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Potential cyber relationship...does he just seem too busy or not interested?


Lucyeighty8

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We met online but not a dating site, we met on a question forum...helping each other with advice. We then became friends on facebook. We talked on and off casually but he would always 'like' my profile photos and call me his beautiful friend. One day I messaged him about some sad news he recieived. He mentioned about some old posts of mine. A couple of days later I posted a new profile photo. He 'liked' it and messaged me saying he loves my new photo and I look absolutely beauitful....well conversations just flowed from there...non-stop everyday for over a month. Talked about our lives. His son (mother is deceased) Talks got spicy/exciting and have exchanged many pictures ecluding tasteful pictures (we were both pleased with what we saw top half only). He has previously said I'm absolutely gorgeous and he not afraid to admit that I'm out of his leaque, He has also asked where can he find a girl like me. If we were in the same country and seen me around he would definately hit on me. He would not hesitate to ask me out/date me. He later said he thinks I may just be his dream girl. I said he seems to be ticking all my boxes too. We arranged that I would be going over next summer. We talked of dates etc. He seemed serious in his words/plans. He seemed absolutely smitten and I could do no wrong...which is good because I can be clumsy with my words. We agreed on alot...especially about relationships and communication is key etc and he said I was a very smart lady. So I didn't think he would be the type to go M.I.A. Definately doesn't come across the type to ghost (my last reply is still sitting unread). All of a sudden things have gone quiet. I didn't hear from him for a few days...knowing he was super busy. So I flicked a message hoping he was having a good day and what his plans were for the weekend. He messaged back telling me of his plans and mentioned something that was in relation to a my fb post...so clearly he's looking at my page, but contact seems to have stopped. I know he has been over-welmingly busy of late...more then usual. But it's strange he hasn't been in touch for 5 days. I do have a tendancy to over-think and get anxious. I don't feel anything has changed and have read that some guys can have a pull back after being too intense too fast. He has been quite obvious in his interest towards me. But being in our thirties I thought he would be past game playing. I did in a earlier converstaion ask about his ex marriage (that ended 10 years ago) but got impression I hit a nerve...but I quickly apoligized and moved topic, we still spoke plenty after that over the next few days so I don't think that he's upset or it's anything to go by. I got impresssion he was serious and this would become something from things he had said. He also knows I'm not a flash in the pan kind of girl...not interested in just a fling. I got the same impression from him.

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The big problem here is you two have not met and dont appear to live near each other. The bottom line is you dont actually know him. You know what he's told you but that's it. He will have a life apart from chatting online with you and he may well be in another relationship or could possibly be married. You can't know for sure that he is who he says he is. Please remove your rose coloured glasses and try to think with your head rather than your heart. He may have moved on to another online female. I'm not trying to ruin your day but you need to try to be objective about this, hard as that is.

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The big problem here is you two have not met and dont appear to live near each other. The bottom line is you dont actually know him. You know what he's told you but that's it. He will have a life apart from chatting online with you and he may well be in another relationship or could possibly be married. You can't know for sure that he is who he says he is. Please remove your rose coloured glasses and try to think with your head rather than your heart. He may have moved on to another online female. I'm not trying to ruin your day but you need to try to be objective about this, hard as that is.

 

Thank you, as we are friends on facebook. Everything he says/does seems to match up to his facebook. I admit I am a facebook stalker and there doesn't seem to be any kind of suspicious behaviour or no certain female (who isn't a relation) liking every post/picture etc...except me lol.

Only natural those sort of things you've mentioned would cross my mind but I don't get gut/funny feelings about them.

As I said we starting talking as friends first. We met on a question forum...he asked a question...how do women feel about dating single dads...I put my honest input and if he wouldn't mind helping me with some advice. He didn't mind and he gave me advice over another (single dad) guy I liked at the time (which never worked out anyway). Then after a few weeks of talking he asked what I looked like (Guess he thought I must be ugly and that's why the guy I liked didn't like me...because I seemed amazing...haha he certainly got a shock). So I sent him my facebook link for him to have a nosey at my profile/cover photo...not expecting to get friend request. I thought what the hell...no harm can come of making a new friend lol. I definately never expected this to happen...niether did he, I don't think. He was always very talkative and we talked as friends...he was however always complimentary and I always kindly accepted etc. I would compliment him where I saw fit. I did think he was handsome but didn't make a huge fuss about it, then I realized that I actually kinda like this guy but never showed it/acted on it until months later when he complimented me on my new photo, then we talked non-stop and I started to show my interest, then our converstions really took flight and got deeper, longer next minute things also started getting playful, flirty and intense. We both said things that didn't scare each other away. We could almost say anything to each other and not have to worry about it. I have mentioned to him I can understand if he can't wait for me, He asked why I didn't think he could wait for me.

