How can I not be sad about being 21 and never having a boyfriend before?

[mizzbello]

How can I get over these sad and negative feelings I have towards my non existent love life? I cannot find a guy who wants to date me and I don't really want to do online dating. I am a shy girl and I don't drink (hence, I don't go to nightclubs/bars/parties). Every once in a while, I will catch a guy staring but he never approaches me even when I try to stare back at him. Additionally, every time I try to put myself out there, nothing happens or guys just ignore me like they are not interested or they are interested in another girl. At this rate, I feel like will be forever alone as a loveless girl and I will never find a guy who will like me or want to date me.

 

I am only human-I want to go on dates and find someone to love and someone to love me back. I take care of myself and am a slim girl (5'6 and weigh 125 pounds). I don't know if this is part of the reason, but people say I have a babyface/I look younger than my age/I have an innocent look. Sometimes random old/homeless men will call me beautiful/say I have a pretty face or sometimes other women might call me pretty. But I feel like it is impossible for me to get dates without online dating. I don't understand why? Why can't I get dates without online dating?

[alldaisies]

Love will be there for you one day when you are not looking. Do not be sad for not having a boyfriend already. What do you like to do? Maybe you are not a party girl, you do not like going out to bars and nightclubs and things like that but you like for example sports and you can go and watch a game or you can go to the theater and meet people that is compatible with the things you like. Are you in college?

[mizzbello]

Yes, I am in college. I go to one of the biggest universities in the state I live in.

[alldaisies]

I believe college is one of the best places for you to find people that is compatible with you, but for that you will have to balance study and entertainment activities. You have to meet people, and one day you will be surprised and go out to a date.

[Rising100]

You dont have to drink, go to bars and clubs to find someone. Actually thats not the place to find love either, only drunks and one night stands, free stds too.

You are studying and maybe you havent come across the right men, life is like that. Love usually finds you, not the other way around. I would suggest hanging out with friends more often, if you have some. And focus on the things you enjoy, maybe you can find a man who is into them as well.

[j.man]

Have you tried approaching men?

[Ms Darcy]

How can I get over these sad and negative feelings I have towards my non existent love life? I cannot find a guy who wants to date me and I don't really want to do online dating. I am a shy girl and I don't drink (hence, I don't go to nightclubs/bars/parties). Every once in a while, I will catch a guy staring but he never approaches me even when I try to stare back at him. Additionally, every time I try to put myself out there, nothing happens or guys just ignore me like they are not interested or they are interested in another girl.

 

It sounds like you sort of passively send out a signal or two and expect the guy to do the heavy lifting. Shy or not, fortune favors the bold. Women can ask men out too. It's the 21st century.

[gp11a]

But I feel like it is impossible for me to get dates without online dating. I don't understand why? Why can't I get dates without online dating?

 

Are you involved in any clubs or other activities? Nothing wrong with online dating, but have you looked at Meet Up groups or something similar, social groups? Drinking isn't always involved. No boyfriend yet and you're 21, no big deal, you will have a love life with the time is right (I know that sounds so cliche).

 

The problem with being shy is sometimes people assume things, may assume who you are, or even think you are unapproachable (like they think you want to be left alone). You sound just fine - you just need to figure out what works for you and college is a great time to figure this out.

[himynameisslim]

ya know some of you people responding with, "love will find you" need to stop watching cheesy romantic comedies. this isn't to say that mr. right might land in her lap but she needs concrete advice not just hope that one day it will happen b/c sometimes things don't always turn out that way.

 

college is one of the greatest ways to meet people so you need to take advantage. you think it's hard now, wait till you finish college and go to work, then home. your social circle may decrease dramatically.

 

try going out more in general and find some hobbies and that is where you'll find other men with similar interests. smile, be social and if a guy has any game or clue on your signals, he'll ask you out.

[mizzbello]

ya know some of you people responding with, "love will find you" need to stop watching cheesy romantic comedies. this isn't to say that mr. right might land in her lap but she needs concrete advice not just hope that one day it will happen b/c sometimes things don't always turn out that way.

 

college is one of the greatest ways to meet people so you need to take advantage. you think it's hard now, wait till you finish college and go to work, then home. your social circle may decrease dramatically.

 

try going out more in general and find some hobbies and that is where you'll find other men with similar interests. smile, be social and if a guy has any game or clue on your signals, he'll ask you out.

 

Yea, but guys NEVER ask me out. Even though I like the old fashion way of courting (when a guy asks out a girl), it looks like I have to be the one to ask out a guy or approach him (I usually never do this though) because guys just don't flock to me. It looks like I may have to socialize some more because I stopped due to being heavily involved in my academics.

[Ms Darcy]

Yes. You may have to make an effort. Poor you.

 

You can do it!

