He says he is married/attached but is really single

[ladyfinger272]

I have been on a dating site and after many replies I get a message from a man (who I discovered after a week was actually my ex). We chat back and forth. As the days went on, it was obvious from all the details he says about himself, it surely was him. He has no photo up so I did not realize it until after chatting with him for a few days. I did not let on that it was me he was talking to as I was kind of curious about what he was telling people on there.

 

His profile says he is married. I dated him for 1.5 years. He has been divorced for 2 years and doesn't live with anyone, as I have been to his place countless times during the relationship. We broke up 2 weeks ago. While messaging with him, he said he was "married" and just looking for online chat friends. He proceeded to say things like "we live like roommates", "we don't kiss, or cuddle", "my wife has medical issues that prevent her from having sex", and other bla, bla bla stuff.

 

Can anyone tell me why this guy would fabricate such stories about being married and having a wife? He clearly does not. I never understand this type of mentality. I have stopped chatting with him online as I am trying to move on.

[ParisPaulette]

That one's easy, he is looking for absolutely zero commitment from anybody. And he's decided to simply troll for those women who he thinks will be "okay" with the whole idea of him not being available to them as a serious partner or future husband material and/or who have low enough self-esteem and self-worth that they'll jump right into something with a married guy.

 

He's probably has FBWs go south where the girl fell for him and then tried to argue with him about the fact that since he was single he should go ahead and give her a chance. So he in all his flawed logic has decided that by presenting himself as "married" he can avoid such future entanglements. Or maybe he decided not to chance it, but whatever the cause the reason is pretty clear-he does not women to even see him as any sort of person they could have a future with.

 

Boy, is he in for a nasty surprise. This is one that's going to backfire on him big time plus yeah, no decent woman is going to go near him.

 

It sounds to me like you dodged a serious bullet there.

[HeartGoesOn]

He may be playing along, and knows it's you on the other end. Just a thought...

[Hollyj]

I have been on a dating site and after many replies I get a message from a man (who I discovered after a week was actually my ex). We chat back and forth. As the days went on, it was obvious from all the details he says about himself, it surely was him. He has no photo up so I did not realize it until after chatting with him for a few days. I did not let on that it was me he was talking to as I was kind of curious about what he was telling people on there.

 

His profile says he is married. I dated him for 1.5 years. He has been divorced for 2 years and doesn't live with anyone, as I have been to his place countless times during the relationship. We broke up 2 weeks ago. While messaging with him, he said he was "married" and just looking for online chat friends. He proceeded to say things like "we live like roommates", "we don't kiss, or cuddle", "my wife has medical issues that prevent her from having sex", and other bla, bla bla stuff.

 

Can anyone tell me why this guy would fabricate such stories about being married and having a wife? He clearly does not. I never understand this type of mentality. I have stopped chatting with him online as I am trying to move on.

 

Can you tell me why you waste your time with this nonsense??? Certainly you have better things to do, than waste your time with this fool.

[j.man]

Agree with Paris except for the troll part. Dude wants to have fun and wants the women to know he's not available. Really, I've got little to no sympathy for any women he happens to hook up with thinking he's married who ends up catching feelings for him.

 

Now the fact you're messaging him with blank profiles is a bit cringy.

[SherrySher]

To incite sympathy and then have the excuse to be non committal should it ever progress to more.

He sounds like a liar and game player, not sure why you would bother with a man like that at all or why you continue to write him.

[MissCanuck]

Any chance he actually has married since you two broke up?

 

I realize 2 years isn't a long time, but some people do move fast.

[Hollyj]

Why are you communicating with someone that may be married? Are you pursuing married men???

[ladyfinger272]

NO I am not looking for married men at all. I would Never go near one. The guy in question here was my ex and I know for a fact he is NOT married anymore. I just happen to be on the site looking for guys to chat with. Then he (my ex) was one of the many who messaged me.

 

Curiosity got the better of me. I just couldn't believe my ex was concocting all these stories. I never took him for a liar during our relationship. He always told me he was looking for a committed relationship and sounded like a nice, normal guy.

 

Boy was I fooled. He likely had a good laugh at my expense! Sounds like from the reasons folks are giving here as to why he is doing this is - he will grow old alone, and die alone.

[j.man]

Sounds like from the reasons folks are giving here as to why he is doing this is - he will grow old alone, and die alone.

Or he'll get laid and be happy.

 

It's 50/50.

[ladyfinger272]

Since you're a guy, let me ask you this about the getting laid part.

 

In your opinion, do guys give a higher priority to "getting laid" over finding love and companionship?

 

My ex had been married twice (18 years and 12 years) before dating me. He is the shy, quiet type. I don't see him at all as a Casanova who sleeps around with multiple women. Even in bed he was always a bit awkward and restrained. He has a very hard time opening up. With me it took him months to do so.

 

I broke it off with him because of his secretiveness, disappearances and inconsistent behavior.

[ThatwasThen]

NO I am not looking for married men at all. I would Never go near one. The guy in question here was my ex and I know for a fact he is NOT married anymore. I just happen to be on the site looking for guys to chat with. Then he (my ex) was one of the many who messaged me.

 

Curiosity got the better of me. I just couldn't believe my ex was concocting all these stories. I never took him for a liar during our relationship. He always told me he was looking for a committed relationship and sounded like a nice, normal guy.

 

Boy was I fooled. He likely had a good laugh at my expense! Sounds like from the reasons folks are giving here as to why he is doing this is - he will grow old alone, and die alone.

You know how you can find out why he is doing this. But first make sure he's not been married the whole time he was with you and she was overseas or something. You ask to meet him and get there later then the agreed to time so that he can't bolt when he sees you sitting there before you see him. Then you order a drink and ask him calmly what his game is.

 

Oh... but you say this

as I am trying to move on

If that's true then you wouldn't think of doing that and you wouldn't want to know why he doing anything at all actually. Satisfy your curiosity by doing something or forget speculation and guesses from us peons here on Enotalone.

[Hollyj]

Why are you putting any energy into this guy? He is your past.

 

His behavior on the site is off, and shows you what type of guy he is.

[ladyfinger272]

I am not putting any energy into HIM.

I am simply trying to understand human behavior generally speaking. Why people do the things they do.

[Hermes]

Don't bother trying, Lady. Unless you are thinking of doing a degree in psychology and this becomes a sort of field study.

[Hollyj]

I am not putting any energy into HIM.

I am simply trying to understand human behavior generally speaking. Why people do the things they do.

 

That is putting energy in. Who cares what he's doing. You should be done with this!