In love with a man of New york....he wants to move on.

[Maeve494]

Hello everyone,

 

My name is Maeve, i live in Canada, I dated a man from New York for almost 3 years.

I don't really know how to bring the topic, because some of you might think i am crazy.

 

I discover 3 weeks ago that my ex was planning to replace me with a woman of his own country. Knowing we were still together, i found out in one of his website, that he created a graiglist meeting website and this woman apparently reply to him to meet him. In his message he was saying that he was considering her in 2 years....

 

We were together....and he was considering another woman? Is that normal?.....i don't think so.

 

So i call him and ask him was was that about?

 

He was shock that i learn about his affair.....

 

He broke up giving me as excuse that he was upset that i was not wanting to change job (he look for links for me, but i already have a good job full time) and he was upset because i told him that he was doing nothing with his life (school 2 days a week), and instead of looking for a job for me....he should look for himself......

 

Anyway....

 

After that, he refuse to talk to me, he reject all my phone call, he only kept me on Skype for connection, but he never go on it.....

 

i try to contact him on his meeting website, he went back on his Skype telling me: Do not contact me again.

 

I did not talk to him since then (it was 2 days ago).

 

I don't even know why he went looking for another woman, keep asking myself what i did wrong since i thought everything was fine even if we are away from each other....( we saw each other regulary even if we are in a different country).

 

 

i talk to 4 fortune tellers, all versions are différents....so i dont know where to stand.....

 

he is on meeting website as we speak....refusing any contact with me....

 

What should i do? Do you think he will recontact me since he kept me on his Skype?

 

Thank you for all your answer.

[Rising100]

So he didnt tell you why he went looking for another woman?

He must have had a reason but what makes it worst is that he didnt tell you and didnt come forward with what was really going on.

No its not normal for him to do that.

Its over, what can I say...

[ParisPaulette]

Honey, it doesn't take a fortune teller to be able to tell you there are so many red flags with this guy that seriously you have to be questioning why you didn't just run the other way a long time ago. You have a good job, but he wants to control you to go find another job? And putting up ads on Craigslist to replace you with the first warm body that responds?

 

Yeah, I think you need to go talk to a therapist. They will give you far better answer than any scam artist charging you money will. Any fortune teller who even begins to say anything to you other than run away as fast as you can, you need to get your money back pronto.

 

I can certainly tell you there is nothing healthy or normal about this relationship and if you call that love then you need to take time off of all relationships, work on your self-esteem and self-respect, and then you might start to understand what real love is. Because that's not it nor is anyone who treats you like that.

[Maeve494]

Thanks for your answers:

 

Rising100: Nope, he did not even tell me, he just reply: How do you know about my information? So i ask him back why he wanted to replace me? and then he said he was not happy with me because i wanted to keep my job (i am a house keeper in a hotel full time) and because i told him he is doing nothing with his life....that he should find a part time job to pay his dept instead of looking for me (he owes 33 000$ of dept for school)....so why looking for me? I don't have any depts.....

 

ParisPaulette: I guess i am in dependance since he was my real first lover....the last time i saw him in real, it was the last week of june this year, he bring back my stuff......he said it was a gift for me....At the moment it makes me feel like it would be the last time we would spend together....he told me to not think that, that it mean nothing....but, i felt something invade me with the negative idea that it was our last times together.....

 

For the fortune tellers....i only pay one of them (50$) and only her seems to have said the truth.....

that it was the end of the relationship....that my ex would contact me again (i suppose it must be his message *don't contact me again*)

until now everything she said happen....and then he was suppose to come for christmas....she told me he would not,.....

 

so....therapist....yes.....everyone keep saying that....but it does not give me the answer why......why he look somewhere else....and it did not give me the answer....will he come back on skype to talk to me since, its the only way i can contact him.....(except he never go on it)

 

thank you for your answer

[Rising100]

Thanks for your answers:

 

Rising100: Nope, he did not even tell me, he just reply: How do you know about my information? So i ask him back why he wanted to replace me? and then he said he was not happy with me because i wanted to keep my job (i am a house keeper in a hotel full time) and because i told him he is doing nothing with his life....that he should find a part time job to pay his dept instead of looking for me (he owes 33 000$ of dept for school)....so why looking for me? I don't have any depts.....