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It's easy to say anything to one another because you are strangers and have a virtual/fantasy relationship.

 

The crap about being his "dream girl" would be a huge red flag for me, as he has never met you.

 

Why are you sending "spicy" photos to a stranger, as he could be posting them on the internet. NOT SMART!

 

Lastly, why would you travel to him? He should be the one to come to you.

 

Find someone local.

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Not now I can't tell...But in the last message he gave it away he had been looking...said "I hope the studying is going well..." I'm holding back from messaging him again. I'm waiting for him to come to me. My last reply still remains unread/unseen. But no I guess it wasn't really a responsive reply. Just related to his plans that he had over that weekend and that he sounded super busy but a fun packed weekend. It's a shame if he has lost interest as it seemed to be going quite well. Also sucks because I can't understand how someone can be so switten one minute to no interest what so ever the next...especially when this built up from a freindship over a few months talking. I can understand if he's too busy to talk all the time like we were doing...it was abit excessive (I wouldn't be suprised if things were slipping behind)...but to stop talking all together. He hasn't deleted me off fb yet so I guess thta's a good sign. But I'll give it a few weeks/give him the benefit of the doubt that he is just super busy. It's his birthday soon, so I'll post a message on his page, maybe send one last message and if I don't hear anything then I will delete him. No point having someone on there that no longer wishes to exchange conversation. He works full time, has to take care of his boy...including taking him to his extra activities, take care of dinner, cleaning, laundry, plus exercise etc. He actually sounded abit stressed about how busy he was...alot busier then usual (as much as he likes to be busy). I have heard that some guys like you to tell them you miss them and play this card for that reason...but that will just make me look desperate lol. Seriously he's got to be more secure then that to need me to spell that out for him. It's only obvious/natural that after talking to him so long/freqently to nothing that I gonna miss him. But Maybe if I compliment the great job he's doing as a single father.

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Thank you Hollyj

My face wasn't included in photo so there will be no connection to it being me if he did post online...I was being smart about that. His topless he sent me however has his face in it. This is all after we've been talking for ages. We've been talking for months as friends, talked about all sorts of things before we actually started talking romantically/showing feelings convos getting spicy. He has legit reasons (which check out) for me travelling over first (plus I've always wanted to visit his country). Then he was going to travel here next. I told him I couldn't move there but he was open to the idea of moving here (but me thinking about...without telling him this, it would be unfair to make him uplift his son from his family/friends and school...when I have no real hold backs except missing my family).

Also Thank you for telling me to find someone local...like I said to Melancholy when I started talking to him I never expected this to happen. I don't think he did either.

I never actually go looking for love. I meet these people naturally. Like I said we were friends first. Guess it's true what they say...you can't help who you fall for.

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Hmm it's been 5 days? And you know he's still online looking? Did you give him a message that he should respond to? If not he might not be interested anymore. Good luck

 

Not now I can't tell...But in the last message he gave it away he had been looking...said "I hope the studying is going well..." I'm holding back from messaging him again. I'm waiting for him to come to me. My last reply still remains unread/unseen. But no I guess it wasn't really a responsive reply. Just related to his plans that he had over that weekend and that he sounded super busy but a fun packed weekend. It's a shame if he has lost interest as it seemed to be going quite well. Also sucks because I can't understand how someone can be so switten one minute to no interest what so ever the next...especially when this built up from a freindship over a few months talking. I can understand if he's too busy to talk all the time like we were doing...it was abit excessive (I wouldn't be suprised if things were slipping behind)...but to stop talking all together. He hasn't deleted me off fb yet so I guess thta's a good sign. But I'll give it a few weeks/give him the benefit of the doubt that he is just super busy. It's his birthday soon, so I'll post a message on his page, maybe send one last message and if I don't hear anything then I will delete him. No point having someone on there that no longer wishes to exchange conversation. He works full time, has to take care of his boy...including taking him to his extra activities, take care of dinner, cleaning, laundry, plus exercise etc. He actually sounded abit stressed about how busy he was...alot busier then usual (as much as he likes to be busy). I have heard that some guys like you to tell them you miss them and play this card for that reason...but that will just make me look desperate lol. Seriously he's got to be more secure then that to need me to spell that out for him. It's only obvious/natural that after talking to him so long/freqently to nothing that I gonna miss him. But Maybe if I compliment the great job he's doing as a single father.

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It's easy to say anything to one another because you are strangers and have a virtual/fantasy relationship.

 

The crap about being his "dream girl" would be a huge red flag for me, as he has never met you.

 

Why are you sending "spicy" photos to a stranger, as he could be posting them on the internet. NOT SMART!

 

Lastly, why would you travel to him? He should be the one to come to you.

 

Find someone local.

