Advice for those thinking of suicide - my personal story

[Kate221]

My name is Kate and this time last year my depression truly began to take hold of my life. I wanted to die and I truly did not believe that I would be alive today. I'm writing this post as a year later I feel proud to be where I am now and I want to share my story with anyone thinking that suicide is the best way out. I also want to offer some advice. I'm not the best advice giver and I know that some of you may not gain any help from this post but I hope I can change at least one persons view in suicide.

 

At my very lowest moment I found myself on the edge of a bridge late one night. I had driven there fully intending to jump. I had read newspaper articles about other suicides from there just to be sure that the fall would actually kill me. I had a lot of things going on and it all became too much for me to handle. I lost the will to get up in the morning. I felt like a walking corpse. I didnt care about anything my friends told me, any place I went to or about my physical or emotional wellbeing. I was fed up of existing.

 

Anyway, I did not want to inflict any horror on an innocent stranger so I messaged a friend and explained what my plan was. This was so I could be found by trained professionals. I had planned to jump moments after sending the message but someone began walking across the bridge and so I had to wait. The stranger asked me if I was ok and I said that I was and that I was waiting for a friend. I dont think they believed me as I must have looked a mess but after they wandered away my phone began to ring. It was my mother. I dont know what came over me but I answered the call and began to confess all and begged for help.

 

My mother, father and best friend all arrived within 10 minutes. Whilst I was embarrassed, ashamed, shocked and hysterical I was so relieved that I had not jumped off that bridge.

 

After that night I was visited by mental health professionals who were kind and understanding. They put me at ease and I didnt feel judged. I explained how I wanted to run away to a beach far away to try and find 'me' again and they created the idea that I could do that from home. They said I was able to take time off work, forget pleasing friends and family and relax in my own personal home. I cant tell you how amazing it was for somebody to say those things to me.

 

With professional help and medication I have overcome the worst time of my life. I still get anxious and still have bad days but I am able to look past them and keep moving forward. Sometimes I dont know what the end goal will be for me but I know that I'll figure it out eventually. I just have to keep busy. I have been feeling uneasy lately as this time is sort of the anniversary of when my problems really began to bring me down. This is why I have returned to this site.

 

I know that for some people its not as easy as having a sudden realisition that you dont want to die or being able to escape from work and family life. I know that people have jobs they cant leave and families to care for. No matter what your situation all you have to do is tell somebody. Whether thats a doctor or a friend or family member etc. If I had not told my best friend what my plan was then my mother may not have called me that night and in the state of mind I was in I fully believe I wouldnt be here right now. Telling someone means the problem is out there, its a small weight off your shoulders and a step closer to receiving help.

 

There is always a way out and I know that sounds cliche. I used to read posts like these and roll my eyes or discard them because I didnt believe anything they said. I thought that nothing would change. Please believe me when I say that I've been where you are and I never thought I'd be sitting where I am now. I'm rebuilding my life. I have a new job and slowly building relationships with my friends and family again.

 

Please talk to someone and know that your life is so precious and you deserve to live. Even though you may not believe it, you are loved and you would be missed by someone. I hope you can see from my story that there is a way out, a way to get help and to overcome issues in your life.

[SkellyWoozle]

Hugest love and hugs. Thanks for posting - am so very glad you're doing okay and on the road to wellness. Take care Xx

[limichelle]

Thank you so much for sharing your story! I'm sure this will be a big help to those contemplating. I'm glad you are here and doing well.

 

Lisa