I think I was friend zoned, what should I do?

[Dhayes]

Please read the full thing I need really solid advice right now because I'm super upset! Thank you

Okay so I have been talking to this foreign girl for 3 months now and I absolutely love her. She came up to me initiated with me, she moved things forward I pretty much didn't do much at all, she asked me to take her hiking sometime one day, she flirted a lot at work and stuff broke the touch barrier pretty fast like she brushed up against me, grabbed my arm while talking/ laughing. Honestly no girl has treated me like this before. We hung out and spent a lot of time together, we flirted a lot. Well towards the end of the summer like the 2nd to last day of work she flirted hard like grabbing me so I couldn't move, putting a peice of ice down my shirt and other things. She seemed so into me. I had spent the night at her house(shared house with a bunch of international students living there) and she was comfortable with me seeing her in her underwear and bra. At the end of the summer we planned to go to NYC(She asked for a ride originally and then asked if I would travel with her), (we work about 5hrs from the city) well the day before we left a mutual friend of ours(she's international too) told me that she knew I liked her (I hadn't told her) and that she'd consider dating me if I was older (I'm 17 going on 18 and she's 21, now this discouraged me but our mutual friend thinks it means I just have to wait until I'm older but idk) Well we went to NYC, it was really fun, she laid on my shoulder in a cab and she likes to pinch my sides a lot for some reason(hurts like hell for me) like it's a teasing gesture for her. She told me that she was impressed by my driving skills, she had me feel her abs. At night we all shared one bed with the girl I like in the middle, I kept my distance as to not make her uncomfortable but she said I could get closer and there was plenty of room. Well the trip ended with me leaving the hotel at 2am because I had school and they were staying in the city one more day. I walked down the hallway but something made me turn back (I wanted to tell her how I felt) she was sitting in the spot where I left her after I hugged goodbye, she had tears in her eyes and I just couldn't say it. Well after the trip we talked sparingly(she's always been a bad texter) and she went to Miami so I let her be, I checking in every few days to see how she was. Well her flight back home was supposed to be Friday so I told her to message me what time it would leave and she told me she skipped the flight and is now living in Miami with two friends who are also from her country, I didn't know how to feel but I told her I was happy. I jokingly said she's an American now, and she said not until I marry one. And I said "Finding someone who would marry you shouldn't be too hard" (this makes me cringe)

She said "That's a compliment I guess haha thx" (she shorthands a lot because English isn't her first language so thanks is always thx) and then i said more or less "What I meant to say is any guy would be lucky to have you" she said "I see..." and then "Thx" at this point I was just gonna let it all out, I told her how I felt, that I've liked her all summer and that she's the most amazing girl and she deserved the world. To which she responded "I have no words..."

"Thx so much I really appreciate it"

I responded by saying that I wish I had told her in person but I could never find the right moment.

She read it but responded an hour later with

"I understand..."

"Honestly I knew you liked me because that was obvious"

"You are a very very good friend and we can still talk and meet(see each other again) it won't be a problem because I am here now uhuu(this is something ppl say in her country to express excitement I guess according to her friend)" the convo continued a little after that but has since stopped. She told me to keep in touch.

I got friend zoned as you can see but here are some final things that should be taken into consideration I guess:

- in a message to me she said "Ok thx baby"

- she flirted with me a lot, expressed almost all the signs that ppl say girls do when they like someone

-she held onto me in the city sometimes, grabbed my arms but not too long

 

So here are my bottom line questions:

Does she like me?

Is it possible to escape this friendzone?

Should I keep trying or just move on?

She says we can see each other again, should I invite her to go somewhere this February, when I have school break?

Lastly, here's a strategy I was thinking of using: Should I not initiate contact for two/three weeks, give her time to miss me, I would contact her like every 2-3 days fore the past week and 1/2 since the NY trip. I read online that if I break the pattern and not reach out to her she'll miss me? Is this a good idea?

Thank you for taking the time to read about my problems, I'm truly grateful for any advice

[Dhayes]

Also I'm one of only 3 guys she's ever posted photos with on FB, I'm the only guy with more than one photo with her

[agent1607307371]

she'd consider dating me if I was older (I'm 17 going on 18 and she's 21,

 

There you go.

