What have I done wrong?

[Jess1234h]

Hey, i was dating this guy for almost a year and he said that I was the one for him, he did not want to spend a single day without me.

I felt like he really meant it but then he went on a short trip with his parents. After that he had a stressful week at work (he's got his own business) and I didn't see him for a week. When I asked him what was going on and if I could help somehow he said he needed 'time to think'. After three days of complete silence he broke up with me, saying I deserved someone who could give me the time that i deserve and that he really wants to be with me but 'he just feels like he can't do that right now'. He told me all of this via text, even though i told him I'd like to talk to him in person about all this. We did not see each other eversince.

 

So he asked me if we could stay friends and we texted a few weeks. During that time he told me that he knows he's stupid for letting me go and that he wants to be with me. And then he went cold again. I found out that despite having 'no time' he still had the time to go out for diner with his buddies and on concerts with his mates.

 

I told him I could not be his friend since I still have feelings for him, so he simply said he won't text me anymore. Now I didn't hear anything from him for a week.

 

I miss him so much... and i love him. Should i let him be? I try not to think about him but I do every day and it kills me.

 

If it matters: he's 27 and I'm 23

[SkellyWoozle]

Sometimes there are no answers as to why people do what they do. Maybe he isn't telling you the whole story, maybe he's had a change of heart... only he knows the answer. To be honest, I think you need to leave it awhile. For whatever reason he's made his decision and you have to accept it. Sorry.... Get out there and see the world, meet new people, find new challenges.... life is too short and you're waaaay too young to be sad and lonely. Hugs X

[annie24]

ugh, i'm sorry. It sounds like there is a big part of the story missing and it sucks that he didn't just tell you what it is. Who knows - maybe during that "short trip" with his parents he ran into an ex-flame or met someone new. Unfortunately, that's my best guess, but really, it could be anything. Did you guys have some rough times in the last month or two?

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like he's focusing on work and can not give the relationship attention. Did you want more commitment or moving forward than he did?

 

Were there other issues, besides not seeing each other enough? Do you think he met someone else?

 

Stay no contact, it's good he's not contacting you now, don't accept some limbo fwb/friends thing. .

he broke up with me, saying I deserved someone who could give me the time that i deserve and that he really wants to be with me but 'he just feels like he can't do that right now'.

[Jess1234h]

He assured me he that there's no one else. And i ran into his best friend he said he didn't want anyone else but me... It's just really confusing.

 

No everything was perfect. He even told me the last day I spent with him that he'll come over the next day so we could spend all day together but he didn't....

[milly007]

It doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong. Only he knows the real reasons as to why you two can't be together now. There's no point in guessing because you'll just drive yourself nuts trying to figure out the answer. But based on what you've mentioned, he sounds stressed and he's basically said he isn't in the right headspace right now to invest in a relationship.

 

It sucks as you have feelings for this guy, but the best thing you can do right now is give him (and you) space. Cut those contact ties. It'll be better for you in the long run.

[Scoe141]

It sounds like his feelings may have run their course. Or perhaps he doesn't want to settle down at 27. Either way, he should want to be with you unequivocally. Also, it would probably behoove you not to be friends with him. It's only going to hurt you.

 

Also, not following through with his word (about coming over the next day) indicates to me that he doesn't care. (Unless he gave you an excuse.)

 

Either way, it's time you thought about moving on. Im sorry...

[Jibralta]

It sounds like there is a big part of the story missing and it sucks that he didn't just tell you what it is.

 

I'm going with this theory. It sounds to me like something happened during the trip that he doesn't want you to find out about.

 

I watched something like this play out years ago, with my cousin Kelly.* She was dating this awesome guy Victor that everybody loved. One day, she had a party at her house and their mutual friends came over, all couples. I was out on the balcony smoking a cigarette with Victor, when these two guys came out and started reminiscing with Victor about the time they hired prostitutes for one of their bachelor parties. They blabbed all about the activities that they participated in, and how they (the guys) stole the prostitutes' money at the end of the night.

