Broken up but going on holiday in 4 days

[Merkaa]

This is a long story between me and my boyfriend (ex? I don't know)

I have been with him for 5 years, since I was 16 and I love him so much but sometimes things go wrong.

We have never cheated on each other but there has been times where he has been in bed with another girl in another country, and hes 'touched' her for 10 seconds, then ran out of the room to tell me immediately. I have also screwed up, like at a festival I got lost with another man and although nothing happened, my BF broke up with me, saying he couldnt trust me as we were away for a longer period of time than usual. A year later, infront of my boyfriend I dirty danced with his mate. I was exceptionally drunk and I didn't see anything wrong as my boyfriend was there too. After that fight we got back together, went to his native country for 10 days with his grandparents, and then he took me to Paris for a weekend for our 5 year anniversary.

A month on, he is still paranoid and after a night of drinking he went through my phone whilst I was asleep and read messages from a group chat of me and two of my colleagues. They were banter but he took certain things to heart such as 'wow so and so flirt more than me and Merkaa' and other things from 3 months ago..... He woke up the next morning and asked me to leave, but I didnt and we slept together twice and cuddled and kissed as normal. He was funny with me again in teh evening but let me stay over. the next morning that was it, and since then hehasn't wanted to speak to me.

He said he doesn't love me anymore, that he has felt this way in a while and it over for good.

I am heartbroken.

Add into the mix that on Saturday, 4 days time, we are going on holiday with our couple friends (he is close with the boy and i am close with the girl through her boyfriend) It's their grandparents apartment so we only paid for flights. My Bf has said eh is not going and wants to go to Munich instead. He has now blocked my number after attempts to persuade him to come on holiday. he has now told the other couple that he is not coming and we are over for good.

 

What do i do?!?!

I cant go on holiday as a three with just them two and be miserable without my boyfriend.

Do I turn up to his house tonight (he lives with his parents and younger brother) just a day after him blocking me to try and make things right?

 

I need to know peoples advice ASAP as time is of the essence.

[jjkk]

What about changing your travel plans and use your ticket money to go somewhere else another time?

[Merkaa]

Hi, I appreciate the fast response.

We booked with a really low budget airline and I am sure there is no way of getting a refund, only the tax. I have this problem before.

I genuinely think this holiday could save our relationship I need to make him come somehow.

[jjkk]

Well you can beg and plead but I truly believe eventually the outcome will be the same...you will be broken up. I wouldn't suggest going to his house and trying to get him to go with you. Have some pride and self respect. It sounds like it's time to accept that it's over and start to move on. If you think you can go along on holiday and make the best of it, go for it!! If you truly believe you will be miserable and make it miserable for the other couple, take it as a money loss.

[Wiseman2]

Please maintain your dignity and stop chasing and stalking a guy who repeatedly breaks up with you, doesn't trust you, cheats on you,tells you he doesn't love you and generally treats you like dirt.

 

Either cancel your plans or go and have fun. But do not stalk him at his house after he breaks up with you and blocks you. Get your self esteem together. It's over, stop chasing.

 

You got together way too young for way too long and you have been conditioned into accepting this horrible treatment and grossly unhealthy relationship.

 

Go no contact and block him so you can heal and move on to a decent guy who treats you with love and respect. Get some therapy for your self esteem and to learn what healthy relationships look like.

he has been in bed with another girl in another country. he went through my phone whilst I was asleep. He woke up the next morning and asked me to leave. Do I turn up to his house tonight just a day after him blocking me to try and make things right?

[Merkaa]

I feel though that this is so new and we have got over worse so I can't just throw in the towel. I know what you are saying completely as this could go very wrong but I need him to know that I tried.

If I just leave it at this I know I will drive myself crazy and end up harassing him on Whatsapp (only thing I am not blocked on)... not that I would mean to but because I am just desperate for him to hear me out.

We haven't spoken now for almost 24 hours and I think he should have calmed down in this time and be willing to listen to me?

 

I really appreciate the advice

[Wiseman2]

He threw in the towel. It Over! He Blocked You! Stop stalking! Get Into Therapy. You are stalking and harassing and those behaviors are unhealthy and illegal.

 

One day his he and his family will get a retaining order against you or have you arrested for trespassing and you'll have a criminal record and your parents will be paying for an expensive defense attorney. Stop It.Talk to your parents about your behaviors and get some help.

I can't just throw in the towel. I will drive myself crazy and end up harassing him on Whatsapp only thing I am not blocked on

[jjkk]

It sounds like you're determined to talk to him so best of luck. I do agree that you need to do what you feel is best for you at this time and if that means going and talking to him, do it but PLEASE keep your self respect and don't beg. If he refuses to hear you out, walk away, head high and block and delete him on everything. Don't get caught up in a cycle of wishful thinking where you run back and beg and plead just to feel better in the moment.

[Merkaa]

Let me just stress this has all happened less than 3 days ago and I haven't messaged him or made any contact for 24 hours. I am entitled to feel sad and down and want to get his attention, this is my first ever break up with my first love so please be a bit kinder Wiseman2. I don't know where you are from but here we don't go to therapy for things like this, and people don't put a restraining order against people for wanting to try and make contact 2.5 days after a break up. I appreciate your feedback, I have never been on a forum before so I guess people are quite tough on here. I think maybe I was looking for support and someone to back me up on my decisions. It isn't as easy than it is for the outsider looking in.