 

Thank you Hollyj

My face wasn't included in photo so there will be no connection to it being me if he did post online...I was being smart about that. His topless he sent me however has his face in it. This is all after we've been talking for ages. We've been talking for months as friends, talked about all sorts of things before we actually started talking romantically/showing feelings convos getting spicy. He has legit reasons (which check out) for me travelling over first (plus I've always wanted to visit his country). Then he was going to travel here next. I told him I couldn't move there but he was open to the idea of moving here (but me thinking about...without telling him this, it would be unfair to make him uplift his son from his family/friends and school...when I have no real hold backs except missing my family).

Also Thank you for telling me to find someone local...like I said to Melancholy when I started talking to him I never expected this to happen. I don't think he did either.

I never actually go looking for love. I meet these people naturally. Like I said we were friends first. Guess it's true what they say...you can't help who you fall for.

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He lives in a different country and you won't see him until next summer. That is a long time off, and a lot of distance.

 

I wouldn't hold your breath for this one, OP. Sometimes people get wrapped up in the thrill of flirting and getting attention but then it wears off and reality sets in. You don't really know him, and shoudln't be using Facebook as a measure of his character. People can post just about anything and fidget with the settings to prevent people from seeing certain things. What you're seeing might be a true representation of him, but it could also be a very modified version of it.

 

I have to admit, some of things he's said to you (you're my dream girl, where can I find a girl like you, etc) scream "player." He doesn't even know you. Be careful here.

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He lives in a different country and you won't see him until next summer. That is a long time off, and a lot of distance.

 

I wouldn't hold your breath for this one, OP. Sometimes people get wrapped up in the thrill of flirting and getting attention but then it wears off and reality sets in. You don't really know him, and shoudln't be using Facebook as a measure of his character. People can post just about anything and fidget with the settings to prevent people from seeing certain things. What you're seeing might be a true representation of him, but it could also be a very modified version of it.

 

I have to admit, some of things he's said to you (you're my dream girl, where can I find a girl like you, etc) scream "player." He doesn't even know you. Be careful here.

 

Again, these are things said after months of talking. We have been talking for months as friends before this kind of romantic talk etc. If I just started talking to him and he was saying these sorts of things then yes I would be thinking red flags, player and running for the hills etc.

 

I got curious and checked out his answers to other people's questions. On the question forum we met on. His answers seem genuine of a mature respectful person. I could be wrong. But time will tell I guess.

 

I don't get gut/ill feelings etc.

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Again, these are things said after months of talking. We have been talking for months as friends before this kind of romantic talk etc. If I just started talking to him and he was saying these sorts of things then yes I would be thinking red flags, player and running for the hills etc.

 

I got curious and checked out his answers to other people's questions. On the question forum we met on. His answers seem genuine of a mature respectful person. I could be wrong. But time will tell I guess.

 

I don't get gut/ill feelings etc.

 

He does not know you. The guy is playing you.

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Maybe his wife/gf came back into the picture...or never left. Be careful not to invest your heart in the darkness like this.

But it's strange he hasn't been in touch for 5 days. I did in a earlier converstaion ask about his ex marriage (that ended 10 years ago) but got impression I hit a nerve.
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Maybe his wife/gf came back into the picture...or never left. Be careful not to invest your heart in the darkness like this.

 

His ex wife (boys mother) Was out of both thier lives for many years and has also past away (there were posts about her/tributes. I posted a comment of my condolences)

From what I can gather he has been happily single for some time. We've also had converstaions (as friends) about how he would be very careful who he lets into his life...unless he knows thier serious because of his son. He gets attached to people quickly and easily. Since then when we got into deeper converstions, he brought his son into the equation...saying I would fall in love with him, he's such a great kid. I joked and said I hope I wouldn't be a bad influence on him, he said I couldn't be any worse then his uncles/aunties.

 

We've both given each other the impresssion we're both serious about this and probably make each other wait/work for it. He seemed genuine in his words and very mature and agreed that communication is very important. I don't get the impression he is a bad guy or get feelings of there being anybody else.

He did however get extremely over-whelmingly busy...sounded stressed over it. Yes it's odd he's gone very quiet.

I don't know if he's wanting me to message him/testing my true interest. Because he was the one at first that was showing all the interest.

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OP, when was the last time you were just so busy that you couldn't take 10 seconds to text someone you like, for several days?

 

Texting someone for months on end without ever having met in person just isn't sustainable for most people. Sure, it's fun in the beginning and we all like knowing someone finds us attractive. Having someone to talk to feels good. But the thrill tends to wane, particularly if someone local has entered the picture. I think it's quite possible that's what has happened here. If you know he's been online but has been avoiding reading your messages and thus effectively cut off communication, there's a reason for it.

 

I would not hold out hope for this guy. Maybe you will reconnect at some point, but I think you would find your energy is better spent meeting good guys in your area.

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