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My girlfriend calls me every night


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Okay so recently I have started to notice that my girlfriend has decided to call me every night before she goes to bed which kind of annoys me since she knows I have a boat load of homework and things to study for each night since I'm taking two high level maths and an online course. She could tell I didn't want to talk on the phone the other night because she noticed how I rushed the conversation. I am not trying to be mean to her but i'd prefer just to text her that way I can focus and multitask more efficiently. She gets very upset if I don't say I love you back to her as well even though she says it a million times to me, as I told her I say it when the moment is right and not copious amount of times. My problem or question is, that am I wrong for feeling this way? for being annoyed at my girlfriend for calling me every night before she goes to bed even though she knows I'm busy doing homework?

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Tell her and make it clear you got to focus and do well in school. But remember your gonna miss those calls when they don't come anymore later on in the relationship! OP I used to be like you and I learned women won't stay if you don't show them your love in all ways

Edited by gianno
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She gets very upset if I don't say I love you back to her

 

Always say "I love you, too" when she says it to you. This is what people in relationships do.

 

as well even though she says it a million times to me, as I told her I say it when the moment is right and not copious amount of times.

 

You do realize that she's in love with you, right? Is it possible you're taking her for granted?

 

I think it would be a good idea to establish some boundaries. When you are with your girlfriend face to face, after you've told her "copious amount of times" that you love her, explain to her that there are times when you can only text. Tell her she's the most important priority in your life, but she's not the ONLY priority. In exchange for her allowing you to work on homework in the evenings, offer her dates and other times when you can talk. Send her sweet texts throughout the day. Buy her flowers. If you really want this to work, you've got to create a place for her in your life.

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Always say "I love you, too" when she says it to you. This is what people in relationships do.

 

 

 

You do realize that she's in love with you, right? Is it possible you're taking her for granted?

 

I think it would be a good idea to establish some boundaries. When you are with your girlfriend face to face, after you've told her "copious amount of times" that you love her, explain to her that there are times when you can only text. Tell her she's the most important priority in your life, but she's not the ONLY priority. In exchange for her allowing you to work on homework in the evenings, offer her dates and other times when you can talk. Send her sweet texts throughout the day. Buy her flowers. If you really want this to work, you've got to create a place for her in your life.

 

 

Thats how I should construct the perfect compromise in order for us to be both happy! Plus knowing her she would love for me to say things like that so I will definitely talk to her tomorrow about it thank you!

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Tell her and make it clear you got to focus and do well in school. But remember your gonna miss those calls when they don't come anymore later on in the relationship! OP I used to be like you and I learned women won't stay if you don't show them your love in all ways

 

Wow maybe I am you make a very valid point! I definitely need to make sure that think of a compromise then so we both can be happy and I can get my work done!

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OP, I think it's really cool of you to see that you could be maybe a little wrong here.

 

I used to get really annoyed at stupid things easily (not saying your complaints are stupid, btw!). I then decided I wouldn't. Traffic won't annoy me anymore. The kid who chews his gum loudly won't annoy me anymore. The neighbor who mows his lawn at 730 on a Saturday won't annoy me anymore. Etc.

 

Well, by telling yourself these things, suddenly it becomes easier (except for the kid chewing gum. That didn't work). Point it, if you decide it's ok, you can make it ok. Just prep for the call, know it's coming, and enjoy knowing that you have probably the best nightcap to your high level math homework that anyone in your class has

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I actually disagree with you "compromising" here. For you two to be compatible, she's the one who's gonna have to respect your need to have some nights to yourself to study. I think essentially "buying" study time is a bad precedent to set. If not with you, then with other men in the future, she's going to have to learn to respect space, especially when there are very pragmatic needs on the line. You need to study. Multitasking crushes the efficiency of studying (even just texting). So not only would I start asking for a few nights off from calling, but texting altogether.

