Healing…. Need Support

[rubysmile]

Hi everyone,

 

I am new to this forum and I'm relieved that I have found a place where I can just write, receive support, and support others. I dated a guy for 6 months. Since the beginning, he expressed that he wasn't looking to just "mess around" as he is older and is looking for a serious relationship. We both had been out of relationships for about 6-7 months at that point and I told him I thought it was too early to think about that. He told me because he was over his past relationship, he saw no problem in building with someone else he saw a future with.

 

Each month that passed, he made a huge effort to make me happy and he really made me fall for him. 3 weeks before he broke things off, he was very into me and went out of his way to get me a beautiful birthday gift. After some events that he said made him overthink, he seemed less and less interested and finally ended things. He told me that he felt there was something "missing." It happened so suddenly that I was left so confused. The day after he ended things, I noticed his ex girlfriend (which he had no contact with while we were talking) liked one of his photos on Instagram (he wasn't even friends with her on IG). He liked several of her photos as well. I went crazy and called him a liar for not being honest with me about being over her and he of course made me seem crazy. Days after the breakup, I snooped on both of their IG accounts and saw that they were each liking each other's photo (literally every new photo each of them put up and old ones). This broke my heart.

 

I deleted my Instagram app so that I can heal. I ignored his birthday which was two days ago. I've been NC for 5 weeks now and this has been one hell of an emotional roller coaster. I still have to step out at work and cry. I want to be angry because he lied to me about being over her, but every time I think about it I just cry and feel bad for myself.

 

I would really appreciate the support.

[gebaird]

So sorry, ruby. Your initial instincts to not get into a relationship were right. He was totally not ready to move on and lulled you into a false sense of security. He was probably fooling himself as well. I'm so sorry you fell for him and now have to go through this pain. Stay strong on the no contact. As much as it hurts, it's the only way to heal.

 

Welcome to ENA.

 

Hugs.

[reinventmyself]

Welcome to ENA.

Don't be hard on yourself. You asked all the right questions and you were brave enough to take a risk.

Seeing both of you were 6 mos out, you trusted what he said.

It doesn't make you wrong but it does make him irresponsible.

[SherrySher]

Yes it does sound like he was not over her and it's not your fault. But it's best now if you find a way to move past this and him now for your own good.

I'm sorry he wasn't honest with you.

[rubysmile]

Thank you so much guys. The hardest part for me is accepting that he wasn't honest and he wasn't the person I thought he was. I know I couldn't have done anything differently, and he was irresponsible, he was a coward, a liar, and pretty much heartless for not telling me the truth when he ended things after I brought it up, knowing I would find out another way. It's tough when you have someone on a pedestal and you have to find every reason to take them off of it so that you can convince yourself you deserve better. It's also infuriating that he thinks he's a great guy, because a great guy wouldn't do this to anyone. A great guy wouldn't get involved with someone as seriously as he did with me until he selflessly and truthfully has decided to move on.

 

I know healing is a process, but it's so emotionally tiring. I feel every heartbreak I go through feels worse and worse because I lose hope for the future.