 

Honestly, at 21 I wouldn't have touched a 17 year old. I do think she likes you but nowhere near as much as you like her.

[Scoe141]

Does she like me? No.

Is it possible to escape this friendzone? No.

Should I keep trying or just move on? Yes. (The latter part.)

 

I don't mean to be so blunt, but here's a couple takeaways.

 

For one, you're too young for her. Don't despair, it happens.

 

Two, trying to decipher texts is hard enough, throw in some language barriers and you have yourself a disaster.

 

Three, she probably loved the attention you were giving her. If not, she liked the idea of a summer fling.

 

Fourth and finally she said, "You are a very very good friend and we can still talk and meet" That's all you really need to know. I wouldn't talk to her, or even reach out to her. It will only leave you heartbroken.

 

You seem like a good kid. Focus on some local girls and don't worry about this. It's a good memory. If it makes you feel any better, when I was living in another state, I met this girl who was from Moldova. (Yea, I had to Google it too.) She was absolutely stunning. Great personality and barely spoke a lick of English. Anyway, she would smile at me and we would have some short conversations. She gave me her number and I called her a couple times. I think I tried asking her out and it never materialized. A part of me feels like I could have been a bit more aggressive, but at the end of the day is just didn't happen. I cherish the times at the bakery where she worked and those memories will always make me smile. But in the end, she probably went back to her home country and I gave up on sweets, as the mere sight of them brought back painful memories. OK, so the last part isn't true.

 

Anyway, enjoy the memories. It sounds like you had a blast this summer.

 

If you're going on 18, then son, you have a world of dating to do.

 

I'm willing to bet you this girl will be a distant memory. I know it sucks now, and that you're hurting... but get busy, go out with friends, take up a hobby like photography and enjoy the last days of high school.

 

Chin up. You'll get through this.

[Dhayes]

Our mutual friend says I should try when I'm older, should I still keep talking to her, should I just end it. I do enjoy her company even as a friend but I'll always want more. I know she wants to have a family around the age of 23ish. Should I try and show her that I'm mature. I won't see her for awhile because I'm in NY and she's in Florida

[Scoe141]

Our mutual friend says I should try when I'm older

 

What does age have anything to do with it? If two people want to be together (legally of course) then it shouldn't matter. I believe the mutual friend is trying to tell you politely that it's not going to work. I mean what does she expect, for you to sit around and wait 2 or 3 years?

 

And why doesn't she think your mature?

[Dhayes]

Our mutual friend is the one the girl I like said she'd consider dating me if I were older. The girl I like is looking for serious relationship I think like she wants to settle down, she probably doesn't think a 17 year old want to settle down (and she's mostly right to think that) but I was always very playful around her, I didn't look like I had my life together amongst other things. I won't put my life on pause for this girl but what our mutual friend says we should do is remain friends and see where we are at in a couple of years. I don't know. I do like this girl, she's fun to be around. I've never felt this way for a girl in my life and it's the best and worst feeling

[agent1607307371]

You're 17. There will be plenty of girls you feel like this for.

[Scoe141]

You're 17. There will be plenty of girls you feel like this for.

 

This.

 

You're still figuring out who you are. What this girl does for you, or who she is, may not be the same person you want in 5, 10 or 15 years.

 

Just some food for thought.

[Capricorn3]

There you go.

 

Honestly, at 21 I wouldn't have touched a 17 year old. I do think she likes you but nowhere near as much as you like her.

 

I second this post. Not much more to add.

[Iggy5129]

Our mutual friend says I should try when I'm older, should I still keep talking to her, should I just end it. I do enjoy her company even as a friend but I'll always want more. I know she wants to have a family around the age of 23ish. Should I try and show her that I'm mature. I won't see her for awhile because I'm in NY and she's in Florida

 

But you're not mature. Youre 17. And she's 21. She's able to do things like spontaneously move to florida, you have to do things like finish high school and get home before curfew. Your lives are not at all similar, the only thing you really have in common is you both worked together this summer. That's it. Her and her friend are letting you down easy because you're young and sensitive. They're trying to protect you.

 

17 and 21 are worlds apart. No judgement for age gap relationships but at younger ages it's a big deal. What are you gonna wait outside the bars and clubs for her while she parties?

 

She's a 21 year old in Miami...trust me she's not waiting for you.