What a Journey... Am I on the home stretch?

[CaliSunrise]

Brief rundown of the situation

Dated girl for 5 years. She loved me more than I've ever seen someone love someone before. I broke up wit her once 2 years ago, caused some damage but we got back together. 6 months ago she broke up with me because I went back to my old ways of taking her for granted and making mistakes. I blocked her 6 months ago and every month she would contact me wanting to be on talking terms. During that time I did a complete 180 and got my act together, its like I'm a completely different person.

 

Whats happened recently

Over a month ago her "friend" who loved her but she never really went out with him died and she was an absolute mess, so I told her I'm here for her. He was around before we dated and I guess when he heard we broke up, he went and tried to be with her but she wouldn't really be with him. She blames herself and is now convinced she was in love with him etc etc. Also note this she is extremely busy, extremely stressed and in a lot of debt along with that she is sort of bi polar and very dramatic.

 

About a month ago she asked me to go on a annual vacation with her family that we always went on every year. I went and we had fun, it was basically like we were a couple again. She even slipped up a few times calling me babe and referring to me as her boyfriend. We also got intimate one night, but the whole vacation I was kind of playing it safe as the friend because I didn't want to scare her off.

 

When we got back from vacation a week later I sent a text saying I wanted to try again and explained why it would work this time and how much I love her and want to be with her etc. She said she needs to think about this. She then texted me saying she wanted to meet up and discuss. She is one of the busiest people I know so it took a while to be able to meet up. Before we met last week she was all happy to meet and then when it came time she flipped a switch and said "I wanted to meet because I had a lot to say but whats the point, I cant be with you there's been to much damage but I love you and always will etc but I fell out of love (note she fell out of love the first time we broke up but when she gave me a chance again she fell right back into love). I reassured her that it can work and that she can fall back in love with me again and calmed her down. She said I need to think about it more.

 

Where we are at now

We finally met up last week and had a nice conversation. I told her that I wanted to know if she would take it slow with me by casually dating. She did say she found it kind of selfish of me to ask her this while her life is a mess dealing with the death and all the other things going on. I said I'm sorry I didn't mean it to be this way but I had to get this off my chest and ask. She said I can't date you right now, I'm not ready to try again right this second. I said than what am I supposed to do. She said I want you to call me often and ask how my days going, be there for me. I want you to call me and ask to do fun things, not just ask about taking me on dates to the movies and dinner etc. I agreed I would do that.

 

What should I do?

I think my best option would be to just be there for her and do what she asked about calling her and taking her out and what not right? I was planning on asking her to to see if we can date about a month from now, if these meet ups and phone calls go good. Everyday is hard for my though because of how much I love her and want to be with her. Shes such a good person, I feel so bad I ever treated her wrong. I want this to workout between us. I know if we got back together, we would finally be great. What do you guys/gals think I should do and do you think it looks like there's a chance and what should I do to increase my chances for reconciliation?

[SooSad33]

"She said I want you to call me often and ask how my days going, be there for me. I want you to call me and ask to do fun things, not just ask about taking me on dates to the movies and dinner etc. I agreed I would do that."

- Do YOU not think she's just a wee bit.. Needy?

 

If you search Bipolar.. they ARE moody, selfish people.

 

IMO.. I suggset you STOP everything with her. Stop with expectations and just leave her alone.

 

Let her grieve.. let her deal with it all.. on her own.

 

Also.. the fact you two keep going back n forth. Toxic maybe? So often.. after th first break up.. it's never the same again.

 

"I went back to my old ways of taking her for granted and making mistakes."

-How? What mistakes did you make?

[CaliSunrise]

She may be being needy now, but when we were in a relationship she wasn't that needy.

 

We were toxic at times but it was me. I know it's cliche but I'm really a changed man. I feel reborn in a sense. So much has changed in me and around me the past 6 months it's kind of crazy to me. I have a whole new outlook on life and what I want.

