Colleague issues, need some advice.

[Emmy321]

I always get along with my co-workers. I'm a very easy person to get along with. I feel kind of silly asking for advice about this but i really have no idea how to deal with it and do my job. This girl and I would talk all the time, we would get along great Since the day she started. Then recently all of sudden I was joking with her about somthing and she tells I'm getting on her nerves and suddenly stops talking me, she talks everyone else but me except for when I say something to . I just left it alone for while thinking it would blow over whatever I did. It hasn't and yesterday I finally asked if we ever going to work it out. She Asked work what out and I told she used talk to me all time and now she doesn't. She had said we a have working relationship, meanwhile she treats everyone else like they are her best friend. I don't know what happened, Why the sudden change. I don't want a working relationship with her this if how she's going to be. It's probably over something stupid. I'm trying not to let it bother me but it kind Does and I'm a little hurt by it. I know it it's sounds so childish but I don't what to do.

[gebaird]

I've lived this nightmare. Had a co-worker that wouldn't even give me the time of day. I could feel the hatred in every word she spoke to me. Had to sit in the same room with her for a year. She wouldn't even say hello or goodbye back to me. It was like I'd killed her family, but I never did a single thing to her.

 

I think the biggest lesson I learned from the experience is that I don't control other people's perceptions of me. I had to let go of the need to make her like me and swallow my pride and still be professional in spite of her unprofessional behavior. There was literally nothing I could do. We did have some work incidents that caused me to share my concerns with management. She was written up and sent home for a few days, and was more cordial after that -- outwardly, anyway. I ended up leaving the position partly to get away from her.

 

It sounds to me like you've made an attempt to be civil and been rebuffed. I'd let it go and just keep doing your job, if you can. Escalate to management if it's affecting your ability to get work done, and try not to take the resentment you feel home with you after the workday is done. If it gets to where you can't handle it, search for a new position. Some people just love to create drama.

[Emmy321]

Thank you. I just don't understand how someone can go from be friendly and cool with you to the opposite for no reason.

[ParisPaulette]

Honestly, either a) she thinks you're interested in her romantically and doesn't want to lead you on or b) she is romantically interested in you, but doesn't want to have anything to do with a coworker or to lead you on so is distancing herself.

 

Or maybe she's one of those uber-sensitive people who take offense at the slightest of slight issues and then holds a grudge, who knows. Or she does this to mess with people's heads or you suddenly reminded her of someone who hurt her once or she has issues like drugs or .or.or. The possibilities are endless.

 

Regardless, all you can do is accept that unless she chooses to communicate with you there is nothing you can do and it's actually her problem to deal with, her issues, not yours. Be how you are with everyone else. Ignore her back, move on. You cannot get everyone to like you and you cannot be a mind reader and some people don't ever want to confront or open up, they just stew and it is what it is.

 

This is something you will end up happening across with some people in business. I left a long-term career in part, because I had a boss who would be totally chummy to me one week, then cut me dead the next in front of people, act as if I was just the worst person ever, then flip the switch the next week and be my bestest of best friends again. It drove me crazy, because I never knew what would happen with her or what she'd say or not say or anything.

 

The job was already an ulcer factory and getting really old for me, so that was just kind of the nail in the coffin. Later on she tried to hire me on to do contract work, I refused, she couldn't understand why because "we always had such a great working relationship." It took everything I had not to yell at her, "Yeah, except for the times you insulted me in front of the other staff or I said hello and you'd make a noise of disgust then walk past me literally with your nose in the air like I'd just farted on you."

 

So it is what it is. Stop focusing on her, focus on the people you get along with and treat her exactly like a coworker, address nothing but work, ignore her the rest of the time.

 

Personally, I have never understood people who blow hot and cold then won't communicate about it. It's so weird and just mental I actually can't fathom it. Hate me, love me, be indifferent to me I don't care, but be consistent about that. Otherwise to me it's a giant red flag of the "stay away from this one" variety.

[Emmy321]

Thanks. I am trying to let it go and ignoring her .. Unless I must speak with about work. I just hate this kind of stuff.