[journeynow]

Every once in a while, I will catch a guy staring but he never approaches me even when I try to stare back at him.

 

Just a suggestion: instead of staring back, how about flashing a sincere smile? A stare doesn't exactly signal that you are approachable. Make it a practice to smile at people. Practice some non-shy behavior. I used to be quite shy, but have changed as I've befriended outgoing people. I've enjoyed their interest in other people and how they reach out to them, and have learned to change to focus from myself to a curiosity about others, and assuming a connection of some sort is possible.

[Rising100]

I dont think anyone here should be judging her for not approaching guys.

Men are supposed to approach women, even saying hi without any interest is not that bad. Maybe she is not the type to go up to guys and maybe she doesnt feel comfortable doing so, its FINE.

[himynameisslim]

I dont think anyone here should be judging her for not approaching guys.

Men are supposed to approach women, even saying hi without any interest is not that bad. Maybe she is not the type to go up to guys and maybe she doesnt feel comfortable doing so, its FINE.

 

And what has that accomplished standing around? I'm not saying she should go jump on every random guy but there comes a point where she may to let her intentions be known, a little more, whether it be smiling more, a small touch here and there, doing some flirting. that would help.

[Ms Darcy]

I dont think anyone here should be judging her for not approaching guys.

Men are supposed to approach women, even saying hi without any interest is not that bad. Maybe she is not the type to go up to guys and maybe she doesnt feel comfortable doing so, its FINE.

 

Let's just say your premise is a truth we can agree on. There is still a lot a woman can do to show interest ... As has been noted.

[amine boudhraa]

How can I get over these sad and negative feelings I have towards my non existent love life? I cannot find a guy who wants to date me and I don't really want to do online dating. I am a shy girl and I don't drink (hence, I don't go to nightclubs/bars/parties). Every once in a while, I will catch a guy staring but he never approaches me even when I try to stare back at him. Additionally, every time I try to put myself out there, nothing happens or guys just ignore me like they are not interested or they are interested in another girl. At this rate, I feel like will be forever alone as a loveless girl and I will never find a guy who will like me or want to date me.

 

I am only human-I want to go on dates and find someone to love and someone to love me back. I take care of myself and am a slim girl (5'6 and weigh 125 pounds). I don't know if this is part of the reason, but people say I have a babyface/I look younger than my age/I have an innocent look. Sometimes random old/homeless men will call me beautiful/say I have a pretty face or sometimes other women might call me pretty. But I feel like it is impossible for me to get dates without online dating. I don't understand why? Why can't I get dates without online dating?

na dont worry about it trust me you will find a nice guy that will be perfect for you just a little time i personlly dont think apperance has a great role in love eigther way you are still young and you will find a boyfriend

[SoulTaker]

But I feel like it is impossible for me to get dates without online dating. I don't understand why? Why can't I get dates without online dating?

 

And what is wrong about online dating? It looks to be a good option for a person who is an introvert, and doesn't go out much. Just choose the right site for what you're looking for.

 

Also, don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe there was a reason why it was best for you to start dating at this time. Many of those girls who dated at an earlier age, ended up with terrible experiences that still haunt them to this day. Maybe, you're now mentally ready to start dating.

[Hermes]

MizzBello.

 

"Why can't I get dates without online dating?"

 

Answer: because now a goodly percentage of the world's population live in an unreal galaxy called cyberspace. That's why. Don't let it worry you too much.

[kara025]

I think guys at your age are probably also shy and/or inexperienced to a certain degree and therefore online dating for them is a lot less risky. You can chat up a girl without facing "real" rejection. And right off the bat you have a lot of info at your finger tips (relationship status, age, location, interests, etc).

 

If online dating is not your thing, then try out different activity clubs (you're so lucky that theres so many at your disposal in college, take advantage to learn something fun and new!), study groups, volunteer events, sport games, etc and try to meet guys more organically. Don't worry about it too much; you'll meet someone when you do and because its fun and feels good. And to be honest, dating guys in college isn't the funnest. Everyone is out there trying to find their own way in life, which changes a lot and isn't necessarily conducive to finding a mate. So don't feel like you're missing out on anything!

[kara025]

By the way, I'm in my 30s and I still don't know how to flirt! I like to get a bunch of girls together for girls' night and we go out to practice flirting (even my married friends want to come!). Its so much fun and we learn what works for each of us. We don't always drink and will sometimes just partake in happy hour food. But I've learned that staring at guys isn't enough, you have to give guys a signal that it is safe for them to approach...a warm smile, several shy glances in his direction, a wink, etc.

 

Just don't go in with any set outcome (ie, "I want a date or boyfriend"). Try to do it in small doses and have mini goals for each outing (ie, make eye contact with 2 guys in the first outing and then next time, smile at 3 guys). Have fun and make "mistakes"!