Abusive ex? Need help

[Police1997]

Okay. So me and this girl broke up around 5 weeks ago. Anyways. She was a freshman and I was a junior when we first got together. We dated for 1.5 years and did everything, sexually, went thru tons, mentally. But anyways, she has not gone a week without a boyfriend for the past 6 years. Before me, she had sex once. With the boyfriend she broke up with a week before she got with me. They dated for around 7 months and broke up a month after sex and she told me "didn't" want to have sex with him. Well we started dating and obviously had the honeymoon stage. Well, she told me she loved me like a week into our relationship and I didn't even know if I was ready for that yet at all. My friends and brother hooked us up and we actually talked for a week and then got together. Around one month I told her I loved her. And the first week we were dating, she talked to her ex over the phone a couple times and claimed it was just a goodbye phone call. Around 2 months of us being together, she started talking to her "best friend". Well the best friend lived next to her for the past how many years. They dated around 3 years ago but didn't last long. And they have always talked. And that guy has always had feelings for her but she claimed she didn't. Well they kept taking and hanging out in her back yard as friends. And I knew something was up so I asked her about it and she always kept saying they were just friends. Well one day, I lost trust and went thru their messages. Basically, he still liked her, and he even told her he wanted to have sex with her and that he made a huge mistake when they broke up. They both were crying and crap like that. So I got pissed and told her its me or him. Because I knew those two would keep talking and I couldn't trust them. So she basically"let" him go for a couple months. Well, around our 6th month of dating. She fessed up and told me she did like him. They haven't talked for a couple months so I was like whatever. Well a couple months later, they talked again and i quickly shut that up. Well a couple months later, he left for boot camp. Before boot camp, she hungout with him without telling me and said they said goodbye and gave eachother a hug. And then they were writing letters to eachother and I knew they still

Had feelings for eachother so I got mad. And we got into an argument. Well her mom and aunt came and talked to us. Her aunt recommended that instead of just them two writing letters, we both write letters to him. And we agreed on that. Well about two weeks later, I asked, "are we going to write him a letter" and she said "I already did. " so that became a huge argument. And then he got back like 2-3 weeks later. And right before he got back, she all of a sudden stopped caring, hungout with another guy all day at a fair and drove around town with him. And lied to me about it all, I had to find out from friends. And we broke up a few days later. Then about a week later he got back and they started dating. Wel that lasted about two days. And then a week after that, she tried getting back with me and said she loved me. I said no. Then about a week and a half layer, she started dating another guy and has been since. About two weeks now. Well anyways. Out entire relationship we argued a lot. She was always in my ear. She got mad when I hungout with friends. She got mad when I wouldn't skip family things or some things for her and just to cuddle with her. She always wanted to cuddle and crap and she was way to touchy in front of my family(but not hers). And whenever I told her to like, lay off a little; she got all mad. Well she was depressed. I didn't know if it was real or not. But like every argument we got into she said she wanted to die. She cut a few times before we got together. And a few times when we were together. And I don't think at all after we broke up. She stopped the cutting slowly. But she got over it around our 8th month. So obviously if it was real, I helped her with her depression. But she claimed she was still depressed and always wanted to die. I was there for her as much as possible, and I my self am not much help when it comes to counseling. So if she was "depressed", idk if it was real or not, I didn't help much and she didn't get better. Well I told her to get actual help and she denied it. So her form of other help was to talk about it with other guys? And usually her exes. So we always got into arguments about that. We argued about stupid crap and a lot of times it was because of her talking to her exes. Well, I never did that. I never talked to any girls. I was completely faithful and she couldn't trust me still she said. When I did absolutely nothing wrong to lose her trust. I definitely couldn't trust her at times. She would smoke weed a couple times, and I was highly against that. She was fine with it at the time, but then when she told me she cried? She always hung on me. In public and in front of my family. Not so much in front of hers. It was ALL the time too. And she never wanted to hangout around our families. So she was never really happy when she came over to my house. But when she was hanging all over me once, I just told her to relax and I got her arms off of me. She then went into my car, and hit me while we were arguing. So many times before this, she has spit in my face on purpose while we were arguing. She slapped and hit me a lot before. An this time she hit me, and I instantly hit back. Not hard at all as I somewhat caught myself. But she always pushed me around and got in my face and crap. I know this is not a healthy relationship that I had but like, it's hard for me to get over as she was my first love. We did have a lot of good times. But way more times of Arguing than good. We went to fairs, on family boats, dinners, movies, all that little stuff u could do in a small town. But we always argued and it got abusive. Especially her abusing me. She always put blame on me kind of and always told me most of the time it isn't her fault or when she did, she got depressed. She told me she wanyed me to kill herself like 2 times a week at least. I just need some opinions on this to help me get over her. She was my first for everything literally. We dated for a year and a half and broke up a month ago. Thank you

[dirkdaring]

First and foremost, she needs professional help. You can't help her with her depression, she needs medical attention, especially if she's cutting herself and talking about suicide. You can help by telling her she needs professional help, that's about it right now, because that's what she REALLY needs.

[gebaird]

Wow, I'm sorry you had to go through this. I agree with your assessment that she was abusive and really messed up. I know your heart hurts right now, but once you get through this I hope you'll see that breaking up was the best possible option, and the only one that will help you find peace in your life again.

 

Sometimes you invest everything in a relationship and it just doesn't work out. It's doubly hard that she's your first love, but trust me -- first does not always equal best.

 

Don't let this girl come back into your life and mess with you some more. Block her everywhere and stay far away from her. Take some time to heal and decompress, then get yourself back out there and find someone is capable of loving you better than this.

[Wiseman2]

She's a hot mess, it's an abusive relationship and one of you would be arrested for assault sooner or later. Be glad this is over, block her and go no contact. Read up on "signs of abusive relationships". This was all about getting addicted to the drama, not "first love" attachments.

An this time she hit me, and I instantly hit back.