Home unfit for children?

[Seaweed]

Hi there

 

I'm hoping for some general advice about a family issue that's causing me a lot of concern.

 

My partner and myself have hit hard times financially. We have moved out of our rented home and are now living in our place of work- (We own a nightclub and are living on the top floor which is not open to the public.)

I don't have any children, but my partner has a few that do not live with him. He spends time with his children for 9 hours every Sunday, but since we moved out of our home he's struggling to find things to do with them for that amount of time on our tight budget. The top floor of the nightclub, where we are living, is currently a building site but my partner has just suggested that once our place is more liveable he's considering bringing his children here to visit...

 

Please tell me if I'm overeacting, but I think that's a terrible suggestion...We live in a nightclub! His children are aged between 3 and 13. There are fridges stocked full of alcohol, shelves stacked with spirits and cleaning cupboards filled with chemicals. Despite having a strict door policy and thorough security searches, it's almost impossible to keep drugs out entirely...Just imagine if the children found something someone had dropped on the floor! I think it's a really irresponsible idea.

 

I really need advice and opinions about this. Surely it's not even legal?!

[abitbroken]

I think that if you cannot afford a place to live that you should review whether the nightclub business is actually profitable for you or consider if one of you can get a job - even if part time, outside of the nightclub if the other one mostly runs it in order to afford a place to live that is not at the nightclub.

 

There are many people who have apartments that are above small stores, etc. Many downtown areas have shops on the street level and apartments above. I don't think being above a business is a problem, but living at a place that is not even finished as a dwelling place and is not a legal residence - AND if there is no separate entrance to said dwelling - is a problem. I can imagine the mother of the children would not be happy with the arrangement.

 

What if he were to go take his children to their grandaparents (his parents) for a few hours for a visit, or to see their cousins?

 

I am with you, I don't think its a great situation, but I am less concerned about it being above a business and more concerned that its not actually a legal dwelling.

[dave_1966]

In your other post it's a bar/pub, now it's a nightclub?

[Seaweed]

The nightclub used to be a pub, so the top floor has always been classed as residential accommodation. It's legal for us to live here but I still don't think it's a suitable place for children to visit at all. I'm sure their mother would agree too!

 

My partner takes his children to their grandparents as much as possible but going every week isn't an option. He has four children so on the days where visiting family isn't an option, it cost an absolute fortune to feed and occupy them all for 9 hours.

 

Running the club is hard work and it's even harder when there's not a lot of money coming in, but even so, it's our dream and we are sure we can make it work in time...I'm feeling really stuck with what to do

[Seaweed]

Yes, the building used to be a pub.

[dave_1966]

Has it changed from a bar/pub to a nightclub since your first post in July? That's a different kind of license?

[j.man]

Are there women flashing their boobs or dudes snorting lines of coke in the dwelling?

 

Almost every single home has booze and cleaning chemicals. Really not seeing the big deal. Were you hoping for a break from his kids?

[abitbroken]

The nightclub used to be a pub, so the top floor has always been classed as residential accommodation. It's legal for us to live here but I still don't think it's a suitable place for children to visit at all. I'm sure their mother would agree too!

 

My partner takes his children to their grandparents as much as possible but going every week isn't an option. He has four children so on the days where visiting family isn't an option, it cost an absolute fortune to feed and occupy them all for 9 hours.

 

Running the club is hard work and it's even harder when there's not a lot of money coming in, but even so, it's our dream and we are sure we can make it work in time...I'm feeling really stuck with what to do

 

What's more of a dream, having a safe home for children to come to or owning a pub that is not a pub anymore? Most people who have this sort of a dream have one spouse work a regular job and help on the weekends or handle the books or something where they need not be constantly present until the business really takes off, and one working it full time with staff and so they have health insurance as well. Then when the business gets profitable and it makes sense, they cut down to part time, having been able to carry the family for that time, or to save an emergency fund. And have the drugs only surfaced since you switched to a nightclub?

[Batya33]

It's really his decision -he is the parent. But, I would not do this if I were the parent and I would avoid being involved in his decision just in case there is a problem and you are also blamed.

[abitbroken]

It's really his decision -he is the parent. But, I would not do this if I were the parent and I would avoid being involved in his decision just in case there is a problem and you are also blamed.

 

True. But I have a feeling that if they stay above the bar even if it was his decision, the OP would be blamed. The mother would blame the OP for going along with this unrealistic pub dream

[dave_1966]

Just read your previous post, it was definitely a pub two months ago? Thought you said you were short of money, but you've converted a pub to a nightclub? How strange.

[indea08]

I'm sorry, but:

 

I think it's REALLY sad that you guys can't support those kids for NINE HOURS A WEEK.

 

Put your dreams second and the children first. Sell the bar, get a normal job and save money, and SUPPORT YOUR CHILDREN.

 

Your dreams come later in life. The children need you now.

[Seaweed]

Dave 1966- I have the correct the license for the venue.

