Very confused, need advice.

[Jigglychu]

Ahoy everyone,

 

In need of some advice, first up the story!

 

Ok, so I was in a long term relationship of 5 and a half years, and I broke up with the girl because I found her flirting and exchanging dirty photos with men online, this was the third time it had happened, so I lost the plot a little bit.

Anyway the reason for my break up was to try and teach her a lesson, a lesson which horribly back fired! Within a month she flew to America to see friends for 3 weeks, I wasn't too bothered as I felt she needed space. I didn't message her once the whole time she was there. When she returned she made contact again, and we started meeting up and going for dates, there was no sex involved, but some kissing and cuddling etc... We kept meeting up every 2 weeks or so until now, it's been 4 months since the break-up. Her stuff is still at my place apart from the obvious things she took with her, we still pay each others bills that we had, her car finance is paid by me, my phone bill paid by her etc..

Recently I found out, that the only reason she went to America was to meet a man! I also found out that she has feeling for him and they are going to try and make it work despite the ridiculous distance, I also found out that she was selling stuff to fund a trip again, but she couldn't sell enough and that he may be coming here instead! Unfortunately I completely lost it and we had a big argument on the phone, she re-assured me that she although she did feel she had a connection with the guy, nothing was going to happen, and nothing did happen in America. She also told me that she loves me and I messed with her head so much as she thought I would never split up with her.

So 3 days ago we met up again and she stayed over, still cuddling, but not as much. the next day I was in work and she stayed at my place for the day, when I came back she had cleaned the whole place up which was weird. As she was leaving I tried to kiss her and she pushed me away and said "this is weird, I'm sorry" and then she left, so I walked away and didn't contact her that evening, she did contact me eventually that evening, and thus we carried on talking.

So this is where the advice is needed, I really love this girl, she is the only relationship I have had over 2 years, I'm 28 now, and really need to get a life in order. However I want to know what the hell is going on? I can see that this limbo state is killing us both, but what does she want?

 

1 - Is she waiting for me to ask her to be in a relationship again before we kiss etc again?

2 - does she want the relationship to end but can't let go?

3 - Does she need more time to think things over?

4 - Am I just the back-up plan in case it all goes wrong with someone else?

5 - other?

 

I am meeting her in 3 days, but we can't be in this limbo anymore, I don't want to give her an ultimatum, but right now, we can't heal and move on if nothing is going to happen.

 

So tell me peeps, what do I do in 3 days time?

 

Thank you in advance.

[CollegeGuy5]

I understand that you feel like you need to get your life in order but you can't go searching for a girl to fix that, you'll know when it is right. It sounds like you have done nothing wrong and that she is the one that does not deserve you. She flirted with other guys while in a relationship, went abroad to see a man, and is now trying to see him again. I know it is hard because love is such a strong emotion, but I think you need to try to let her go.

 

1 - I think she is trying to keep her options open and use you as a fall back but doesn't want you to like her too much anymore

2 - It seems like she may be done with the relationship, yes.

3 - She had plenty of time and used it to meet another man.

4 - As I said in the first answer, sadly, this may be the case.

5 - Focus on yourself. All of the issues seem to be stemming from her end and you have been a good enough person to still want her after everything she has done. It is your turn to focus on yourself and be your first priority.

 

I'm sorry if that is not what you wanted to hear but I really think there are better options than someone who flirts around, visits other men, and won't even kiss you anymore.

 

Best of luck

[Wiseman2]

It's in limbo for these reasons:

We kept meeting up every 2 weeks or so until now

Her stuff is still at my place

we still pay each others bills that we had, her car finance is paid by me, my phone bill paid by her etc..

 

Unfortunately, she has you in the friendzone and yes she's interested in the guy she flew over to meet in the US.

 

The only way to get out of limbo is to sever all ties that means giving her stuff back, stop paying her bills (she has enough cash to fly to the US to meet up with a guy...why are you financing this indirectly?)

 

Tell her this at your meeting and then go no contact.

the reason for my break up was to try and teach her a lesson.As she was leaving I tried to kiss her and she pushed me away and said "this is weird, I'm sorry"