He did not text me back after 6th date

[Loveablegirl]

Hi, i need male advice but I'll take any advice from everyone. Hi, i am Mira 42 yeras old divorced woman with 2 children age 13 and 10. I dated this guy, 58 years old for several times. Let say 6th times. I think Last date with him went great. He got injured, i went to see him at his house. Brough him dinner and his fave drinks. As I mention it went well that night. He had a doctor appointment the next morning. I had to leave early. He didn't invite me to go with him to see a doctor. I texted him and asked how did it go with the doc. He didn't respond until I texted him that I haven't heard from him all day. He texted me back he was busy, took a long time at the doc office and bla bla bla. We texted back and forward. Then I texted him again the next 2 days. No respond. I waited for 2 days. Texted him again and asked him how he has been doing and how was his day. No respond. What should I do, did I said something that make him upset? Does he really busy? We never text back and forward like couple does. He texted or I texted if we want to see each other. He never not asnwer my text although took him a long time to respond. This is odd and i really need help what to do?

[limichelle]

I would stop texting him. If he's interested he will contact you. For now lay low and let him come to you, it's his turn.

[j.man]

Are you sure you two want the same things? I know you're probably not looking for another father for your kids, but I'm assuming you're looking for someone who can at least keep up should you two move to cohabit before they become adults.

 

Not that the guy's old old, but he's definitely coming up on his golden years while you're theoretically young enough to play another round of house. Granted, there are only a privileged few among us on these forums who can relate to dating in their late 50s and I'm not one of them, but my guess is this guy has already been around the block once, possibly even more. He's probably going to be looking for a more light-hearted relationship where he's allowed to decompress after some less-than-fun news at the doctor's rather than having to keep someone he's newly dating up to speed. Now I'm not a mind reader, so far be it from me to claim this as fact, but it's probably best to play it a bit more safe and low-key.

[Loveablegirl]

Hi J man, thank you for your respond. Do you think I freak him out?

[kbbcoop77]

No you didn't freak him out..I'm 52 and already raised 2 kids to adulthood...I wouldn't get overly involved with someone who had a 13 and 10 year old at home..it's not you its him. He probably weighed the whole situation and decided he wasn't in for the long haul.

[thejigsup]

J man speaks the truth. I'm past 50 and I'm not looking to get married or parent chldren. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. At our age, we can fall in love, we just have a different end point in mind. Generally a good time and good sex. No more than that.

[reinventmyself]

I concur. I'm in my 50s and you start to think of life in terms of how can I simplify things and travel lightly.

You haven't ruled out dating or wanting a partner, but you desire one in a watered down, simplified sort of way.

I can assume his injury is a reality check for him. At 58 he realizes he's not at the same place as you. Especially in light of your kind efforts at caretaking.

Try not to take it personally.

Hold out for someone who is at the same place in life you are.

 

When I was in my 40s I dated a man who had a 2 yr old. He was the greatest guy.

My kids were driving teenagers and independent and while my best friend was having coctails on a boat with her new guy, I was with mine, pushing a stroller around the shopping mall.

 

I cried when I broke up with him.

[IAmFCA]

We are assuming the kids and stage of life are the cause of his inattentiveness. When my kids were babies and toddlers I dated a man well my senior and in his late 50s. He loved the fact that I was a turnkey family, that my kids were young.

 

There could be any number of reasons why he isn't texting back. The important thing is that you want more attention than he offers. So let him go.

[James516]

Personally, when I am done with dating someone who is nice, the first thing I do is distance, the distancing creates frustration which makes things easier to end. It's more difficult to straight up dump a nice person. Perfect to do? No. But it's effective. If she has irritated me on her own, then it's easy to say - bye.

 

In other words, as guys, we hate talks and drama. You've only been out with this guy 6 times and at some point after being injured, it occured to him that he does not want to go where this is going. Hence, the distancing. The reason why is not important because you always have to look at actions. And his actions are telling you that he does not want to be close. If you want a casual fling, he may stay on board from a distance. Otherwise, don't text any more and look towards moving on.

[IAmFCA]

Personally, when I am done with dating someone who is nice, the first thing I do is distance, the distancing creates frustration which makes things easier to end. It's more difficult to straight up dump a nice person. Perfect to do? No. But it's effective. If she has irritated me on her own, then it's easy to say - bye.

 

In other words, as guys, we hate talks and drama. You've only been out with this guy 6 times and at some point after being injured, it occured to him that he does not want to go where this is going. Hence, the distancing. The reason why is not important because you always have to look at actions. And his actions are telling you that he does not want to be close. If you want a casual fling, he may stay on board from a distance. Otherwise, don't text any more and look towards moving on.

 

"As guys we hate talks and drama"

 

Many men and many women alike don't like talks and drama. All anyone needs to do is say, "You are awesome. Even so, I don't feel that we are a match." Be direct. It eliminates the drama.

[Loveablegirl]

I knew this is going to happen. I broke up after first date with him cause his respond to me when he asked again for another date. Semmed he was busy and i am not up for mind games or dating games. He told me that he wanted to get to know me and bla bla bla. Here I am now fall for him. I don't understand why a guy didn't want to talk again after few times dating, like things never happend. What would I do if he wanted me back after his silent treatment?

[IAmFCA]

I knew this is going to happen. I broke up after first date with him cause his respond to me when he asked again for another date. Semmed he was busy and i am not up for mind games or dating games. He told me that he wanted to get to know me and bla bla bla. Here I am now fall for him. I don't understand why a guy didn't want to talk again after few times dating, like things never happend. What would I do if he wanted me back after his silent treatment?

