Advice For Dealing With Being Single

[Charburst]

I used to think God wanted me to be alone and hopeless. But I now know it was to learn how to help those who are. I'm not claiming to be an expert, but I do have a lot to offer in terms of advice on coping with singleness. I don't have much to say about being in a relationship, so I'm probably not the best one to ask for help with a current relationship.

I would like to do what I can to help those who've lost hope in love.

[lostandhurt]

Being single is not fatal and is actually very refreshing at times as it allows you to be yourself totally. Life has a way of bringing people into our lives when we actually live our lives as we are supposed to.

 

Enjoying your life as a single person or as a couple can be just as rewarding. If you desire companionship seek it out but do not make it a prerequisite for your happiness.

 

Lost

[Wiseman2]

I used to think God wanted me to be alone and hopeless. But I now know it was to learn how to help those who are.

]

[j.man]

Deal with being single?

 

Please, it should consistently be some of the best times of your life. Not having to answer to the emotional needs or relationship boundaries of a partner is awesome. Pick up some hobbies, do some shameless binging, date just for the hell for it, do some solo-traveling.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love the relationship I'm in and wouldn't opt out, but I'd definitely make due either way.

[IAmFCA]

Often we think of aspects of.our lives as silos when in fact similar patterns are impacting our work lives, friendships, family relationships, as well as our dating lives.

 

I suggest encouraging the advisee to think about friendship: whom they choose, how they invest in those people, how they let other people share in their lives. Enhance friendship patterns, and other forms of love may follow. And if not, friendship is a wonderful gift that lasts linger than most romantic attachments. That is where the focus needs to be.

 

Also I caution you. Each of us is here for a reason; rarely if ever does that reason entail sacrificing your emotional health for the good of others. If you want for a relationship, it may be time to turn your spotlight into yourself and do some self therapy. Just sayin.

[IAmFCA]

Deal with being single?

 

Please, it should consistently be some of the best times of your life. Not having to answer to the emotional needs or relationship boundaries of a partner is awesome. Pick up some hobbies, do some shameless binging, date just for the hell for it, do some solo-traveling.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love the relationship I'm in and wouldn't opt out, but I'd definitely make due either way.

 

Oh, for sure. The ability to behave with respect to myself and my kids as I see fit, in my sole and absolute discretion : unparalleled wonderfulness.

[Hollyj]

I used to think God wanted me to be alone and hopeless. But I now know it was to learn how to help those who are. I'm not claiming to be an expert, but I do have a lot to offer in terms of advice on coping with singleness. I don't have much to say about being in a relationship, so I'm probably not the best one to ask for help with a current relationship.

I would like to do what I can to help those who've lost hope in love.

 

I would never equate being alone, to being hopeless. Good grief!

 

I hope to find a life partner, but am also quite happy being on my own. i do not need another to fulfill me.

[Charburst]

That's the idea

[moodindigo91]

Yeah I hate when people say that being single is the same as being alone. Why are people these days so afraid of being alone anyway? What's wrong with being alone sometimes? I quite enjoy my solitude when I get it, I would rather be alone than be in a large crowd of people. I would rather be single than waste time on romantic relationships that won't pan out. All relationships matter in life, not just romantic relationships. I don't understand why people would need to cope with being single.

[Charburst]

It's not as easy as "look on the bright side". Constant disappointment in one's love life is what makes people hopeless, not just being single.

[IAmFCA]

It's not as easy as "look on the bright side". Constant disappointment in one's love life is what makes people hopeless, not just being single.

 

Constant disappointment is a function of our own filter.

 

Every single one of us who has had a relationship has dated, been rejected, made some mistakes, fell in love, broken up, let go. Very few stay for life with their first love. It's up to each of us whether we see that process as a string of disappointmenta, a string of gifts, or simply the wealth and breadth of the human experience.

 

We are not meant to be always happy in the sense of gleeful. We are meant to be soulful. That means we will feel pain, and it hurts like hell, and it also validates that we had something meaningful and that we are human.

 

In that way, the pain of loves ending is also a sort of gift.

[Hollyj]

It's not as easy as "look on the bright side". Constant disappointment in one's love life is what makes people hopeless, not just being single.

 

That's because people continue to chose the wrong people. If they were emotionally healthy, they would be more discerning.

[IAmFCA]

That's because people continue to chose the wrong people. If they were emotionally healthy, they would be more discerning.

 

... And still go through the arc of learning each other, and detaching... And trying again

[lostandhurt]

It's not as easy as "look on the bright side". Constant disappointment in one's love life is what makes people hopeless, not just being single.

 

The point that all of us are trying to make (I think) is that if YOUR LIFE is pretty darn good while single and you have some disappointments while dating YOUR LIFE is still pretty darn good. Like playing the stock market. If you have a million dollars invested and a stock you own loses a 10k it doesn't hurt near as much as if you had 15K invested and lost 10K.

 

Make your life as wonderful and fulfilling as you want it to be and these bumps in the dating world will feel more like pebbles not boulders.

 

Lost

[gypsybird87]

The point that all of us are trying to make (I think) is that if YOUR LIFE is pretty darn good while single and you have some disappointments while dating YOUR LIFE is still pretty darn good. Like playing the stock market. If you have a million dollars invested and a stock you own loses a 10k it doesn't hurt near as much as if you had 15K invested and lost 10K.

 

Make your life as wonderful and fulfilling as you want it to be and these bumps in the dating world will feel more like pebbles not boulders.

 

Lost

 

^^This. Well put. Dating/relationship disappointment is just as discouraging as anything else you put time, effort and emotion into, and then it doesn't work out. The way people end up so profoundly "hopeless and alone" is because they've wrapped their entire existence around their need to have a partner. They are looking for happiness in someone else, and it doesn't work that way.

 

I am a daughter, niece, friend, neighbor, co-worker, workout buddy, and a dog-mom... I am also a sailor, an archer, a gun-shooter, a dancer, a biker, a writer, a reader, an adventurous solo traveler, and a hundred other things.

 

I've been a girlfriend. I've been a wife. Currently I'm neither. But those roles, whether active or not, do not define me. They aren't the source of my happiness, because they are not all that I am.