Things Were Great..Then She Started Law School

[wildlife97]

I have been with my girlfriend for over a year, we are both in our late 20s. It was the best relationship I have ever been in, great love, never fought, always happy and smiling. We lived in California, in May her dad was diagnosed with cancer and she went home to DC to help her mom and dad out for several months. Obviously Cali to DC is long distance but things didn't really change. We messaged each other everyday and talked on the phone every 2-3 days or so.

 

In late August she moved back to Cali but about 6 hours south of me to start law school. It's only been like three weeks since we've seen each other and things have changed. We have talked on the phone like two times, she barely ever messages me, if she does it takes forever to respond. I ask if everything's ok or if there's something going on and she's were good and she's just stressed. I know law school is hard, but one minute she says she's stressed and the other she's saying school is easy and she's lonely. Well if your lonely why won't she communicate with me?

 

She always said she has never cheated on anyone but it just seems like something is going on, why the random change? Before me she was with her college boyfriend of four years, they broke up because of distance (her in Cali, him in DC). When she moved back to DC this year she told me moving away from me was a lot harder then moving away from her then boyfriend of four years. Last night I was trying to figure out whats going on and she said she wants to talk more but she's not good at long distance. I just don't get why we were okay when I was in Cali and she was in DC, but now that were both in the same state but 6 hours apart it's now difficult for her. In a month I'll be moving south and will only be like 2 hours from her.

 

I don't want to lose this girl. I don't want to be that crazy guy but also don't want to be a fool..

[gebaird]

Hopefully it's just an adjustment period and she'll be her old self again once she gets used to the law school routine. You'll know more in a month when you are closer to her and can see her on weekends & such. If she's still distant at that point, she's probably cheating or has lost interest. It's okay to express your concerns about the relationship in a non-threatening way.

[janut1]

Long distance is hard for some people. Did she break up with her last BF before dating you? How long was she out of that relationship before you started dating?

 

If she says she's never cheated and you trust her, that should not be something you should worry about. But, on the other hand, if she doesn't do well with long distance and she knows that, there is the possibility of her breaking up with you if you cannot live close to each other.

 

Law school is going to be very stressful. She will be spending hours in class, studying and doing case studies etc. So she may not have the same time she had when she was in DC to chat with you.

 

You both need to talk about what you expect from each other during this time apart. Can you stay together or should you move on? It sounds like you both need to be more clear on your expectations. I would do it soon because it sounds like she is already being distant.

[wildlife97]

Long distance is hard for some people. Did she break up with her last BF before dating you? How long was she out of that relationship before you started dating?

 

Yes she ended it with her ex before we started dating. They had been long distance for about a year before they split. There wasn't that much of a gap between me and him, I'd say a month tops, likely just a couple weeks.

[gebaird]

There wasn't that much of a gap between me and him, I'd say a month tops, likely just a couple weeks.

 

Kind of scary when a new relationship starts so soon after the old one ends. It may not be a deal breaker, but sometimes it means the baggage from the old relationship hasn't been processed and now with a new LD situation she could be reliving some of her old nightmare.

[Wiseman2]

Sadly with all that's going on it sounds like she's backing out of the relationship, but isn't forthcoming about it except saying "she said she wants to talk more but she's not good at long distance".

 

Unfortunately it sounds like she is using the "busy, stressed" method of fading out. Have you ever lived in the same area? How long were you dating?

she went home to DC to help her mom and dad out for several months. she moved back to Cali but about 6 hours south of me to start law school.

[wildlife97]

Sadly with all that's going on it sounds like she's backing out of the relationship, but isn't forthcoming about it except saying "she said she wants to talk more but she's not good at long distance".

 

Unfortunately it sounds like she is using the "busy, stressed" method of fading out. Have you ever lived in the same area? How long were you dating?

 

We lived in the same area (very close) for about a year before we started dating. Then for about a year actually dating we lived very close (saw eachother almost everyday), she would stay at my place nearly every night, especially later in the relationship.

 

It's only been the past few months that we've lived apart (either her at home in DC or now at school.)

[thejigsup]

Get used to this. My late fiance was an attorney and he said law school is the most difficult thing he ever did. LONG hours of written homework, cases to read and memorize, and logic, always logical thinking, to master. Like medical school, it's not for the faint of heart. You won't see a whole lot of her when she's an attorney, either. 70 hours per week is not unusual for them to work. I liked it because I'm very independent and like time with my friends and working on my own career. But for most people, it would be a very lonely existence. They're just not there a lot of the time, both physically and mentally. I feel for you. It's very hard on most people to have this kind of relationship.

[wildlife97]

Get used to this. My late fiance was an attorney and he said law school is the most difficult thing he ever did. LONG hours of written homework, cases to read and memorize, and logic, always logical thinking, to master. Like medical school, it's not for the faint of heart. You won't see a whole lot of her when she's an attorney, either. 70 hours per week is not unusual for them to work. I liked it because I'm very independent and like time with my friends and working on my own career. But for most people, it would be a very lonely existence. They're just not there a lot of the time, both physically and mentally. I feel for you. It's very hard on most people to have this kind of relationship.

I knew it'd be a lot of work for her and it'd be different for us. I guess I'm just confused when she says school is easy so far and she's lonely. Well why don't you call then? Doesn't seem like she's busy 24/7 studying yet. Guess that's why I'm concerned.

[No1]

Be prepared and accept about being #2 to her school. If you are not supportive and you are demanding of her time and attention its going to end very badly for you. Understand she is bettering her life and her future and if you want to be part of it, then be behind her or next to her instead of being in front of her demanding attention.

 

So choice is yours. Selfish or Unselfish