 

The mistakes I made were breaking my promises after we got back together for the first time. Going out drinking, ignoring her, blaming her, just being super selfish. I didn't realise how bad I was at the time but I do now. I'll never be that person again.

[misssmithviii]

Sometimes I wish men saw me this way... infallible and unconditionally desirable. But then I read this and I can't help but feel so terribly bad.

 

This tug-o-war you two are playing is wonderfully dramatic and probably feeds her desire for drama. But it's unsustainable. You're not even close to being on the same page here. She needs to do this on her own, and you need to be the amazing man you are and not focus on her so much anymore.

[CaliSunrise]

My life is moving on with or without her but I really want to be with her. I can't give up on her yet.

[SooSad33]

"Before we met last week she was all happy to meet and then when it came time she flipped a switch and said "I wanted to meet because I had a lot to say but whats the point, I cant be with you there's been to much damage but I love you and always will etc but I fell out of love (note she fell out of love the first time we broke up but when she gave me a chance again she fell right back into love). I reassured her that it can work and that she can fall back in love with me again and calmed her down. She said I need to think about it more."

- I strongly suggest you sit on these words.. too much damage and fell out of love with you.

 

I am sorry.. but try not to beg her or pressure her anymore. I know how this all hurts... but

 

I suggest from now on you leave her alone.. let her think and let HER come to you IF she's willing to try again and ONLY that. Not to keep her company because she's lonely or bored. Dont sit on the backburner for her.

 

 

Everything takes time. Can never rush this stuff.

[CaliSunrise]

"Before we met last week she was all happy to meet and then when it came time she flipped a switch and said "I wanted to meet because I had a lot to say but whats the point, I cant be with you there's been to much damage but I love you and always will etc but I fell out of love (note she fell out of love the first time we broke up but when she gave me a chance again she fell right back into love). I reassured her that it can work and that she can fall back in love with me again and calmed her down. She said I need to think about it more."

- I strongly suggest you sit on these words.. too much damage and fell out of love with you.

 

I am sorry.. but try not to beg her or pressure her anymore. I know how this all hurts... but

 

I suggest from now on you leave her alone.. let her think and let HER come to you IF she's willing to try again and ONLY that. Not to keep her company because she's lonely or bored. Dont sit on the backburner for her.

 

 

Everything takes time. Can never rush this stuff.

 

She said that but she was also about to to try again until she got cold feet. She has said that once before and she ended up falling in love with me again, that's why I believe it could work.

 

I'm not going to beg or pressure her. I feel though since I'm in the position I'm in, if I'm not persistent in trying, than she will probably not try again on her own.

 

Being friendly with her hanging out and talking for a while and then asking if we can date a month from now isn't a good plan? I really want the best possible chance to try again I feel that's the only way I will maybe get a chance.

[SooSad33]

YOU are sitting with such high hopes right now... and not thinking clearly.

 

Best thing to do is back off and don't harass her. Dont message her.. nothing. Respect.

 

Like I said.. give it all time. I really dont feel much is going to change in a month. ( 4 weeks from now).

You can try, if you want.. but dont expect a positive response.

 

You two broke up for reasons... and are any of those things changed or improved.. in a month?

[CaliSunrise]

YOU are sitting with such high hopes right now... and not thinking clearly.

 

Best thing to do is back off and don't harass her. Dont message her.. nothing. Respect.

 

Like I said.. give it all time. I really dont feel much is going to change in a month. ( 4 weeks from now).

You can try, if you want.. but dont expect a positive response.

 

You two broke up for reasons... and are any of those things changed or improved.. in a month?

 

We broke up over six months ago. I blocked her and carried on with improving my life but every month she would contact me wanting to be friends. Over a month ago that person in her life died so I reached out and said I'm here for her. She invited me on vacation with her family shortly after.

 

I asked if we could try again recently and she said she wasn't emotionally ready to try again with me at the moment, but she told me she wants me to be there for her and to call her and hangout with her.