bunzana Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 My bf and I have a really great sex life. He is exactly what I want in almost every way. The only thing is, he is not comfortable with oral sex. He has never done it, and is very open with me about the fact that he never intends to do it. I almost feel like he is grossed out by the thought of it. I've been ok with it thus far, but I feel like oral is a big part of sex, and the fact that he is so against it makes me feel like he is grossed out by a part of me. I don't think there is any chance that he will change his mind about it, and I don't want him to do it against his will. Has anyone else ever dated someone with this issue? How did you deal? I am afraid that this will become an issue in the future. Link to comment
WithLove Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 You won't get him to do it if he doesn't want to. All you can do is reinforce your love for him and how good he makes you feel; and hope that with time, he will open his mind to it. Otherwise, if you're not okay with the idea he may never do it, you may want to rethink the relationship and how much this act means to you. Link to comment
charity Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 I've been in this situation multiple times. It is annoying and disappointing and I totally understand that it feels almost like an insult. I have never felt it was a big enough issue though to cause stress though. Its just one thing. If the guy is great otherwise and the sex is good why stress. Nothing is ever perfect Link to comment
bunzana Posted September 13, 2016 Author Share Posted September 13, 2016 You are absolutely right Charity... everything else is perfect. Thanks for your advice Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 Is he inexperienced? Do you go down on him? How long have you been dating? What did he actually state his objection was? Don't take it personally because he has never done it not just with you. You may not be as sexually compatible as you think. He has never done it, and is very open with me about the fact that he never intends to do it. I am afraid that this will become an issue in the future.same guy? Link to comment
bunzana Posted September 13, 2016 Author Share Posted September 13, 2016 He's definitely not inexperienced. I haven't gone down on him mainly because he refuses to do it for me...althought i expect that at some point i will. We've been dating almost 6 months now. And his objection is that he feels like "lady parts" are less clean then men's, not in so many words, and that he just can't bring himself to do it. Link to comment
bunzana Posted September 13, 2016 Author Share Posted September 13, 2016 and yes. same guy. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 Is he "picky" in other ways?He's definitely not inexperienced. I haven't gone down on him mainly because he refuses to do it for me...althought i expect that at some point i will. We've been dating almost 6 months now. And his objection is that he feels like "lady parts" are less clean then men's, not in so many words, and that he just can't bring himself to do it. Link to comment
dirkdaring Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 Everyone's different. That was a deal-breaker for me with a girl one time. I like to give and receive, she was into neither. (It was never going to work out anyway, but I didn't think that at the time, and it did affect my decision.) You have to decide for you if that's a deal-breaker. If the good outweighs that act, than run with it. If it's very important to you and who you are sexually, you can't change him, and he can't change you, and you don't want to supplant your sexuality, that's not fair to you. Link to comment
bunzana Posted September 13, 2016 Author Share Posted September 13, 2016 Interesting question wiseman...he is very picky when it comes to food. Why do you ask? Link to comment
bunzana Posted September 13, 2016 Author Share Posted September 13, 2016 Everything else in our relationship is quite good, the rest of our sex life is great. it's just this one thing that kind of bothers me. But in the end, i think the good outweighs the act. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 Because he may be a bit immature and think things are "icky" and won't try them. Interesting question wiseman...he is very picky when it comes to food. Why do you ask? Link to comment
Hermes Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 Cultural or religious perhaps? You'd be amazed the hang-ups that are out there...... Link to comment
j.man Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 I don't go down on women. I don't like the taste(s) even when they're hygienic and the "texture" grosses me out. Only reason I ever have was due to pressure. At the same time, I don't expect a woman to go down on me. So I suppose I'm pretty similar to the ex described by another poster earlier in the thread. I'm glad the good outweighs the bad in this situation, but you are within your rights to leave him for someone who is more willing, should push come to shove. Sexual chemistry matters. ETA: I don't think it's necessarily immature of him to not want to go down on you, or to try new things altogether. I've never eaten dog **** but know well enough I don't ever want to. A bit hyperbolic, sure, but there are plenty of things you can understand the gist of and have no inkling to explore. Link to comment
bunzana Posted September 13, 2016 Author Share Posted September 13, 2016 wow i never drew the connection... now that you mention it, it makes a lot of sense. Although I don't know if it makes him immature. Maybe just afraid to try new things. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 I don't know if I could settle for this , to be honest that part is all I actually need a man for , so if he didn't like it , for me personally it would take a massive part of my sexual satisfaction away . It is probably THE greatest feeling and orgasm one can ever have ..in my book anyway . It is your call , is it worth losing a beautiful loving relationship over ? Only you can decide . He said he feels lady parts are less clean then a male ( he clearly hasn't had a pair of sweaty bollox in his face ) so how about suggesting you have a * bath night * ..lots of bubbles and candles and a bottle of wine in the bath together , both sensually washing and touching each other and take that to the bedroom straight away for him to at least experience it . Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 I don't go down on women. I don't like the taste(s) even when they're hygienic and the "texture" grosses me out. Only reason I ever have was due to pressure. At the same time, I don't expect a woman to go down on me. So I suppose I'm pretty similar to the ex described by another poster earlier in the thread. I'm glad the good outweighs the bad in this situation, but you are within your rights to leave him for someone who is more willing, should push come to shove. Sexual chemistry matters. I don't know why J but that surprised me , but at the same time it is very refreshing and enlightening to hear a man say why !!! This is a first for me ..and I adore you more Link to comment
Hermes Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 You mentioned elsewhere it is an inter-racial relationship. Do you think that may have something to do with the current situation? Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 You mentioned elsewhere it is an inter-racial relationship. Do you think that may have something to do with the current situation? oh now , I have known a couple of my friends experience certain cultures not doing it ..the end ..no discussion Link to comment
bunzana Posted September 13, 2016 Author Share Posted September 13, 2016 I have actually tried this, we take showers together occasionally, but at the end of it he shows no willingness to do the act. I don't want him to do it because I want it (even though I know at this point he wouldn't even do it for that reason), I want him to want to do it. But I am lucky that I get a great deal of sexual satisfaction just from intercourse, so I don't think it will be a deal breaker like it seems to be for you. Link to comment
bunzana Posted September 13, 2016 Author Share Posted September 13, 2016 possibly, he has told me that it is not really a normal act for his culture. But that's not to say that no one does. Link to comment
Hermes Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 Not possibly Bunzana. For sure! That was the first thing came to my mind when I read your OP. I am getting a kind of idea of what "culture" it is as well..... Anyhow, up to you to see how it goes. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 I have actually tried this, we take showers together occasionally, but at the end of it he shows no willingness to do the act. I don't want him to do it because I want it (even though I know at this point he wouldn't even do it for that reason), I want him to want to do it. But I am lucky that I get a great deal of sexual satisfaction just from intercourse, so I don't think it will be a deal breaker like it seems to be for you. I am pleased to hear that , you sound a bit more at peace with it . I agree , it would be no fun forced and in that situation I would rather go without then have it forced . Link to comment
bunzana Posted September 13, 2016 Author Share Posted September 13, 2016 Not possibly Bunzana. For sure! That was the first thing came to my mind when I read your OP. I am getting a kind of idea of what "culture" it is as well..... Anyhow, up to you to see how it goes. lol were you thinking jamaican? Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 lol were you thinking jamaican? I was , but everything is sooooooo PC now I kept me gob shut Link to comment
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