He broke up with me will he come back?

[Klynnb]

My ex and I were together for 4.5 years. We just got an apartment together 3 months ago. Things were going great. Our relationship had its ups and downs good days and bad. A week before we broke up he told me his mom wanted him to take me to TN and marry him. Then he told me a car seat would look good in the back of his new truck. We were planning a future. A week later he told me he was going to his new friends from work to have some beers and then he would be home. I woke up in the middle of the night and he still wasn't home. He was too drunk to drive and I yelled at him for drinking so much. The next day he tried to make up but I was still upset and we fought. He didn't come home the next few days and he told me he was done with me. I begged and pleaded and apologized but he didn't want to listen. He got a dating profile and told me he was going to have sex with all these women bc he's single. I was devasted. After a month we told the landlord we were moving out. That day he was trying to say anything to make me jealous. I didn't give a reaction I just accepted what was happening. He said he didn't want me to block him or delete him on social media. He became a whole different person in a month. He doesn't want anything to do with our friends we've had for years. He drinks all the time and tries to sleep around. His new friends don't talk to him he works long hours and he's living with his parents now. It seems like his life is rough since we broke up but it doesn't phase him. I did everything for him and he doesn't seem to care what we lost. Is there anything I can do I need help! does he even care about us anymore? I just need peace of mind.

[Butterfly1983]

There seems like there's a bigger issue at play here...and I'm not sure what it is. His response seems to be a huge overreaction given the situation. I can tell you what's feeling, his behavior seems completely reckless. With that being said, you need to move forward. Whatever he is going through, he needs to work through and get to a healthier place. Eventually you all may have the opportunity to discuss the REAL issues on a deeper level...but try not to wait on it. If he's being this reckless, you may want him to regroup and gain some perspective before anything.

[Klynnb]

Thank you. I'm just trying to wrap my head around everything. He said we weren't good for each other which I think is overreacting to the situation. Idk if maybe his new friends from work are influencing him because they're all single or what. I just don't want to lose him for good we've been together for so long. I wish I knew what I should do and if it sounds like something that will pass and he will realize what he's done.

[Butterfly1983]

I understand...you want answers. Hopefully you'll get them but you have to be fine with whatever comes of this. Of course you don't want to lose him but unfortunately you cannot have a meaningful conversation with him right now because he isn't in a place to receive it.

 

If his new friends are influencing him, that's an issue because it lets us know that he cannot think for himself. Instead of thinking about the what ifs just think about what's happening now. I'm very guilty of thinking about whats ifs and forecasting and honestly it has never helped me. It adds to the stress and aggravation.

 

It could pass and it couldn't not. I think you will probably end up having a conversation but you may not get it when you hope for it.

[Butterfly1983]

I'm going through a difficult time right now but I keep telling myself... a man will only have ONE opportunity to tell me that he doesn't want me. So try to heal as best as you can and if they situation arises, deal with it as you see fit.

[j.man]

"I woke up in the middle of the night and he still wasn't home. He was too drunk to drive and I yelled at him for drinking so much."

 

Sounds like the devil is in the details here. There have been a couple times my girlfriend has stayed out later than she'd planned or that she elected to crash elsewhere after having a few too many drinks. It's understandable to want to know your partner's OK when they're not home at 3:30am and to be put off from having been worrying, but I'd take a big step back if my partner yelled at me for violating some curfew or getting a bit more loose than usual.

 

It sounds like the guy has gotten a taste of freedom and is enjoying it. I wouldn't bank on him coming back, at least not until he's done with his fun.

[MissCanuck]

How old are you both, OP?

 

As others have said, I think there's a lot more to this than just one night of drinking. You said the relationship had its up and downs, as most do. But what were those downs regarding?

 

Him saying whatever he can to hurt you is very troubling. Had you seen that side of him before?

[Klynnb]

He says and does things to hurt me during this breakup which is making it easier to get through the day because I start to let go. But I love him and it hurts so bad that he doesn't care. We're 20 years old and I know we have a whole life ahead of us I just want to know a mans point of view of if he might be feeling sad or upset about this. He called today just to ask if I moved my things out of the apartment even though he already knew that I did.