Advice Regarding Situation

[ladyjedi]

I just need some advice about my situation.

 

So I reconnected with an old friend from high school in beginning of June. Since June we have been intimate about 10 times as a friends with benefits situation where he goes back and forth as wanting to be friends with benefits.

 

In this time, I have meet all his close friends and family. Where they all tell me to give him time as he really seems to like me and I am exactly what he needs and what he wants and that he just needs to get over a toxic ex that is in and out of his life.

 

So in the beginning, it was great until this toxic person found out that he had another girl coming around. Now, he told me that he will always lover her as they have been through a lot together and on and off for 6 years and his ONLY serious relationship. (he is 32 and she is 26). In this time she has cheated on him many times, got him arrested claiming stocking and other things). He told me that she only comes around when she needs something from him and everyone in his life i.e. his family and friends all hate her and she is not welcome around them. He once told me there is no up with her.

 

Recently, he invited me to take a week and a half trip across the country to visit with his family. We had a great time and he introduced me to his sister and father. We had sex about 2 times did other things 5 or more time but when we got back from the trip he went back to wanting just friends without benefits. He says he really cares about me and that at this time he just wants to be just friends at the time.

 

So I guess I am not sure what to do. He still wants to hang out and be friends and do things like movies, lunch dinner dates but how do you do that when one has feelings and I have mentioned this to him and he smiles and says just friends for right now. When I mention if it has anything to do with his ex he said that he just wants to help her out and now she is being around a lot more because she lost her job and has nothing better to do as he does not have a job either at the moment.

 

It makes me feel horrible. He is a good guy. I really like him and value our friendship and we have a great time. But should I just stay around and be a friend and wait until he is ready or do I just end the friendship and keep my distance because I got feeling for him.

[Knot2loud]

The downfall of becoming intimate with a friend... You never know if the relationship will only be one-sided when you begin caring for the other person. Add an EX into the equation and the guess work goes viral.

 

I'm not sure what you can do. Maybe sit back and see what happens between him and his EX? I'm sure he'll come back to you when he gets an itch. Maybe you can ask him what his intentions are or maybe tell him how you feel.

 

I'm not condemning you and don't think I'm being insulting. Everyone wants to be loved and cared for in any type of relationship. I do hope it works out for you - whatever your own intentions are. Maybe this guy just isn't the right guy for you.

 

Good luck to you.

[reinventmyself]

I personally would not accept being demoted to a friend. Especially in light of you having feelings for him it would be really difficult to be his friend and at the same time wanting more.

How will you feel when he's dating someone else?

 

I would shore up my dignity and tell him you understand that he needs to do whats right for him and you respect that.

At the same time you need to do what's right for you and that is to move on.

If anything changes, tell him to let you know.

 

He will respect you for that. He's likely to lose respect for you if you hang around on his terms.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately this sounds like a recipe for heartache. Don't let his family talk you into being a band-aid for his divorce, listen to his words at face value.

 

He has repeatedly stated he does not want a relationship and is on/off with his "ex". Either way waiting around hoping this will become exclusive or serious will not end well for you, I'm afraid.

 

Since June we have been intimate about 10 times as a friends with benefits situation Now, he told me that he will always lover her as they have been through a lot together and on and off for 6 years. He says he really cares about me and that at this time he just wants to be just friends at the time.

[gebaird]

FWB only works if that's what you both want. When one person wants commitment and the other doesn't, pain ensues.

 

Tell him you care for him, and for yourself, enough to move on rather than remain in this dysfunctional space. If he's ACTUALLY available down the road, and you happen to be available as well, maybe something could work out. Otherwise, sayonara.

[catfeeder]

he goes back and forth as wanting to be friends with benefits.

 

Skip that. Tell him you're relationship material and he can contact you if he decides that he wants a real relationship with you.

 

Head high.