Advice needed on relationship trouble with father of my 5 month old

[Pinkypie67]

So, I've been with my partner around 18 months and we got pregnant quite quickly and unexpectedly. We both love being parents to our little boy but we have not got along well at all since I was about 6 months pregnant. We argue constantly and have not had any intimacy at all since the early days of my pregnancy. I often get upset because small things escalate so easily with my partner and he has a bad habit of shouting at me as soon as he gets frustrated, instead of talking to me. No matter how much I ask him to talk to me like an adult, he still shouts at me. One of the problems I have is that I live away from my friends and family because of my partner's job. He has been unable to relocate and I feel completely isolated and very lonely. I'm also exclusively breastfeeding and feel stuck to the chair and like I can't do anything, so this doesn't help! My partner spends time on his hobbies at weekends, and I end up feeling frustrated that it is not fair (me living away from everyone but him getting to still live his normal life). The other problem I have is that I feel like a burden on my partner financially. He often makes comments that make me feel like he resents paying for the house bills etc while I am on very poorly paid maternity leave. I don't feel like we are a partnership in that way and I feel guilty that I have to depend on him. So here is where I really need advice from an impartial source... I know that ultimately this man does not make me happy and I know I don't want to be in a romantic relationship with him BUT it's not as easy as leaving him because I want him to see our baby as much as he wants, and if I move into the one place I can (with a family member) then he can only see him at weekends and I will have to live with the guilt of taking his baby away from him! I want to have an amicable parental relationship with him if/when we split but I don't think he will be so friendly! He has already said he will be in a mood for a long time if we end it... I just don't know how to go about any of it. I can't talk to anyone about this because no one seems to understand. All I got from my mum was 'sometimes you have to put your own needs on the back burner and do what's right for the children'. Well am I any good to my son if I am constantly miserable? Urgh. Help needed, please!!!

Thanks if you read all of that!!!

[ThatwasThen]

Why don't you join a Moms and Tots group or something similar in your neighbourhood. You can google for something in your area. Get yourself out there and make new friends with the other mothers and get your mind off of things. If you are happier due to doing more then being a human milking machine (at the moment) then it will come across to your partner and perhaps he'll become a decent human.

 

It will do you good to get out and make friends and you can breast feed anywhere this day and age (they have discreet coverups for such a time) so don't worry about having to only do it at home.

[melancholy123]

Good idea about the Moms and Tots. If there isn't one in your area, see if you can start one. It really is hard to be "stuck" at home with a young baby, I've been there, done that too. If you are really unhappy with your partner you do need to figure out how to leave. If he can only see the child on the weekend, then so be it. That's not the end of the world for any of you. Guilt is a waste of emotion. As long as you give dad and son as much time together as possible then you are heading in the right direction. Staying with him out of guilt is just wrong.

[tattoobunnie]

So you have to keep sacrificing for the next 18 years?

 

Hell-No! You are the MOM!!!!!

 

Repeat after me, "you are the MOM!" Now grow some mom strength, and tell him what you need, when you need it. If he wants the privilege and convenience of being able to see his kid whenever he wants, he needs to pitch in. Next time he makes a complaint about finances, you tell him, if he has a problem with you, you and the baby "DO NOT HAVE TO BE HERE" and that you can move home no problem, and you do not have to put up with his attitude.

 

And because he's the dad, he should be changing diapers, cooking, cleaning, and bathing, regardless if he's working or not. He's the fricken day, and needs to dad up!

 

Some just eat round the clock, but gets better by month 5/6 when they start eating solids. I've got plenty of lady balls to not put up with that non-sense. I usually don't invite, but PM me if you need some more tips! Don't put up with bad behavior, because your baby soaks up how you treat woman. If you show them you can treat them like crap, they follow!

[Pinkypie67]

Thanks for the replies, everyone. I suffer from anxiety and I'm not really feeling like going to groups etc! I think I just need to get some confidence to deal with leaving and putting up with all the nastiness I'm going to get when I do!

[Wiseman2]

Contact your family and go, then set up a child support/visitation schedule through the courts. You do not need permission to leave him, but you do need courts to arrange his responsibilities and his rights to see the child.

I think I just need to get some confidence to deal with leaving and putting up with all the nastiness I'm going to get when I do!