 

J man- My partner and myself wanted 50/50 custody of his children. We had a suitably sized and furnished home prepared for them to stay in but we didn't get the outcome we expected. No there's no boobs here. Nor are there people doing drugs openly, but like any bar/club drugs are an issue.cleaning chemicals and alcohol should also be stored out of reach of children

 

Abitbroken- Yes, I know. I agree but this is my partners dream so I'm going along with it. We are both trying to find extra work but it's hard to find something when the majority of your time is taken up by something else. I believe the club will be profitable one day, we are just going through a rough patch

 

Batya33- They're his kids so it's not really my choice. I just wanted to vent because I'm annoyed that he's even considering it. The mother of his children would go mad too and we already have enough problems as it is

[Seaweed]

Indea08-

Yes I agree. I have no children and I don't want any because I'm not in a position to provide for them. I'm only 24. My partner is much older, he has children and he's chosen to have this club. He opened this place by himself and I became involved after to help out.

 

I kind of feel like I'm being blamed for someone else's decisions...?

[Seaweed]

Dave 1966- I'm really stressed out beyond belief. Not sure what's strange about a bar being converted into a club?

[Batya33]

I would avoid doing any business with this person, especially right now.

[Fudgie]

You're so young... Why did you choose to saddled with someone with so much baggage? Broke, living above a nightclub, and 4 kids? Wow.

[dave_1966]

Dave 1966- I'm really stressed out beyond belief. Not sure what's strange about a bar being converted into a club?

 

Because you say you've hit hard times financially, yet two months ago it was a pub/bar and now it's being converted in to a nightclub. That would cost thousands and thousands of £££, your post therefore doesn't make sense?

[Seaweed]

Dave1966

 

The physical differance between a bar and a club is tables and chairs. Removed the tables and chairs and you have a dancefloor -Thousands of pounds?!

 

I came on here because I thought people would agree with me that this environment isn't suitable for children and would help suggest things my partner can do with his children on a budget until we have more money coming in. I didn't expect to be picked at about the venue and what my license is?!

 

Enotalone? More like Eratherbealone.

[Batya33]

Dave1966

 

The physical differance between a bar and a club is tables and chairs. Removed the tables and chairs and you have a dancefloor -Thousands of pounds?!

 

I came on here because I thought people would agree with me that this environment isn't suitable for children and would help suggest things my partner can do with his children on a budget until we have more money coming in. I didn't expect to be picked at about the venue and what my license is?!

 

Enotalone? More like Eratherbealone.

 

It's not suitable for children and it's not suitable for you to tell your partner how to spend his money on his own children. If he asks for input then, sure, but be careful not to interfere in his family and parenting decisions - not your business. It is only your business if one of his children is disrespectful to you just like if any family member was in your home and behaved that way.

[Seaweed]

I'm not telling him how to spend his money. I'm trying to help him think if things he can do that won't break the bank.

[Fudgie]

Do you guys have parks or playgrounds nearby? Museums? Movie theaters? Granted, my parents are still married but some of my best memories with both of them were the "cheap" events: biking together, walking together, etc.

[qwaspolk82]

Dave 1966- I have the correct the license for the venue.

 

J man- My partner and myself wanted 50/50 custody of his children. We had a suitably sized and furnished home prepared for them to stay in but we didn't get the outcome we expected. No there's no boobs here. Nor are there people doing drugs openly, but like any bar/club drugs are an issue.cleaning chemicals and alcohol should also be stored out of reach of children

 

Abitbroken- Yes, I know. I agree but this is my partners dream so I'm going along with it. We are both trying to find extra work but it's hard to find something when the majority of your time is taken up by something else. I believe the club will be profitable one day, we are just going through a rough patch

 

Batya33- They're his kids so it's not really my choice. I just wanted to vent because I'm annoyed that he's even considering it. The mother of his children would go mad too and we already have enough problems as it is

 

YOU don't get any custody of his children. None. At all. You have zero legal standing with his kids.

 

If you can't handle the kids for 9 hours and you can't handle everything else on top of his kids you are free to leave at any time. I don't understand how it's so expensive for 9 hours with the kids. When I was married to my ex we had them every other weekend. I paid for pretty much everything and yes it is expensive to go out to eat or to do stuff BUT we found cheap ways to have fun with them. That was from Fri night - Sun night...and I drove him from one state to another for 2 years until moving closer.

 

You have no say in what he does with the kids. As long as the residential place is closed off and you two keep an eye on those kids, they should be fine. Are they little or older?

 

I agree with others you need to tell your partner to give up on the nightclub because it's obviously not working. If he says no you pack your bags and move on. Or you can stay and continue to be stressed out and pissed off.

[qwaspolk82]

Indea08-

Yes I agree. I have no children and I don't want any because I'm not in a position to provide for them. I'm only 24. My partner is much older, he has children and he's chosen to have this club. He opened this place by himself and I became involved after to help out.

 

I kind of feel like I'm being blamed for someone else's decisions...?

 

No you're being told you have the ability to walk away.

[abitbroken]

You are a young woman who has her future ahead of her and shouldn't be living in an unfinished room above a nightclub. You say you "own" this place together? Are you really 50-50 business partners or are you the girlfriend "helping him" with his dream? If your name is not on things - nothing is stopping you from walking away and getting a job and simply "dating him" and seeing where it goes. You say its his dream and you won't stand in his way - but what is YOUR dream? At 24, you need to establish yourself on your own two feet. Do you have an education beyond high school? Did you take a certification course? Trade school? college? If you are indeed 50-50 business partners where your name is on the lease or building as a separate person, I'd sell my share or become a silent partner and go get a job.