 

jjkk I suppose I have already made my mind up and will give it one last chance to persuade him tonight. I am not doing myself any favours by sitting at work feeling hopeless like I should be doing more. It's not just me, I am gutted things are over but I know that going away will help things and we can at least be civil, but the other couple are really sad too and want me to try and put things right so we can all go away together.

I will take your advice and if he gets angry or doesn't want to know I will walk away.

[pippy longstocking]

If I just leave it at this I know I will drive myself crazy and end up harassing him on Whatsapp (only thing I am not blocked on)... not that I would mean to but because I am just desperate for him to hear me out.

We haven't spoken now for almost 24 hours and I think he should have calmed down in this time and be willing to listen to me?

 

If you return to this forum in a month and read that ^^^^ you will wince darling , you will kick yourself and you will kick us if we don't talk some sense into you . You want him to hear you out , at this rate he will never want to hear your voice again , ever ...keep you self respect and your dignity , he doesn't want to go on holiday , you may think it will sort you both out , he doesn't want to sort it out . Hugs x I know it is hard , but you are in crazy street . We have all been there .

[pippy longstocking]

jjkk I suppose I have already made my mind up and will give it one last chance to persuade him tonight.

 

dear god .... stop , it is like the opening line to insanity

[Wiseman2]

Good Luck. If you don't get the response you want, what will be your course of action?

I am entitled to feel sad and down and want to get his attention. I have already made my mind up and will give it one last chance to persuade him tonight.

[Merkaa]

I suppose my next plan of action if it doesn't work would be to use next weeks annual leave to have time alone and work out where I go from here

[Merkaa]

I do appreciate the quick responses and am now seriously doubting my decision to go tonight, I will let you know how I get on. You guys are a lot stronger than I am.

Would any of you out of interest still go on holiday as a third wheel? I'm quite out-going and am happy to go off on my own for the day and am close with the couple but wouldn't know what they would think with me going alone with them.

[Wiseman2]

There are three options. Don't go or go and have fun or invite a friend/date along.

I'm quite out-going and am happy to go off on my own for the day and am close with the couple but wouldn't know what they would think with me going alone with them.

[jjkk]

I'm pretty sure I'd still go. I can't say for sure because I've never been in your situation but knowing myself I'm quite certain I'd still go and make the best of it. It's a good distraction and a statement of your independence from the relationship.

[Merkaa]

I'm pretty sure I'd still go. I can't say for sure because I've never been in your situation but knowing myself I'm quite certain I'd still go and make the best of it. It's a good distraction and a statement of your independence from the relationship.

I really like that. thanks

[MissCanuck]

Good heavens girl, I know you are hurting, but do not show up uninvited at his house.

 

You need to display a lot more self-respect and dignity. If he doesn't want to go, he is free to make that choice. It's not a wise idea to go chasing after people who have asked us to stay out of their lives.

[Merkaa]

Hi all I didn't go last night. He spoke to the other couple who are going on holiday, to say he is also finding this hard etc so although it seems he is no longer angry, I am going to leave this now. Thanks for all the advice.

[pippy longstocking]

Hi all I didn't go last night. He spoke to the other couple who are going on holiday, to say he is also finding this hard etc so although it seems he is no longer angry, I am going to leave this now. Thanks for all the advice.

 

merkaa I am so proud of you , if that doesn't sound patronising .. you hold your head up high now girl , you deserve to .

[Unscrewed]

I'm a little bit late to this and it seems you have found a solution. I can only tell you my experience and hope that you can relate to it.

 

I broke up with my now ex a nearly two months ago. I did all the begging and pleading and bargaining in the first three days. And you know what? I didn't regret it one bit. I don't view those behaviors as mistakes, or giving them labels such as immature or unhealthy, I saw them as perfectly natural. Look, at that moment, I was absolutely heartbroken and honestly, I didn't give a crap about his 'space'. I didn't expect him to listen to me, but I needed to know that at least I had tried my best to save the relationship and I needed to confirm that it was over official, leaving no place for regret. After that, I went NC. Not because of something as abstract like self-respect or dignity, I knew that more pleading and begging would just be an exercise in futility, no point in carrying on. I say that it's ok to go crazy after BU, as long as you know when to stop (preferably after a few days). I also suggest that if you have something to tell him now, go ahead and tell it, no point in stewing over it. I also didn't really care how I appeared to my ex either, never bothered to try to act 'strong'. I just tried to make myself be better, and well, it worked!

 

Things will smooth out for you eventually, don't push yourself to hard, indulge in the sadness, the next days, weeks, and months gonna be tough. But you will get there

[Merkaa]

Hi Unscrewed,

Thanks so much for your post. I really do appreciate it.

 

I do have an update - he unblocked me and sent me a message to say he only blocked me in the first place to stop him saying anything nasty. He invited me round, and when I went we had a sensible and mature conversation and he has asked if he can still come on holiday, which he is. Things seem to have slipped back to normal and I am really hopeful that we can pick up where we left off.

 

Thanks to everyone for their advice, I really did appreciate it and found it very useful. Although things are back to normal I am happy you all took the time to give me your advice, and it certainly helped get things resolved.

 

Merkaa