Does he want to be more than friends

[seano2510]

OK so about a month ago my partner broke up with me. For the record, it was a gay relationship but I have a universal problem. He told me that he thinks we're better off as friends because he doesn't have those feelings of love for me after 9 months together. He then went on to say he doesn't want me to cut him out of his life and they he can't imagine life without me. We have always got along so well and have had the best time together. I have so much respect and admiration for him as a person, friend ans partner. After breaking up I said I needed to distance myself from him for a while.

 

I attempted the no contact rule for a month. It was going well but after 3 weeks he reached out to see how I was doing and tother tell me that he missed me. I said I missed him too and we should catch up soon. (My sister says I walked right into his trap!) Low and behold we caught up over the weekend, we went for a drink but it became a big night out until 3 am. We didn't kiss and we went home separately but the whole time he was saying how much he missed me and how important it was to him and he was over the moon to hear from me.

 

Before we broke up, we went on a trip to Hawaii which was incredible. He brought this up and said we have to go again. And that he couldn't go with anyone else coz that was 'our thing' he also made plans to see guns and roses with me, watch a hockey game, help me move house and spend new years with me. Granted nothing was set in concrete and we were a little drunk but they are things you don't do with your ex even if you do want to be friends.

 

He's had a rough year with work and the death of a close friends dad (which triggered memories of his brothers death about 6 years ago) he became distant around the anniversary which was understandable but it got better when we went away. After comingredients home a whole lot of other stuff happened and he became distant again which eventually fizzled into the end of our relationship.

 

I may be looking through rose coloured glasses but it sounds to me that he's not quite ready to give me up. And I know everyone will say he's hanging on until he finds someone better - but I honestly don't think that's the case. He was visibly upset when we broke up and he said how much he struggled without me around.

 

I guess I'm looking for a third party perspective on this. Do you think there's a chance we could get back together? Should I say something or should I carry on like we are?

[gebaird]

Yes, I think there's a chance you could get back together -- but only if he wants it. And it's only going to work if he actually faces his issues.

 

When you're in that middle space between together and apart, it's hard to tell the difference between "I'm just having a hard time letting you go, because you're kind of a habit for me" and "I really think we should give this another try." Maybe he wants you in the friend zone, or to be "friends with benefits." It's hard to tell at this point, but it will become more clear in the coming weeks and months. I would carry on like you are and let him come to you. Don't be afraid to go back to no contact if you find that it's just too painful for you to be hanging out in the middle space. Limbo is not a place most of us want to be in for long.

[DancingFool]

If he truly wanted to be in a romantic relationship with you, he wouldn't have dumped you. I'm sorry but it really is that simple.

 

Add to it that despite all the talk and all the time you spent together after the break up, not once did he bring up the fact that he made a mistake ending things with you and would like to try again or get back together. So, your sis is right - you walked right into his trap where he can use you to get over you and it will hurt even worse when one day he mentions he is seeing someone else and all this time you've been having fun with him thinking it will lead to something.

 

Basically, when someone dumps you, there are consequences, namely that they lose the privilege of your company, friendship, and support. If they want all those parts back, they need to come back themselves in full and not just with cheap talk and vague promises of travel or whatever. Oh and him telling you about how he can only travel with you......sorry but what a bunch of brazen crock. The moment he meets someone else you will be out and you can rest assured his new mate will not tolerate you loitering around or you and him traveling to romantic destinations. It's his new mate who will be traveling, not you.

 

So, you don't want to hear it, but seriously, stop listening to his bs. What he is telling you is really quite manipulative, so go back to NC and tell him that the only way you want to hear from him again is if he wants the relationship back, otherwise you are healing and moving on and actually do just that for you own sake and sanity.