We have a great relationship but contact is an issue?

[Lumanos]

Boyfriend (1 and a half years) has always sucked at texting. Especially after he started working (2 months ago) he doesn't text as much. I've talked to him and he says that he rarely comes online anyway and when he does it's for work mostly. His job does stress him out and he can go days without contacting me. Its normal for him but I become a nervous wreck and that makes me feel like I don't have a life compared to him. It's the weekend and he's been out having fun with family and friends but no contact at all. It's normal for him and when we meet it's wonderful! What do I do? Is it normal?

[gibbsjoan85]

in my perception probably half of it is true and half of it is a lie.. because you know what when you really love that person you have to make a way to contact him/her everyday just to let them know how much you love them. Your day will not complete without a connection with such a person, thats base on my experience anyway.

[Lumanos]

He's affectionate when we meet , rarely comes online, only during the night. Is this worthy of break up?

[milly007]

If you discussed this concern with him, and he doesn't believe he can change, it comes down to whether or not this is something you can live with.

[cucumber95]

Is it worth break up? Well, think about how much you love him, if he is everything/whole world to you, then no its not worth

[nao]

Not sending 500 text a day it is normal, but disappearing for days, I would not call that normal... There are people who don t like texting, I don t like texting, because usually people don t get satisfied just with one answer, they want to text for hours and I hate that, I don t have time for that...

If he is wonderful in person I wouldn t worry...

But since this is a problem for you, just try to convince him, that all you need is one quick text, you need to know that he is all right, because you are worried especially when is out for days.

When he texts you, just try to be brief in your answers, assure him, that you appreciate his text and wish him fun but don t ask anything, so he won t have to answer, don t keep him away from work, or friends with your texting, because that is just annoying...

[Andrina]

How old are you two? How often do you get together? Has he introduced you to his family and friends? Some people aren't glued to their phones, but it seems like he'd want to have a conversation with his longtime girlfriend at least once a day. What do your friends think of him? Do they see red flags? The thing is, if you want something, ask for it. Tell him you miss him when you're apart and would love to hear his voice once a day. When a person cares, they will want to please you and this is a reasonable request and easily fulfilled. If he ignores what you want, maybe he doesn't care as much as you think. Take care.

[IAmFCA]

Is this relationship giving you what you want? That's the real question.

 

Two things may help you, and both are in your control.

1. Let go of your hopes and dreams about the future with this man. Let them go. Detach from those ideas completely.

2. Say what you need and want, needing no explanation beyond "because I like it".

 

Either texting every day is important enough for you to request it, or it isnt. Speak up, or let it go.

[mandeelove]

I was just going through this with a guy I dated for 4 months. He never texted or called for full days. Only after work at night. Then fell off the text and said he fell asleep. He said he wasnt a phone guy but i expressed i needed that from day one. He didnt change. I brought it up a few times during 4 months. He didnt change. So i wound up being unhappy and tried to settle on his communication style but i wasnt true to me. So its over now. Id say be true to u...if u want this u have to say it. If he doesnt change can u live with no communication ? Thats what it comes down to.

[j.man]

We have a great relationship but contact is an issue

Errrr, "great relationship? You just posted less than a week ago about how you two had recently gotten back together after you two had broken up over:

 

"I made some pretty selfish mistakes during the past one year for which he kept forgiving me and giving more chances but my tendency to depend on him for the SMALLEST of things that I should let go but didn't (just to get his attention) drained him because i also put myself in pretty dangerous situations even after he warned me."

 

It sounds like you're on the path to making all the same mistakes all over again. Give the guy a chance to ease back in. Really, it sounds like you two getting back together is proving to be a dead cat bounce, but you'd stand the best chance giving the man space.

[katrina1980]

I was just going through this with a guy I dated for 4 months. He never texted or called for full days. Only after work at night. Then fell off the text and said he fell asleep. He said he wasnt a phone guy but i expressed i needed that from day one. He didnt change. I brought it up a few times during 4 months. He didnt change. So i wound up being unhappy and tried to settle on his communication style but i wasnt true to me. So its over now. Id say be true to u...if u want this u have to say it. If he doesnt change can u live with no communication ? Thats what it comes down to.

 

Your post is a great testament as to why it is a futile waste of time and energy to ask a man to text more, call more, see you more, give you more attention, love you more.

 

A man gives what he desires to give from his heart, not because a woman wasn't happy and had to ask him to. He will not and will most likely resent your asking and look at it as a demand.

 

You either accept and appreciate what he DOES give (in your case mande, nightly contact after work). Or you walk.

 

I DO agree with you in being true to YOURSELF!

 

OP, ask yourself why you need daily contact. Do you feel insecure and need it for reassurance purposes?

 

Do you need daily contact to maintain your connection to him?

 

I am not judging, we all need what we need.

 

But he is who he is too, being true to HIMSELF.... and apparently he does not need daily contact.

 

Does not mean he doesn't like/love you, just means he needs more space than you...which is okay too!

 

No wrong or right, you are just not compatible in that regard.

 

My advice would be to either learn to understand him better, and accept and appreciate what he *does* give you and things he does to make you happy ...... and if you cannot, do both of you a favor and walk so you can both find others more compatible.

 

As mande said though always be true to yourself!

 

Best of luck whatever you decide!

[mandeelove]

Your post is a great testament as to why it is a futile waste of time and energy to ask a man to text more, call more, see you more, give you more attention, love you more.

 

A man gives what he desires to give from his heart, not because a woman wasn't happy and had to ask him to. He will not and will most likely resent your asking and look at it as a demand.

 

You either accept and appreciate what he DOES give (in your case mande, nightly contact after work). Or you walk.

 

I DO agree with you in being true to YOURSELF!

 

OP, ask yourself why you need daily contact. Do you feel insecure and need it for reassurance purposes?

 

Do you need daily contact to maintain your connection to him?

 

I am not judging, we all need what we need.

 

But he is who he is too, being true to HIMSELF.... and apparently he does not need daily contact. He needs more space.

 

No wrong or right, you are just not compatible in that regard.

 

My advice would be to either learn to understand him better, and accept and appreciate what he *does* give you and things he does to make you happy ...... and if you cannot, do both of you a favor and walk so you can both find others more compatible.

 

As mande said though always be true to yourself!

 

Best of luck whatever you decide!

I agree with what u said. A man gives what he feels from his heart. If a guy is truly interested too, hed give before you ask. It would just be natural to want to talk to your gf/bf.

[Lumanos]

Your answer is the blow I needed. THANK YOU really. I'll calm down

[katrina1980]

I agree with what u said. A man gives what he feels from his heart. If a guy is truly interested too, hed give before you ask. It would just be natural to want to talk to your gf/bf.

 

He did connect with you though, every night after work. That was what was natural for him.

 

You are looking at it from YOUR perspective, what YOU need, what is natural for YOU.

 

Some people think it is *natural" to want to text all day long with their SO. Or see them every day.

 

Or to do everything together, no life outside of each other!

 

I can tell you no matter how in love I am, that would *not* be natural for me...or for many other people.

 

It would be suffocating, ugh!

 

My ex and I were together six years, lived together 2.5. We were both very much in love.

 

What was *natural* for us was allowing each other as much space as we needed, maintaining our own interests, doing our own thing from time to time, even separate vacays, and even spending some nights in different rooms, as odd as that sounds.

 

This worked for us cause it was what we both needed, what came natural for us, we were compatible in this regard.

 

At the end of the day though, there was a lot of love, trust, and commitment (from our hearts). which was the most important thing.