Behh

[1a1a]

I have a coffee date lined up with a nerd guy from ok cupid tomorrow. I couldn't be any less excited, by his face, by his conversation. But I believe I shouldn't dismiss meeting in person out of hand because I've had experiences in the past where meh people have turned out to be totally my type!! (I very doubt this will happen in this instance though), and because personality trumps appearance easily, and maybe he's not conveying the fullness of his online, and I've been lonely, and maybe he's lonely, and frustrated with not getting many chances because not model amounts of good looking, and not into attractive things (conventionally speaking), and maybe I won't want to date him, and I'll tell him as much before we part ways (because F*ck that ambiguity) but perhaps we will get along and we can be friend people.

 

But then maybe I'm just wasting his time.

 

And meanwhile, I feel infatuation creeping up on me with someone who's given no indication of being interested (or not interested, neither, dead neutral), who's way too young, and friends with my ex, and comes from the same town and what's the odds he lives with his parents and SOMEWHERE along the line I want to build a life with someone and goddamit I'm not going to cool my heals with another kid waiting for them to mature (unless they're totally into me and way to awesome to pass up). And I'm weirding myself with this one because he's not physically my type (although he does look good, but I have a suspicion that's the looking good of youth), and he kind of irritates me, yet attracts me at the same time *throws hands up in air*. Think I feel an arbitrary sense of kinship with him because we were both dumped around the same time. I've had a vague sense of wanting to connect with him since he first started posting lonely statuses on facebook (but didn't, cos young). We've been working together a bit lately though, it's further solidified the idea.

 

Starting to wonder if online dating is a total bust, because I am quite a weird person, and the only people I attract are perfectly nice, normal guys, who work 9 to 5, and just don't inspire me at all. And if the normal guys don't inspire me because their world is so far removed from my own. Now I think of it, in the last 10 years (my whole adult life) I have only dated people who don't fit in. Other sound techs, musicians, they just get it, the late hours, the different set of priorities. How the heck to other sound techs do it, find partners outside of that?

 

Just want to fall for someone who is also falling for me, this is the longest it hasn't happened of it's own accord, what if it never does?

[Vastaux]

A first "date" from online dateing is just a meet. You are not wasteing the first guys time by being willing to meet and see if there's any attraction in real life, the reason you have expressed is exactly why, he could totally be your type... But if not, it was just a coffee. Though if you have absolutely no incling of attraction from what you've seen by his photos or talking to him... Don't get your hopes up.

 

From reading your post maybe you need to stop worrying about what is and isn't your type? Maybe it isn't happening naturally because you are reading too much into every situation rather than just going with the flow?

 

Chill out, relax, it will happen when it happens.

[Wiseman2]

It's just coffee not a big investment to just check it out in person and see what's up.

[1a1a]

The great thing about coffee dates, there's coffee

 

Remembered another thing about dating (online dating especially) that's Massively Behhh, so I took everyone's stupid advice and messaged guys and all but two of them never replied (and the two that did, were as luke warm about me as I am about my nerd date tomorrow). So, Feh! And another thing, some of them never replied, but every now and then they visit my profile. I sent you a goddam message, WHY ARE YOU LURKING?

 

From reading your post maybe you need to stop worrying about what is and isn't your type? Maybe it isn't happening naturally because you are reading too much into every situation rather than just going with the flow?

 

Chill out, relax, it will happen when it happens.

 

Hmm, maybe. Realistically in the past, I've always ended up dating people who aren't physically my type, I feel like with all of them, the relationship happened because I did all the leg work in the beginning. But this time around of being single, I've been attracted to a good handful of people now and not one has reciprocated (or they start warm and go cold). Some I've done the leg work, some I'm just keeping my interest to myself and going really slow for now (partially for fear of further rejection and partially because I'd really like someone I'm keen on to want me enough to make it happen). It's real demoralising.

[Matt3939]

Give the guy a chance don't kill the date before it's even happened. You have to be somewhat attracted to his pics or why bother. I've always been told oh you look much better then your pictures. Maybe they were being nice who knows. Maybe he takes worse case sanario pics haha. Plus some might have what you consider boring jobs but might have othe hobbies that are interesting. Good luck

[1a1a]

Not attracted at all, but he wrote an endearingly personalised opening message. And my kind of vague guideline for myself has been engage with people who've actually read my profile, don't bother with people who just say "hey".

 

The why bother is, he had the courage to ask.

 

(I like your positive tone )

[limichelle]

To be honest when my boyfriend first messaged me I looked at his profile picture and thought he is handsome but very different from my type! He was dressed as a cowboy and has horses and into country music and movies. Very different from being with somebody for a good ten years that was a musician, dressed alternative and listened to rock.

 

I gave the guy a chance and after talking to him everyday for nine months and meeting up twice. It turns out he can't be more my type! He and I have loads in common and I'm head over heels.

 

Maybe this guy you are meeting will pleasantly surprise you. Or maybe he will be dull and nerdy. You'll never know unless you go on the date.

 

If he is dull and nerdy, plenty of more coffee dates are out there for you with other guys.

 

Good luck, have fun and keep us posted!

 

Lisa

[Matt3939]

It's hard to get a feeling for somone with OLD till you meet them. Courage is easy with OLD. It might be hard if you truly find somone unattractive. I'm not picky I try to look at somone as what if I'm with this person in 20 years. There does have to be something there though (if im looking for a romantic relationship) it can definitely grow over time.