 

ParisPaulette: I guess i am in dependance since he was my real first lover....the last time i saw him in real, it was the last week of june this year, he bring back my stuff......he said it was a gift for me....At the moment it makes me feel like it would be the last time we would spend together....he told me to not think that, that it mean nothing....but, i felt something invade me with the negative idea that it was our last times together.....

 

For the fortune tellers....i only pay one of them (50$) and only her seems to have said the truth.....

that it was the end of the relationship....that my ex would contact me again (i suppose it must be his message *don't contact me again*)

until now everything she said happen....and then he was suppose to come for christmas....she told me he would not,.....

 

so....therapist....yes.....everyone keep saying that....but it does not give me the answer why......why he look somewhere else....and it did not give me the answer....will he come back on skype to talk to me since, its the only way i can contact him.....(except he never go on it)

 

thank you for your answer

 

Sometimes when people end it, they dont even tell you why.

Yea its wrong but "some" people are like that, so you just move on from this and get yourself together. Heal with time and just let this go.

[ParisPaulette]

why he look somewhere else....and it did not give me the answer....will he come back on skype to talk to me since, its the only way i can contact him.....(except he never go on it)

 

He's looking somewhere else, because he doesn't want an exclusive, monogamous, loyal, honest relationship - with you and likely not with anyone else either, because good loyal honest people don't feel a need to place ads on Craigslist looking for sex or women or men. They just tell the truth, hard as that may be that they have lost interest and are breaking up with you.

 

The bad ones don't. They usually will hang around and use you while also using other people, which it sounds is like what he's done.

 

And hoping he contacts you? In all truth, with this one, I know as much as it hurts you will get to a point where you'll be glad he disappeared. If he contacts you it will be for all the wrong reasons, because what you keep overlooking is what his actions say about his innate character, his personality, how he feels he can treat people.

 

You can't turn an a&&hat into a good man, or woman, or silk purse. And keep in mind firsts are just that - only the first of something. A first love seldom lasts any more than a first job or first car. You will get over it and heal and you need to start working right now on being able to distinguish toxic people from good ones.

 

It's not how you feel about them that matters, so much when having a good relationship as it is, what kind of a person are they and what kind of a person do they make you? Love is supposed to enhance a life, to be one more good thing in an already full life, it's not the be all end all of life, and it's not something that is supposed to make you unhappy or miserable.

 

Block him on all channels, make a conscious choice to move on, maybe head over to this website: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk. to read up on relationship issues. There's an awful lot of good material on there to help you and it helped me tremendously when I was going through a really bad breakup with a toxic partner.

 

Tell yourself you deserve more and better, because you do.

[SkellyWoozle]

He's looking elsewhere because he's a gutless slug who cannot be honest. He'll probably do the same to the next and the next and the next. You caught him out and he's p*ss*d about it. You absolutely deserve better than this idiot - be glad you found out what a creep he is and move on. Find someone who cares for and respects you more than this horrible individual. Good luck and be strong X

[Maeve494]

Hello,

 

Thank you for your answers....but i still need your help....

How can we get rid of a affective dependance???

 

You see.....i live in the past of this relationship remembering the good moments i had with this slug

I would like to live the life i use to have before i met him....no more thinking of him, no more obssesion about him....

 

I keep working and see people....but at the minute i am alone i cry and feel lonely....

I don't know what to do anymore

 

I don't have the desire to do anything....

i talk to the phone with him last night (after a month without talking to him)

 

I ask him if he did miss me at least....and he say no, not at all, that he was happy since he was free.....

 

I know its stupid....but if make me feel so sad.....its like nothing about us mean something to him.