To Tell or Not?

[graceedee]

I met this guy online. Despite all the cultural differences (he's conservative Chinese), conversations were so easy. Too easy that since we've met over 2 months ago, we've been chatting non stop-- and I mean not a day missed, and almost every minute. However, we've only went out twice, and it was almost playful, I'm not even sure if he considers them dates.

He's been sweet and thoughtful and flirty towards me before, but often he masked it with jokes afterwards that I'm not so sure anymore whether he was flirting or just being playful. Now, it's almost 3 months, I think our differences are more pronounced. I like him still.. Very much actually.

But I'm not sure if he ran out of things to say to me or just started becoming too comfortable, but it's starting to feel like he's not taking any initiative anymore. He continues to talk to me everyday sure, albeit not as easily as before. I think we're really good friends if I'll just look at friendship standards. I want to tell him how I feel though cos I want to keep moving forward and try it out with him, but I'm just afraid I'll end up getting friendzoned and ruining a good friendship. I dont know what to do. Help?

[Andrina]

You're afraid to bring it up because you already know the answer. He's just not that into you. Male/female close friendships are common when young people are single. They aren't meant to last, since one will eventually get a partner, and then the friend gets put on the back burner or the friendship totally ends. When you get a bf in the future, he won't appreciate you communicating with a guy you had a crush on. Know that a friendship can't last anyway.

 

It's okay to ask for what you want if a guy is painfully shy or clueless. If he doesn't want the same thing, you have your answer. In this case, I wouldn't even bother. He doesn't seem to be either. If he was crazy about you he'd want to get together several time a week. Move on.

[gebaird]

... I'm just afraid I'll end up getting friendzoned and ruining a good friendship. I dont know what to do. Help?

 

It sounds to me like you want something more than friendship with this guy. It also sounds like the friendship is fading a bit. Perhaps the possibility of romance could help you both move the relationship to the next level. He may reject you if you tell him your feelings, but the alternative (watching him slowly fade away) doesn't seem all that great, either.

 

Gather your courage and speak your truth. If you ask, he may tell you he isn't interested in a romantic relationship with you. But what if he is?

 

Love always involves risk. We put up walls to protect our hearts, but those same walls sometimes cause us to miss opportunities for joy. It is better to put ourselves out there and risk getting hurt than to remain on the sidelines, always wondering about the life we might have had if we had chosen to actually live it. Rather than hide behind walls of doubt and fear, learn to process the negative emotions and recognize that the human heart is resilient. If you are rejected, it doesn't mean you aren't worthy or wanted. It just means that this guy isn't interested, and with that knowledge you are now free to look for someone else who can give you everything you want.

 

Tell him how you feel.