Lester Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Don't put away Smalley. He'll help you see a compatible woman vs. all the rest. Every book has something to offer. The first is usually the heart and soul and the follow-ups, watered down excuses for grocery money. Keep reading, asking, searching and learning. Good luck! Link to comment
Fools Matrix Posted September 30, 2016 Author Share Posted September 30, 2016 Don't put away Smalley. He'll help you see a compatible woman vs. all the rest. Every book has something to offer. The first is usually the heart and soul and the follow-ups, watered down excuses for grocery money. Keep reading, asking, searching and learning. Good luck! I'll get them back out when the time is right - they are good books no doubt. My situation was a little out of context. I guess what struck me the hardest was seeing what a husband should be doing vs. what I had done. I've been clueless all these years & wanted to make up for it. Doesn't guarantee her behavior improving but I'm pretty sure that ship has sailed anyway. Live & learn... Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Don't beat yourself up to much. It happens to some and not to others. You are human with real feelings... I would guess you reacted the way you did out of fear. Fear of losing the woman you love in general and to some other guy, fear of your life as you knew it really being over and fear that there is no life for you in the future. So if I could look into a crystal ball and show you that in 2 years you would be happy, your children would be doing great and you would be dating some gorgeous wonderful woman do you think you would have reacted like you did? I doubt it. Acceptance and Perspective are something we loose right away in times like these. I suggest you look for them right away. Read my signature below over and over again to yourself. So what to do now? Re-read all the replies you have gotten and this time FOLLOW OUR ADVICE!!! Keep communication down to the absolute minimum. That means if it is not crucial to text her don't! If you pick up the kids at 6pm always then don't text saying you will be there at 6pm. Only contact her if it is needed, become a ghost so she will wonder what you are up to. Your sudden absence will get her thinking about you trust me. If she contacts you play it cool and come back here for advice. Just tell her "I am busy at the moment, can we talk later" Relax and take good care of yourself. Lost Link to comment
Fools Matrix Posted October 1, 2016 Author Share Posted October 1, 2016 If she contacts you play it cool and come back here for advice. Just tell her "I am busy at the moment, can we talk later" She messaged me last night at 10:30 to tell me she had spent $200 on kids shoes - and that I didn't owe anything for it. I'm thinking in that case she could have just not messaged me at all.... Then this morning she had the nerve to message me asking if I could do some more electrical work for her - or should she just call a contractor. I told her I'd like to help but I don't want to get involved. I guess that was a right answer but it kept bothering me as to why in the hell she'd ask me of all people - considering what just happened. So the last msg I sent was asking why she bothered me about it and not her boyfriend. No answer. Link to comment
Fools Matrix Posted October 3, 2016 Author Share Posted October 3, 2016 I've had a breakthrough over the weekend. It's bothered me how I suddenly wanted to get back with my ex - after going through a divorce that took 2 years. The divorce was very deliberate, I gave it plenty of time and considered every angle during those 2 years and went ahead with it anyway. I started googling articles about what I was feeling. I also read up a bit about post divorce jealousy. I learned about how we "romanticize" our failed relationships - which is exactly what I had done. Advice to counter that is to make a list of all the reasons for the split. I made that list on a memo app in my phone and boy is it long. It has really helped me get over those feelings. Everytime I start to think of her, I whip out the list - problem solved! The jealousy is still there to a degree but nowhere near as bad. I've kind of started feeling sorry for the guy. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 Excellent. I like that technique you are using to give yourself that reality check. Yeah, just keep it about the kids and let Mr. condom be the handyman. make a list of all the reasons for the split. I made that list on a memo app in my phone and boy is it long. It has really helped me get over those feelings. Everytime I start to think of her, I whip out the list - problem solved! Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 This is all perfectly normal and you are doing great. Give it time and focus on your life not hers. You have plenty to be thankful for and plenty on your plate being a great dad and that is your number one priority. If you have a setback just accept that the feelings are real and it is normal but that they are just ghostly images from the past. Lost Link to comment
AutumnBorn Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 Well done. What you did is exactly what helped me to pull away from my ex. My goal was to write down 10 reasons I should be happy he was gone and the ways he hurt me. Worked like a charm. I recommend it for anyone in transition. Link to comment
Fools Matrix Posted October 5, 2016 Author Share Posted October 5, 2016 My goal was to write down 10 reasons I should be happy he was gone and the ways he hurt me. Worked like a charm. I recommend it for anyone in transition. My list has 37 reasons. It does work like a charm. Link to comment
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