 

Also, if she's saying she loves you "millions of times" (I understand it's an exaggeration, but I get what you're conveying), then it's most likely not because she is just overwhelmed with feelings and can't help but throw it out there. Rather, she needs to hear it beck to stave off insecurity. I'm the type who says "love you" after every call, before going to sleep, and as one of us leaves the door for work. It's more a reflex at this point, but even I would get annoyed with constantly being expected to always toss it back throughout the day. I think if you say it enough and have explained to her you don't like throwing it out there just for ****s, then you're within your rights.

 

I'd start seriously considering the fact you two may be incompatible. How are the other aspects of your relationship? If this is indicative of the overall tone of your relationship, I'd be annoyed, too. But I also wouldn't string her along any further.

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I wasn't saying he needs to change completely, but relationships do require compromise.
If I'm having pizza with my girlfriend and I've got the entire thing on my end of the table and she asks for a piece, I don't say "OK, but if I give you this piece, I get something from you." I just give her the slice. The problem was I had the entire pizza to begin with. I shouldn't establish a precedent whereby she needs to give something up simply to make things equitable.

 

OP's girlfriend wants to call him every night. We're not talking just every other night. He doesn't want and really can't do every night if he's to give his studies the dedication necessary. The solution is that he asks for a night or two off to dedicate to studying and for her to respect it, not for him to reinforce the idea in her head that she's ever been entitled to call him every night and that he's got to make it up to her in some way for taking that away. She's had the whole pizza. It's time to give him a slice.

 

It's an adult lesson for her to learn. Sometimes you just don't get to talk to your SO and it doesn't create some negative balance that needs making up. I'd say if he wants to surprise her with extra dates here and there, go for it. I think it's a bad idea to include it as some sort of negotiation, though.

 

But, in fairness to her, he also needs to make his needs clear to her so that she can step up. It's not fair to her to just let the resentment build inside him without giving her an opportunity to potentially remedy it.

Edited by j.man
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I don't think it's all that unreasonable to be annoyed with a partner who acts needy - if that is what is happening here. The important thing though is communication. Don't let the upset go on and on - as soon as something isn't working for you, speak up and let her know what you need. Practise communicating clearly and kindly .

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She wants more of a relationship thing. Just make it quick, say you're studying/busy and 'say ILY too'. easy. Or call her first quickly to get it out of the way...win-win.

 

Don't be passive-aggressive and drag it out and get resentful.

She gets very upset if I don't say I love you back to her
Same girl?
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I'd say to express what you need and why you need it. It doesn't have to be negative as your reasons are simple and not unreasonable.

 

In my last relationship, after some time I felt like my ex was becoming more needy and her trust issues actually got worse, for what reason I don't know. Maybe as her feeling became more intense. I never communicated my concern over it and it built resentment towards hers and ultimately led me to appreciate nothing really.

 

After that really destroyed the relationship, ultimately. I do miss her devotion and commitment to me. How she smelled and smiled. The companionship. In sure that's all normal once you go back to being alone, but I do miss everything. You will too if you decide that it's all too much and bothersome. Just be sure what your complaining about is really that big of an issue that can't be solved.

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I actually disagree with you "compromising" here. For you two to be compatible, she's the one who's gonna have to respect your need to have some nights to yourself to study. I think essentially "buying" study time is a bad precedent to set. If not with you, then with other men in the future, she's going to have to learn to respect space, especially when there are very pragmatic needs on the line. You need to study. Multitasking crushes the efficiency of studying (even just texting). So not only would I start asking for a few nights off from calling, but texting altogether.

 

Also, if she's saying she loves you "millions of times" (I understand it's an exaggeration, but I get what you're conveying), then it's most likely not because she is just overwhelmed with feelings and can't help but throw it out there. Rather, she needs to hear it beck to stave off insecurity. I'm the type who says "love you" after every call, before going to sleep, and as one of us leaves the door for work. It's more a reflex at this point, but even I would get annoyed with constantly being expected to always toss it back throughout the day. I think if you say it enough and have explained to her you don't like throwing it out there just for ****s, then you're within your rights.

 

I'd start seriously considering the fact you two may be incompatible. How are the other aspects of your relationship? If this is indicative of the overall tone of your relationship, I'd be annoyed, too. But I also wouldn't string her along any further.

