Online dating or real world dating?

[Brando442]

Whilst i'm not ready to start dating after a recent break up. A question has been on my mind lately on whats better, Majority of my relationships have started online then I met the girl in person and they've all ended obviously, The most recent being whom I thought was the love of my life but she chose to follow her dreams which is cool, Heartbreaking as hell but cool.

I'm quite shy and can't get past that anxiety part to just go up to a girl I find attractive or whatever and start a conversation the fear of rejection and or starting a conversation is what stops me. Like a girl could straight up stare at me, continuously look at me then look away, smile at me, give me a look. But my scared ass doesn't do anything other than sit there awkwardly missing out on what could be. Plus the fact in my head shes doing those things because i've got something on my face

 

What are your guys opinions on the two and how to get over the anxiety?

[annie24]

I consider them the same thing - both are real world dating. Online dating is just an introductory service to meet someone - from there, you should meet in person asap. The plus of online dating is that the women on there are (presumably) single and looking. The plus side to meeting in person from the get-go is that you may have a better sense of who they are as a person, and if there is chemistry there.

[IAmFCA]

Real world and on line are both essential skills. OLD is just an additional medium, a new way to make introductions. Dating on line, I suggest you go slower than in real life, because you know so much less about one another. Otherwise, its the same.

 

The anxiety stems from your desire for her approval. On some level, that is logical. Deep down, it isn't. You know yourself better than anyone, and it is your own approval that matters.

[Scoe141]

Exactly what Annie said. It's just an introduction, online serves as a tool, a means to meet someone.

 

That being said, I would go to places where you would want to find someone who shares similar interests. i.e. library, chess club etc. Don't like bars or clubs? Best not to venture out there to find your one and only.

 

As for the anxiety.. that's tough. We could all sit here and tell you until we're blue in the face to go out there and "just do it" or "what's the worst that will happen" etc. But unfortunately only you can work on that, (with the help of friends or counselors etc.) At the end of the day you have to walk through that door. We can only help lead you up to it.

 

So I will tell you from experience, that if an opportunity presents itself. Take it. Please.

 

I can't tell you how many times I wish I had spoke to a girl, or asked her out or had the courage to find a way to broach a subject that would be relevant.

 

If you were to ask me which I regret more, asking or not asking a girl out, I will tell you the latter. All day long.

 

Don't look back and say "only if..."

 

Best of luck friend.

[Matt3939]

I think OLD is easier cause you know they want to see you. I never had luck with friends or random places. Maybe I'm just oblivious but I've never witnessed a woman coming on to me. Everyone is anxious so are the woman you are meeting. Good luck

[bunzana]

I have done both, and have had good and bad outcomes in both situations. The plus to online dating for you is that you don't need to approach the girl face to face, and since you are anxious about talking to women perhaps online dating is the better option. I'm sure it's easier for you to talk to a woman online, and may allow you to open up more and show your personality. It's also much less intimidating, and being rejected IRL is a lot more difficult and embarrassing. I don't think there is much of a difference between meeting online and meeting at a bar. In both situations you know practically nothing about each other, although it is a bit easier to see if there is a chemistry in real life, but you will eventually figure that out anyways when you meet the person. My advice: stick to online dating, I think it is better suited to your personality type.

[gp11a]

Most of my relationships have been initiated through online (including 10yr ex-wife relationship). The only ones that initiated offline, it was always a woman coming to me, haha... I'm adjusting to getting more comfortable in real life, and online dating made it a lot easier because I'm talking to people who are obviously open to meeting new people. Skills learned there in getting to know new people and getting conversation topics down can easily help offline behavior, I believe.

 

I think offline, I just am myself, and will cue into if someone seems to be receptive to me just talking to them as a person or laughing at my jokes. Then I try to pick up on if it's just them being friendly and if I want to pursue, then I might ask them out. Just not used to that since I'm still newly single.

[catfeeder]

Online is not dating, it's fantasy. That's why most people skip the whole bonding thing by messages and texts. Use the apps to screen for people you want to 'quick meet,' then schedule a cup of coffee to meet for 15 or 20 minutes. Neither can ask the other for a 'real date on the spot, but if either wants to invite the other afterward, the other can respond if the answer is yes or just not respond if the answer is no.

 

That takes the whole squirmy rejection thing off the table, and you can keep scheduling quick meets until you stumble across someone you like.

[mfan]

They're both fundamentally ways to meet new people, so I think you should do both at the same time to increase the speed with which you get experience meeting new people.

[James516]

You said you aren't ready to start dating. Perfect. Now is the time to start practicing starting conversations with no intent to date. Find meetup groups, volunteering, whatever - anything where you will be around women and can get used to having conversations and not have an agenda. This will help you learn to develop an approach for talking and have more comfort with it.

 

You don't run a marathon by running 26 miles on race day, you have plenty of training runs before that. For some reason in the world of instant expectations, this concept seems lost on many attempting to date. Instead there is the belief that somehow everything should work out magically without improving technique.