 

I don't know if the two guys were drunk, or if they hated Victor, or what. But it was clear that this was a true story and that Victor participated. I was literally dumbstruck, just sitting there. And Victor looked like he wanted to jump off the balcony. The next day, he abruptly broke things off with my cousin. I never told her what I overheard. I figured, if he tried to come back, I'd tell her.

 

A year or two later, Victor appeared as a contestant on Gordon Ramsey's Hell's Kitchen. We took great delight in seeing Gordon Ramsey eviscerate him for being more arrogant than talented, and then kick him off the show.

 

*all names changed

[Wiseman2]

Agree, a sudden turn around, then fading, then 'stress at work', then 'time to think', often means he's met/talking to someone else.

It sounds to me like something happened during the trip that he doesn't want you to find out about.

[lostlove76]

I'm going with this theory. It sounds to me like something happened during the trip that he doesn't want you to find out about.

 

I watched something like this play out years ago, with my cousin Kelly.* She was dating this awesome guy Victor that everybody loved. One day, she had a party at her house and their mutual friends came over, all couples. I was out on the balcony smoking a cigarette with Victor, when these two guys came out and started reminiscing with Victor about the time they hired prostitutes for one of their bachelor parties. They blabbed all about the activities that they participated in, and how they (the guys) stole the prostitutes' money at the end of the night.

 

I don't know if the two guys were drunk, or if they hated Victor, or what. But it was clear that this was a true story and that Victor participated. I was literally dumbstruck, just sitting there. And Victor looked like he wanted to jump off the balcony. The next day, he abruptly broke things off with my cousin. I never told her what I overheard. I figured, if he tried to come back, I'd tell her.

 

A year or two later, Victor appeared as a contestant on Gordon Ramsey's Hell's Kitchen. We took great delight in seeing Gordon Ramsey eviscerate him for being more arrogant than talented, and then kick him off the show.

 

*all names changed

 

I'm confused - why did that make Victor break up with your cousin? Was he embarassed and thought you would tell her? I don't get it

[Jibralta]

I'm confused - why did that make Victor break up with your cousin? Was he embarassed and thought you would tell her? I don't get it

 

Yeah. At least, that's always been my theory. Sorry I didn't make that clear. They were literally great right up until that night. He'd even helped her cook and decorate for the party.

[MissCanuck]

I'm going with those who believe something happened on this trip that shouldn't have, he knows it was wrong, and he suddenly ended things so it wouldn't be discovered. Or, he ended things because he realized he wasn't as invested as he thought.

 

If the relationship was going really well, with no obvious signs of trouble for either person, experience tells me there is often a third party involved. And in the vast majority of cases, the dumper will not admit to it. His best friend more than likely wouldn't either, if he even knows the truth.

 

Yes, this is obviously speculation. But in this situation, it seems probable.

[Jmon]

Hey, i was dating this guy for almost a year and he said that I was the one for him, he did not want to spend a single day without me.

I felt like he really meant it but then he went on a short trip with his parents. After that he had a stressful week at work (he's got his own business) and I didn't see him for a week. When I asked him what was going on and if I could help somehow he said he needed 'time to think'. After three days of complete silence he broke up with me, saying I deserved someone who could give me the time that i deserve and that he really wants to be with me but 'he just feels like he can't do that right now'. He told me all of this via text, even though i told him I'd like to talk to him in person about all this. We did not see each other eversince.

 

So he asked me if we could stay friends and we texted a few weeks. During that time he told me that he knows he's stupid for letting me go and that he wants to be with me. And then he went cold again. I found out that despite having 'no time' he still had the time to go out for diner with his buddies and on concerts with his mates.

 

I told him I could not be his friend since I still have feelings for him, so he simply said he won't text me anymore. Now I didn't hear anything from him for a week.

 

I miss him so much... and i love him. Should i let him be? I try not to think about him but I do every day and it kills me.

 

If it matters: he's 27 and I'm 23

 

He's probably dealing with the stress on his own and doesn't want u to get involved us guys are stupid that way we tell girls what's going on but we really don't want u guys to get involved and we end up hurting people ww care about. Try to talk to him I understand u got a lot going on and Jr dealings with things the best u can I'll be here when ur ready to talk and work this out I'm not going anywhere take all the time u need