[lostandhurt]

The thing is this guy is probably very interested in you and has hopes of something coming out of this while you are going because you have no other options at the moment. Kind sucks for him really.

 

If you cannot keep and open mind about him and are already feeling like you don't want to meet him then you will come across very badly when you meet. I had a first meet with 2 different women a few years ago that were my type, gorgeous and smart but I wasn't feeling it. I sat on my couch before it was time to leave to meet them hoping they would reject me because for some reason unknown to me at the time it didn't feel right deep down. I went, met them and was probably more selective and critical of them than I think I should have been. It wasn't them, it was me that was the problem.

 

What I am saying is if you aren't willing to really see this as an opportunity to meet a great guy then do him a favor and cancel.

 

Lost

[1a1a]

He couldn't possibly be interested in Me he doesn't know me. The idea of me maybe.

 

Lisa, I like your tale

 

an opportunity to meet a great guy

 

I do like the idea that everyone is great to someone.

[janut1]

I agree that it is just a first meet to see if you have anything in common. Its not for the rest of your life. Take one date at a time, you may find you like him and want to see him again. Or you may not. But that is what OLD is about. You go on lots of dates to see who you click with. Its not too complicated.

 

My best friend messages guys all the time on POF and she hardly gets any responses. That again is just the way OLD works. It only takes one person, so you have to keep playing the game until you meet someone you click with. I have not done much messaging myself, but I see how just looking at someones profile can inspire someone to message you. Its all crazy stuff. OLD is not for everyone, but its the way I meet people.

 

The other thing I have done is meet men I would consider meh because I go more by personality then looks at this point in my life. I met one guy I was just okay about and ended up dating him for 19 months. He was so much fun and warm and loving that I fell for him even though I wasn't attracted to him at first, he became attractive to me. We broke up because I found out he was a liar, but that had nothing to do with his looks at that time.

 

So give this guy a chance. Just go in with a open heart and mind and see what happens. Let us know how it goes!

[tattoobunnie]

Dating is not a charity.

 

If you've spoken on the phone with him several times, and there's ZERO rapport, say "NO!"

 

Sorry, being able to talk and enjoy it to someone is priority one.

[Wiseman2]

Don't date vanilla of you want you want Rocky Road Crunch

Starting to wonder if online dating is a total bust, because I am quite a weird person, and the only people I attract are perfectly nice, normal guys, who work 9 to 5, and just don't inspire me at all. And if the normal guys don't inspire me because their world is so far removed from my own.

]

[j.man]

Kinda sucks for the guy if he is looking forward to it big time, but we all gotta learn to cool expectations at one point or another, so I can't say I feel sorry for him or that you should feel like you've got a duty to spare him from a potentially lackluster first date.

 

I say go for it. Where I start having issues is when women agree to a second date while feeling wishy washy about it, particularly if they expect the guy to invest more than just his time into the date. I know everyone's got their "first date sucked but second date rocked" anecdote, but by and large, it just doesn't sit right with me. I've never asked a woman out a second time who I wasn't enthusiastic about seeing again and I'd hope one wouldn't accept if she weren't.

[reinventmyself]

Just go. It's not a marriage proposal, it's just a cup of coffee.

I have met some really interesting and nice men that I didn't feel attracted to. But I am glad I made the effort to meet them.

I have even stayed friends with a couple them.

 

Meeting people enriches your life, period. Besides, with each one you meet you fine tune your aim for what you do and do not want.

(then there are the ones you need to block, but that's another story)

 

Unless you have a definite negative feeling about, then don't go. If you are feeling 50/50 about them, take the chance. It's just an hour of your time.

It's often those times I have been pleasantly surprised.

[journeynow]

I'm in the "give it a go" camp. It's coffee, a meet, a mini-adventure of a sort. I'd try to wipe the slate clean in order to go in open minded, including what this is all about. You might end up being dating material, or you might not. Could turn out to be another reason to have met, you might learn something unexpected, you might later down the road become work connections, or play matchmaker to someone who is a good fit for them… You're getting out in the world, and who knows what serendipitous good thing might come of it? (Someone else may see you across the room, you catch his eye. Nothing happens then, but over time your paths cross, he keeps noticing you, and you are not with anyone steady, he builds up his nerve…so someday, surprise, he might be the one you date!)

[1a1a]

Don't date vanilla of you want you want Rocky Road Crunch

 

Oh wiseman, no body sells it heeeeere

 

And now I want icecream!

[1a1a]

Well, that went ok. He Is more attractive in person but I think I'm learning the gentle garden variety nerds don't really do it for me (I always thought I like nerds because everyone I've dated has been nerdy, but also musical, perhaps I need that experiential overlap).

 

Used my words at the end to say I wasn't feeling any spark but I'd be totally happy to hang as friends and if he cares to go beach walking with me again I'm in.

[Wiseman2]

Oh well, good you tried and it was just coffee.

Well, that went ok. He Is more attractive in person

Used my words at the end to say I wasn't feeling any spark but I'd be totally happy to hang as friends and if he cares to go beach walking with me again I'm in.

 

I'm learning the gentle garden variety nerds don't really do it for me

 

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