Don't know what to do... Is it all my fault?

[Marie83]

I'm early into week two. I broke down and sent my ex a text due to the explosion in NY and wanted to make sure he was okay. He ended up responding hours later that we was okay and hoped I had a nice weekend. I think the fact I heard from him was a step back. I thought that maybe we could be friends and I reached out to tell him about my first day of work. He didn't respond and I got angry and sent some texts saying I never wanted to see or hear from him again in the future and brought up things he did that really hurt me. I then blocked his number again.

 

I know that their are always two parties involved in every relationship so I am definitely not free from fault. I told him I slept with someone two different times. We weren't together. I was actively trying to start a healthy relationship all summer even bringing him on two trips and driving hours and hours to see him and putting him first. I even drove there after a fight which is 5 hours away to apologize and he was angry I was even there when I was only wanting to work with him and make things better. I know telling him that really hurt him. I have even said horrible things and contacted him multiple times when I've been angry. He has brought out the worst in me. I never gave up. I kept trying and giving and waiting for him to work with me and slept with him hoping he would for once want to work me and love me the way I loved/ love him.

 

I was just so hurt. He seemed to always choose his friends over me and eventually avoided inviting me to any events where his friends would be present. I asked for months what would happen when he moved further away for post doc and offered to visit/ help him move and he always ignored it like I never said anything. I gave him everything. I put him first. I know I am not perfect, but I just wanted to connect and work together instead of limbo since Feb. He ignored me one time for a month in April after I got angry and said cruel things because he acted like he would give me a chance so I slept with him and he took it back right away.

 

Crazy as it is, after I told him I slept with that guy he came back and asked me to move there. I couldn't for a few months and he got angry and took it back only 2 weeks later. He said he needed some space to not be angry but he seemed to be saying other things to contradict it working out after space. I got really upset and we were both hurtful to each other. We ended up arguing for the next two weeks about it all and he said he just changed his mind and 'sorry' like that will take it all away. I feel like I should have given him space and it's all my fault. I've tried so hard for so very long. I know I started to push him away but he kept hurting me and scared me.

 

The crazy thing is that I still love him with all my heart and now he is back to ignoring me again and starting going on dates and said he liked this girl. I even told him I would quit my job and move there now. I feel like I should have moved and not decided to work to have some funds for a few months and stay without dad who is also having heart problems. I feel like it's all my fault yet I am so hurt and angry at him. I did everything for him. I told him to never contact me again and have him blocked, but the saddest thing is that it's the last thing I want to do. He just won't listen to me and ignores me after everything I did and gave him and how much love I still have for him and how much I still want it to work out. I have nightmares and I miss his touch. I miss being with him. I miss everything about him and I doubt I'll ever see him again or maybe even talk to him again and I was the one that said that to him but I am also sick of getting pulled in when he doesn't want me or really loves me even though he says he does or taken for granted or advantage of. I just don't know what to do. I still want him in my life but he just keeps hurting me over and over and I know I've hurt him too. I feel like he's the one, my soulmate. I've never felt like this before ever so truly connected to someone. I hate this and I don't know what to do.

[SooSad33]

Never act out with such emotions... where you're possibly going to regret in the end

 

Dont brag about sleeping with others.. in order to get them jealous and come back...

Dont chase... orlash out because you're hurting...

Sex is sex.. nothing more. Won't get them to change their mind

 

Yes, you're upset.. and if you step back and read all you've said here.. in time you will see WHY this didnt work out between you two.

 

Time to STOP all interactions.. and walk.

 

I know how hard it is... but you have to in order to work on healing & moving on.

[SooSad33]

Another thing...

 

"I know I started to push him away but he kept hurting me and scared me."

 

This is not your 'soulmate'.

 

So much damage done between you two now. Please work on staying away from him.. and accepting it.

[Marie83]

Another sad thing is that I even saw a therapist to work on things with him and he didn't even care. I really did everything I could except I shouldn't have told him I slept with anyone since we weren't together and reacted when I was angry and said hurtful things I did not mean. I also should have given him space and not slept with him, maybe then he would have taken me seriously and we would be together now. I just feel like I made so many mistakes which is why it ended and I feel so horrible about it all because I truly love this man.

[Marie83]

Another thing is that the last reaction I had with him was confronting him about he treated me and told him to never contact me again in my life and it was all out of anger. That's what he will remember of me, but what else should I do. Act like he didn't hurt me and tell him how much I love and miss him which he knows to be ignored and his not really see his role or grow at all or maybe change for someone else. I don't want him to make the same mistakes in his life and that's out of love.

[Marie83]

I'm doing my best to stay away. It's just so hard.

[SooSad33]

You need to try n slow yourself down. Read your original post.. see yourself saying how he brought out the worst in you?

 

Yes.. I know how hard it is... but sounds like he has moved on? I know.. that stings.. but so many signs showing you this won't work out... right?

 

Walk.. and keep going. No more hopes.. expectations.. nothing. NC from now on.. leave him be.

[Marie83]

I just don't understand how someone can move on just like that after everything we shared and the love we had. I truly wanted to marry him. I just don't understand how someone who said they loved you and someone you dearly love can be so cruel. I gave him everything. I don't know how to be happy anymore. I've been exercising and working, but I just feel so alone. I don't even want to date. Honestly, men scare me a lot right now. I don't feel like I can trust anyone. I don't have energy for anyone either. I lost my best friend too. I just feel so alone and in so much pain. I don't know when it will get easier. I don't know how long it takes.

[SooSad33]

No need to date. And don't.. until you know you're over him.

Few yrs ago, when I first found this site.. I was so distraught over a LTR, where he cheated on me Took over 10 mos before I felt any improvement.

 

You need much time to work on yourself & healing.. especially with the fact of how guys scare you and trust issue's..etc

 

This guy will do what he wants.. no matter what.

What could be going on is he was emotionally moving on out of your relationship.. without you realizing it. That's why he can move on so much faster.

Or.. he could be rebounding.. using another woman to get over this relationship.. which is wrong.

 

When will it get easier? In time. Time is all we have. Been there.. more than once.

[cristal]

This is a horrible place to be, but you will survive this only....if you stay away from him. I mean truly staying away from him. No phone calls, no texting, no face booking, no nothing.

 

He has indicated by his words and actions, that he does not want to take this any further. Respect that and hang on to whatever shreds of dignity that you have left. Show him that you will be okay without him...even though you don't feel like it at the moment. Clearly, he sees you as weak and dependent. Time to show him that are not that person by never engaging him. With time, you will not need him and will eventually find someone to value you and love you exactly the way you are.

 

Good luck!

[MissCanuck]

No offense OP, but I feel it's pretty ironic that you're complaining about him being cruel when you admit that you have said some nasty things to him. This went both ways. He probably wondered the very same thing about you. You say you gave him everything; well, apparently that included a healthy does of unkind actions and words too. Think about that moving forward. He doesn't need or want that in his life, and frankly, neither should you.

 

It's over now. There is way too much toxicity for any reconciliation. He is moving on.

 

Delete his number, and any contact information you still have. You will never recover as long as you still have ways to get in touch.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately this is why exes shouldn't be friends, too many raw emotions. Hopefully you will remain no contact and delete his number so you are not continually tempted to contact him.

I thought that maybe we could be friends and I reached out to tell him about my first day of work. He didn't respond and I got angry and sent some texts saying I never wanted to see or hear from him again

Same guy?

 

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