even at 17, I had the maturity and brains to leave a mama's boy I'd dated for two years in the dust.

 

Thnx for this. He wanted me to talk to his family which is very weird for me because I dated before but he hasnt. Since I wont be there for a few weeks, I wrote a note and he is showing it to them. They are nice ppl just very protective. He was a mamas boy, his mom passed away last month. But yes I have the intentions of saying buh bye if his fsmily still is giving a hard time about it.

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Two dates, four hours away, mentally/emotionally challenged, no dating experience - at all - at 30? This fun and easy dating situation doesn't sound fun or easy. Leave him to someone better suited to devote the time and patience to meet his special needs.

I have the patience and time but we both knew going into this that it was just dating. It isnt fun atm but when we are together it is. We have loads of fun, hiking, quads, shopping etc..it was just his dad and sister finding out my age..why he wanted me to write something to them.

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Perhaps he is slightly slow or mentally disabled and his family still care for him? Maybe this is why they flipped when he told them about you? You should really not be dating anyone who is not on your level.

 

How did you meet?

 

We met at a park close to his home. I was with my sister on a trip. We hit it off and asked me if I would come back to see him. He is just coddled by his family. He was a mamas boy until she passed. She did everything for him and the dad, now that she is gone, the sister in law does it now. They had us getting married, kids and divorcing already. They put so much into his head that he is freaking out. But mentally challenged no, he is fine and good and we have a great time together but for me its just too dramatic and he is like a boy in a mans body. He will always have issues with women.

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I'd head for the hills. This poor guy has too much baggage and interference going on in his life for him to be able to have a normal relationship with any female. I bet they would not like you even if you were his age or younger. You are an intruder and they dont like it. Time to decide if he's worth the nonsense you are going to get.

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I'd head for the hills. This poor guy has too much baggage and interference going on in his life for him to be able to have a normal relationship with any female. I bet they would not like you even if you were his age or younger. You are an intruder and they dont like it. Time to decide if he's worth the nonsense you are going to get.

 

Lol! I hear you, exactly what I told him! that they wont like anyone he brings home regardless of age etc. He will always have issues and speaking of which, he is at home today from work because he is sick to his stomach from all of this. His family started all of it and he cant even see that.

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UPDATE: I told him to hit the road or at least I was. I told him that I liked him a lot and wanted to keep seeing him and dating him but that it was too much drama for me. Once I told him I was done, he freaked out and said that his family never said he couldnt date me at all, that they advised it only. He said he wants to be with me and date but that he was scared. So I then said all this week it has been you creating this drama by over thinking and worrying too much.? Now remember this is a guy who has never hung out with anyone other than his family and never held hands, cuddled, kissed..nothing. He said well if we will never get married, whats the point in dating? I said thats what dating is. He said well if we wont be together forever then why should we date? For me, my feelings have changed on all of it. He is thinking way too much about it all. I for one, dont want to be with anyone who has us breaking up before we even get started. Total nightmare and he will have the same issues with someone else and unless she is retarded she will kick him to the curb too.

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He may not be retarded per se but this isn't someone playing with a full deck, right?

UPDATE: I told him to hit the road or at least I was.Total nightmare and he will have the same issues with someone else and unless she is retarded she will kick him to the curb too.

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I have no idea..in person he is pretty normal but this is what happens when a kid is coddled and babied too much. You get him. Not able to function at all.

 

As someone has already said, most people, even when they're coddled by their friends and family, have some ounce of nous about them to know when things have gone too far and they need to become more independent. Or even get to a point where they physically can't take people being so overbearing. Maybe he does have some kind of learning disability... it's not always easy to tell. Either way, he's clearly not suited to your "just dating/having fun" ways and you need to find someone on your level. Good luck X

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