What happnd

[sk8ter81234]

i met this boy wen i was 9, he was 6, we were best friends in grade school. wen i first talked to him, its kinda funny his first words to me were "i like you". but at that time, i didnt think i could ever see him that way. a lil ways down the line, i was 14, he 12, thats wen i realized when i liked him. i rode all the way up to his house on the hottest day of the summer. went up and asked him out, we dated for about 2 and 1/2 months, then he said he didnt want to be with me anymore. it tore me apart, thats wen i realized that i truly loved him. and i told myself no, i cant do that to myself, i deserve better. i haved loved him ever since. just about 4 years ago, i was scared id never love again, and i wasnt sure if i loved him anymore, (but honestly i knew i was lying to myself), i went to a friends, saw him there. i was unexplainedlly drawn to him and overjoyed. i ran to him, asked him how he was, caught up with him, asked him out again. then i finally felt better, i felt the w8 of the world finally fall off of my shoulders. i felt soooo alive, but because my doughts got in the way, i let him go again. i had felt sooooo ahamed, after suffering for sooo long, honestly how could i just let this happen again, (it only lasted about a week that time). i had reopend the scarz, it hurt soo bad, did i just want more pain, but then a couple months later, july 1st, 2012. i finally saw him again, he begged me to take him back, me being weak as always i said yes, i mean i really love this dude, so how could i say no, everything was way more than even in my wildest dreams, he told me all the time how we where ment to be, i was the only 1 for him. he cherished me, treated me like an angel, he was soo attentive, we talkd 24/7 nonstop, he told me how he regretted ever leaving me, that all he wants to do is, make me happy, he wanted children, a wife, a house, and even 2 great danes. he meant everything to me, i was sooo eccstatic around him, i had never felt soo alive, and he said as much as well. we had been together a lil over 4 years, everything was perfect, then in the last couple of months in our relationship, he told me that the spark was fading, and the connection was lost, and wasnt soo sure of us anymore, and that our passion was gone too, (ik that we hadnt done it in a while but, still i believe we coudv workd on this a lil more) bc i still love and want him. he still is everything. in the last couple days of our relationship, he told me, " its just not there anymore, im sorry but i just dont think i lvoe you anymore" and also things like, "i do you you, but i just want you to be happy". what went rong and is there a way to fix it, i cant get away from my heart anymore, it wants him i no i should be strong and no matter what he says i should just let him go and tell him no, he told me to give him three months of nc, but i no i dont wanna w8 around for him, i deserve better, i want to heart to stop ripping open for him, but not to count on it bc he says he dosnt care anymore but i no hes lying, bc i still can see it in his eyes. eccpescially wen he was explaining this to me bc of the tears in them, i no he doesnt deserve for me to take him back, i owe it to myself to just stop talking all together but i have reaized over the years that i cant anymore, iv come to peace with that but, im soo scared hes going to say "ok, im sorry, just 1 more chance, 1 more go". and i wont be able to refuse him, bc the heart wants what if wants. it wants him, i cant say no, i love him entirely soo much, mayb too much, but i dont care, i love him. but then, what happns if he says no, i will b forced to cut off the communication completely ill have absolutly no choice but i would be fine whith that. i will never get over him, iv tried absolutely everything, theres no options left, he is my last hope, bc i truely believe he is the one. what should i do to get him back. plzzzz plzzz help me. what should i do, im at my witz end. plzzz plzzz plzz someone tell me how to get him back.

[Wiseman2]

Sounds like puppy love. He was too young for all this.

[sk8ter81234]

but i gave him everything, i even took him to go see my bio dad, and me and my bio dad are not close. so it really hard for me, bc of that and the fact that i didnt feel like any1else was really worth it. i still love him tho. and im soo scared that wen he comes back im not going to be able to say no, but the thing that scares me the most is not even the fact that hes acting like nothing even happnd between us, its the fact that im so afaid that if i take him back again that this bs is going to happn again, but i no that i cant say no, i am 23 now, he 20. i know that this is not puppy love, i have felt it b4. ik the difference. plzzz plzz tell me what i should do to win him back, we work at the same building, so i basically have to see him everyday. but idk if thats a good idea it might just make it all worse, please help me, what should i do, i just feel that wen he left, he took all of my soul, heart, and joy along with him, including my reason for living plzz help me