"You should feel complimented I want to have sex with you"

[fabact]

Hi, question - which is not intended as an 'us vs them' question. I just want to understand the logic.

 

what does it mean when a guy you've been dating (and have slept with) is always trying to get you in bed and is very touchy feely and kissing all the time and if you say in a non-confrontational way, something like ' you just want to have sex with me' and he replies 'I'm attracted to you. You should feel complimented I want to have sex with you'.

 

I don't know, to me that's a turn off. Yes I'm flattered, but is that how you're going to convince me to get in the mood?

[Ms Darcy]

That statement is out of context. I can see how it can be a compliment, insult, or a joke depending on circumstances.

[IAmFCA]

The content is right, in a way - we want to be desirable to our boyfriends.

 

What he said as you described IS a total turn off, because it is manipulative. He is dismissing your objection, and telling you - as if you need him to - how you "should" feel. It's gross. If I were you, I'd dump this guy altogether.

 

We can parse this further if you want. I mean, think about it. Let's accept his premise that you should feel complimented. Stop there, "Thank you for wanting to have physical pleasure with me, as I presume that means you find me attractive. Thank you for that compliment." End of being complimented. One might go on to say, "In light of that, it is even more important that I am clear so please forgive me my harsh words. While I find you attractive and possessing many qualities that might advance your case, it remains that I do not want to have sex with you." One might add, "I expect you and thank you for respecting my position" which this fellow does not.

 

Dump him.

[Rising100]

I can actually see myself saying that to some women. Who? Well when a woman doubts why Im with her.

Maybe she feels she is not good enough, she is not attractive physically, I am too good for her. If I am with you, is because I like you, I am attracted to you, understand this and stop doubting me. If I didnt like you, I wouldnt even be here in the first place.

Thats what I got and how I relate to this if I said it.

 

He might have said it for some other reasons.

Tell him how you felt, be honest. You are flattered but its a turn off. Thats all.

[Andrina]

He's being honest and those are his views on things. He can't read your mind. If there is something else you need to get in the mood, you need to communicate this. If he doesn't try to get to know you, besides your body, maybe that is what's bothering you. Does he ask about your dreams and goals? Does he take interest in what's going on in your life at the moment? Does he engage in activities with you that don't involve sex? Those are things to consider when deciding if this is the right man for you or not.

[IAmFCA]

I can actually see myself saying that to some women. Who? Well when a woman doubts why Im with her.

Maybe she feels she is not good enough, she is not attractive physically, I am too good for her. If I am with you, is because I like you, I am attracted to you, understand this and stop doubting me. If I didnt like you, I wouldnt even be here in the first place.

Thats what I got and how I relate to this if I said it.

 

He might have said it for some other reasons.

Tell him how you felt, be honest. You are flattered but its a turn off. Thats all.

 

 

 

No matter how much you like me, it may not translate into me liking you the same way. And, if I did like you the same way, it doesn't mean I want to have sex with you.

 

The line of thinking is an attempt to overcome her objection to sex, not by asking an open ended and thoughtful question, but by presuming you know the reason and can fix it.

 

It's pressure, whether intentional or not. You might get sex, sure, but only because she chose to follow your lead instead of her own.

[indea08]

You should feel complimented because I want to have sex with you!? WHAT THE F**K!? I would've answered with "You should feel complimented that I've spent my evening with you."

 

Telling a woman "I want to have sex with you" is NOT a compliment. These are compliments:

 

-you look amazing tonight.

-you smell wonderful.

-I love having conversations with you.

-you're so smart and down to earth.

 

We are not honored that your penis gets hard for us. My God. I might've slapped him.

[melancholy123]

I think he's just really horny and hopes his comments will make you want to jump into bed with him. I'd show him the door.

[SherrySher]

lol..sorry but I don't know if the man meant something nice but he sure said the wrong thing..the way he worded it he made it sound as though you're a leper and should be kissing his feet for even looking your way

besides, when is someone wanting to have sex with you a compliment?? there's some old dirt bag that makes hand gestures near his crotch when I walk past him in the mall...should I feel glorified?

I would much rather a man make me feel special and can see the good in me and genuinely appreciate those things about me and so on...then to think a hard on means something "special"

[TMifune]

Yes I'm flattered, but is that how you're going to convince me to get in the mood?

 

I don't know how long you've been going out, but if you're early stages, then the statement seems really off to me. I don't think it bodes well if he has to jump through hoops to "convince" you to get in the mood.

[j.man]

I don't know how long you've been going out, but if you're early stages, then the statement seems really off to me. I don't think it bodes well if he has to jump through hoops to "convince" you to get in the mood.

I'm gonna have to echo this. It's a bit troubling that it sounds like this...

 

'you just want to have sex with me' when in conjunction with your thought of "is that how you're going to convince me to get in the mood?"

 

... isn't a sincere segue into a conversation of what each of you is after, but rather some dramatic way of getting him to shower you with words about his visions of a future with you or whatever else you think it takes to get you all hot and bothered. It doesn't sound like it's this specific answer he gave you that upsets you, but rather he didn't give you the cliche teen romance answer you were hoping for.

 

Leave the politics out of the bedroom. This ain't a movie scene. It won't play out like that. If you're not in the mood, just decline and save the serious topics for when one of you isn't trying to shove their hand down the other's pants.

 

If you really do think he's just in it for the sex and you're not, then just leave him.

[pippy longstocking]

Oh I don't know ...I think it is ok ... I wouldn't have taken it as anything other than what it is .

[pippy longstocking]

I think some things just get too thought out ....people need to have a marley , sit back , enjoy your sex and talk to the fairies ....all is good then.

[journeynow]

I'm wondering, is it not confrontational to make a "you just" statement? As in " You just want to have sex with me". You don't absolutely know that, do you? You might feel that way, interpret it that way, or find out from him or further observation if that is true, but making it a statement sounds confrontational to me.

[itsallgrand]

To me, if you are feeling that all he wants of you is sex, then you have a decision to make about if want to keep seeing him.

 

That you would say to him at all ' you just want sex' is like a death bell on your interest in him. It's a pretty harsh thing to say. There are no words to say to that which will tell you one way or another if it's true. It's something you have decide for yourself.

 

Arguing about sex already and still just dating.., not a good sign.