Broke up with boyfriend, feeling really guily

[nessie102]

Hi, so I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago after deciding (over a very long time) I just couldn't find happiness in our or any relationship at this point in my life. Since breaking up, I have had a huge pressure lifted off of me and I don't feel very sad because I went through the grieving process whilst deciding to end it. Anyway, I'm hearing from people about how he's not coping well, and I can even tell. I'm really struggling with dealing with this. Knowing I'm the reason he's upset- that I have caused a great pain to someone who was my best friend for so long. I really don't know what to do. I just wanted him and I to find happiness, because our relationship had become unhealthy on both our ends. Anybody know what to do? How to deal with this? I feel so guilty... But I still don't regret ending it, because I needed to listen to what my heart had been telling me for almost a year.

[Ms Darcy]

Just don't try to be his friend and comfort him. He really needs to be able to move on on his own.

[PICCOLLO]

You didnt want to be with him anymore. Thats your choice. Leave him be, he will manage on his own. He's grieving, which is hard, but its no longer your role to be there for him. In fact, it will only make things worse.

[Wiseman2]

You dealt with your struggles/decisions and he has to deal with his. Do not worry about him, he will go through what he needs to go through and move on. It was wise to end it rather than string him along further. Do not be friends, he has his own friends for support and do not keep tabs/ask about him.

Since breaking up, I have had a huge pressure lifted off of me and I don't feel very sad because I went through the grieving process whilst deciding to end it.

same guy?

[nessie102]

Yup! Didn't expect this site to help as much as it has thanks for your input

[catfeeder]

Since breaking up, I have had a huge pressure lifted off of me and I don't feel very sad because I went through the grieving process whilst deciding to end it.

 

Okay, so enjoy the outcome, because it was hard enough to attain. Don't allow anyone to imply that you're responsible for the healing of someone else. Grief is natural, and it's an inside job. Nobody else can do that for another.

 

Don't make the mistake of adopting false guilt. It will stunt your ability to navigate future relationships--and to find your way out of them when necessary.

 

Head high.

[MrsRickGrimes]

I was in the same situation as you. We broke up a year ago. As we still have some things together we still have to be in contact every now and then.

 

At the begining we hang out together because he wanted to cause there was still hope from his side.

 

From my point it was pretty hard knowing you hurt someone who didn't deserve it but at the same time you know there is no other way. I was exhausted after our meetings, there were endless converations, tears from both sides...

 

My guilt trip started do decline approximately after one year.

 

I felt quilty this whole time and thought I can't be happy in my life now because he isn't. I still get that feeling from time to time.

 

Even now it takes few days to recover when we talk.

[MrsRickGrimes]

I just now saw you were together for 2 years, my relationship was much much longer so it might take you less time to stop feeling like that