 

 

It depends what you want. One approach is to be direct: "I want something steady and I feel that we are well matched. I would like to explore making something steady with you. Are you interested?" Expect him to say no. His behavior already tells you that.

 

Another approach is to react to his texting behavior by mirroring it. Which means you go silent too. If he pops up, reply IF you want to be in this on again/off again pattern. If you don't like the pattern, and you say you don't, then ACCEPT that this all he can offer and IGNORE.

 

You ask why: here is one potential reason. Sometimes, a person wants a relationship ONE DAY but not today. They find someone who they might like to have a relationship with, and they confirm that they are attractive to that person. Then, they move on. Because, it turns out, all they wanted is validation. When they need validation again, they reach out to you. You reward them with contact. Their needs are met, they go silent again and pursue whatever path they were pursuing. Often, they themselves don't realize their own pattern.

 

Whatever his reasons may have been, he is not offering you what you want. Its time to look elsewhere.

[reinventmyself]

I knew this is going to happen. I broke up after first date with him cause his respond to me when he asked again for another date. Semmed he was busy and i am not up for mind games or dating games. He told me that he wanted to get to know me and bla bla bla. Here I am now fall for him. I don't understand why a guy didn't want to talk again after few times dating, like things never happend. What would I do if he wanted me back after his silent treatment?

 

I know when you are mad and hurting it's easy to demonize him. But maybe when things settle down a little you might consider that maybe he really thought he was ready in the moment or at least really wanted to be, for both his and your sake.

Emotions are fickle sometimes.

Just be careful that you don't blame him for knowing better all along and setting you up for heartache.

He may have gone into it with the best of intentions.

[Sophi]

It's so difficult when texting is the main form of communication, it's so hard to infer things sometimes. At least with a phone call you can kind of sense when someone is distracted.

 

I've started dating someone with a very similar age gap (and am also in my 40's) and I know age difference has given him pause (no children involved, so it's just the age thing). It has given me pause as well, but I would hope if he changes his mind he'd say so and not give me the cold shoulder like you seem to have encountered.

 

It sounds like the best thing you can do is what IThinkICan mentioned above - let him know where you stand and ask him if he's interested. The outlook doesn't look good, but at least you'd know for sure and end the uncertainty you're clearly feeling now.

[reinventmyself]

I'm 58 and I've had 6 lifetime dates with 6 women all rejecting me after one date so I don't give a damn about your problem.

 

Whoa. . 58? Really?

I would have never guessed.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like a bit too much too soon after 6 dates even though you were trying to be nice he may have felt mothered/smothered. Don't text again unless you hear from him first.

He didn't invite me to go with him to see a doctor. I texted him and asked how did it go with the doc. He didn't respond until I texted him that I haven't heard from him all day. He texted me back he was busy, took a long time at the doc office and bla bla bla. We texted back and forward. Then I texted him again the next 2 days. No respond. I waited for 2 days. Texted him again and asked him how he has been doing and how was his day. No respond.

[SoulTaker]

Hi, i need male advice but I'll take any advice from everyone. Hi, i am Mira 42 yeras old divorced woman with 2 children age 13 and 10. I dated this guy, 58 years old for several times. Let say 6th times. I think Last date with him went great. He got injured, i went to see him at his house. Brough him dinner and his fave drinks. As I mention it went well that night. He had a doctor appointment the next morning. I had to leave early. He didn't invite me to go with him to see a doctor. I texted him and asked how did it go with the doc. He didn't respond until I texted him that I haven't heard from him all day. He texted me back he was busy, took a long time at the doc office and bla bla bla. We texted back and forward. Then I texted him again the next 2 days. No respond. I waited for 2 days. Texted him again and asked him how he has been doing and how was his day. No respond. What should I do, did I said something that make him upset? Does he really busy? We never text back and forward like couple does. He texted or I texted if we want to see each other. He never not asnwer my text although took him a long time to respond. This is odd and i really need help what to do?

 

For some reason, I got the feeling that his reaction might have had something to do with how you handled dealing with his injury. If I'm not in a relationship with you, I don't want, or need you to take care of me. I'll only tell you a general description of the injury (if it interferes with dating).

 

Somewhere during that time (post-injury), something went wrong. Maybe, he saw a part of you that alarmed him, or....... Who knows? The only thing you can do now is lay low, and see if he later responds. Forget about texting, use the phone. Don't get too much into his business. Let him dictate how much he wants to discuss anything relating to him.

[Loveablegirl]

Hi soultaker, i had a same feeling too. Actually he former NFL player and he still taking care his body and himself. His son also collage football, he's about 22. They were worked out together and he told me that he tried to compete with his son. I told him that he's not 20's anymore. Other things tho i asked him to help him out for his groceries and stuff. He respectfully turn me down. Again whatever the reason, he could communicate with me instead give me cold shoulder.

[Loveablegirl]

Sophie. I think for your case if no children involved. The change to get what you really wanted is possible.

[katrina1980]

Hi soultaker, i had a same feeling too. Actually he former NFL player and he still taking care his body and himself. His son also collage football, he's about 22. They were worked out together and he told me that he tried to compete with his son. I told him that he's not 20's anymore. Other things tho i asked him to help him out for his groceries and stuff. He respectfully turn me down. Again whatever the reason, he could communicate with me instead give me cold shoulder.

 

In short, you acted too much like a "girlfriend" before you were actually his girlfriend.

 

Doting on a guy the way you did (after his injury, helping with groceries) after only a few dates is a major turn off to guys. You may have reminded him of his mother instead of a woman he is attracted to.

 

It also screams "relationship" which after only a few dates was premature...and probably spooked him. Like whoa!

 

That's my guess anyway.