I need outside advice

[worriedwoman]

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We were renting a house together where I paid all the bills and rent while he contributed nothing. I refused to pay the last months rent telling him he would have to which he failed to do forcing us to both move back in with our own parents. I am 8 months pregnant now and have been living separate for about 3 months now. Before I use to have him on my phone contract, would give him rides to and from work and financially help him but recently I have stopped all these things, trying to force him to grow up before our baby comes. He's now trying to slowly get me to go back to shelling out money, giving him rides and getting him a new phone on my contract but wants to contribute nothing. No gas money, doesn't pay me back, and doesn't help wit the phone bill. He also has bought our baby nothing even the small things I have asked him for help with, I also asked him to get his licenses before she's born and he hasn't even attempted to do so at all. He's 28 years old, we have been together for a while will he ever grow up? I just want appreciation and for him to be independant. I'm already a mom to his child, I don't want to play the role of his mom too. Am I wasting my time trying to wait on him to mature?

 

 

A few key points I left out - he makes about $5 more an hour than I do & works 40 hours a week when he doesn't call in bcus he's too lazy to go.

 

He has money for alcohol, parties, bars, concerts, new clothes/shoes for himself.

 

Has openly told me in the last year he doesn't want to miss out on his fun 20s just bcus he's a dad / in a relationship.

 

How do I re-approach the conversation with him without making him get defensive / or take it wrong?

[gebaird]

Nope, he's not gonna change. Your best option is to take a good look at yourself and ask why you stayed with this dipsh#t for so long. Cut the cord, focus on creating a good life for your ACTUAL child and let the 28-year-old man-child fend for himself.

[Lester]

"Am I wasting my time trying to wait on him to mature?"

- Yes.

 

Actually, more time. (3 years + the time you're wasting now.)

 

Don't expect anything good to happen.

 

He'll find another woman, and after the first hour say the magic words, 'I love you! Can I stay with you'.

She'll agree and will make the same mistakes you made.

 

To be the first in line, petition the court for support asap.

[SherrySher]

He sounds like a deadbeat. Do your best to plan on your own or with your family's support in getting ready for your baby, you can't count on him.

Focus on your childs wellbeing and forget this creep.

[greta96]

Don't have a conversation, just dump his lazy a$$, talk to a lawyer to have him pay child support and be done with him. If, when he grows up, he wants to be a part of the child's life, you can discuss then; for now, he is in no shape to be a father or a partner, and he needs to stay far away from you and the baby.

He has mooched off you long enough. He is the type that never changes, he will just sail from one woman to another and live off them in exchange for nothing. Unfortunately there are quite a lot of women out there who, for reasons beyond my understanding, are desperate enough to let this happen, and guys like him strive on this.

[ThatwasThen]

He's now trying to slowly get me to go back to shelling out money, giving him rides and getting him a new phone on my contract but wants to contribute nothing. No gas money, doesn't pay me back, and doesn't help wit the phone bill.

Why are you giving him all these things? You are a classic enabler and you are being selfish by giving him things because it gives him zero reason to change his shiftless ways.

 

Stop enabling him. Go to a lawyer before the baby is born and get support payments in place or you are going to end up a single mother whose baby has zero financial support from a useless father.

 

He's NEVER going to take responsibility as a father or husband as long as you make it so he doesn't have to. Get yourself and your baby set up for child support or you'll be without. Guaranteed.