 

Well said my friend! I think she started getting the memo once I told her how I felt, and as for the other aspects of our relationship things are fine. But I do know where she is coming from with the whole insecurity issue since her ex boyfriend pretty much dumped her for another girl. She should know after 3 years of dating I'm not going to leave her and that I show my love through acts of service.

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She wants more of a relationship thing. Just make it quick, say you're studying/busy and 'say ILY too'. easy. Or call her first quickly to get it out of the way...win-win.

 

Don't be passive-aggressive and drag it out and get resentful.Same girl?

 

Yes its the same exact girl lol

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Ballen, I don't think you are doing anything wrong by putting your homework before your girlfriends need.

I am taking master level courses and I definitely understand how time consuming it gets.

I have had a couple of people who would call me while I am doing my homework, and I would just let them know to text me, or that I will call them back before I go to bed if they are still up. Nothing annoys me more than when someone gets needy when I cant give them they attention they want when I am focused on something important.

Also, I used to be one of those girls that would need constant reassurance after I would tell my boyfriend that I loved him. I later realized that constant need for reassurance was just my own insecurities and need for validation. So, I decided to focus instead on my boyfriends actions and how he treated me to infer if he loved me or not.

Anyone can say that they love someone a million times, but their actions is the real proof here.

I agree with j.man here. You should look at other aspects of your relationship and see if you two are really compatible.

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I think it is wrong of you to be annoyed in a way. This girl clearly is crazy about you. Sound like both of you are young so it may be puppy love, but still, feelings tend to control actions no matter how old we are.

 

Dedicate some time really talking to her. Tell her in the beginning of the call that you have to get off in ten minutes but you wish you didn't.

 

Cherish a woman who showers you with love, trust me man, the opposite is horrible.

 

Tell her you love her when she says it. When you get off the phone tell her you will text her when you are done with your studying. Then put your phone on silent, in the drawer and focus.

 

Basically, compartmentalize Give her the time and love she needs, and state your boundaries. She will respect you a lot and maybe learn some self control. She may be afraid you don't really love her as you're not giving her your undivided attention. Best of luck!

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I completely,agree with j.man...I don't think he should have to constantly be there every single evening. To me she sounds somewhat ,possessive and almost sounds like she is checking up on him...it's also kinda sickly that she keep saying I love you and that he is forced to say it back...eventually he will get fed up with her and .Run for the hills...now might be a good idea in,the long run.

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Back when I was schooling full time, I dated a guy. I later broke up with him because he wanted to see and talk to me all the time, and I didn't have time for it. A while later, I met somebody that I fell in love with, and despite both of our crazy schedules, we found a compromise that made us both happy.

 

I guess my point is that, when I first broke up with my ex I thought it was because HE wanted too much, but in reality I never tried to find a compromise that would satisfy us both - I never TRIED. And the reason I didn't, was because I wasn't in love with him and I didn't see him as a life partner. It was difficult being on different pages too, I was a full time student with a job and he was not a student, so he didn't understand my commitment to studies (and sleep).

 

Once I fell in love, I wanted to make time.

 

So I think it's good that you are realizing that something needs to be done to fix this problem. If she loves you, she should meet you halfway so that you are both happy, and your school work isn't compromised. Definitely a two way street.

 

The whole not saying I love you back thing is somewhat concerning. But words have different meanings to different people so that is just my opinion.

 

If you really love her, find that solution. Just make sure you aren't finding time because she isn't actually a priority at all .

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  • 4 years later...

Nope - being honest is best!

She should respect the fact of how busy you are... and you suggested maybe just a call cpl times a week?

As for this admittance of 'love' constantly, oh well, so you dont have that 'need' to voice it all the time.. is something she needs to accept as well.

Is she at all a bit 'needy"?  :/ 

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3 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Nope - being honest is best!

She should respect the fact of how busy you are... and you suggested maybe just a call cpl times a week?

As for this admittance of 'love' constantly, oh well, so you dont have that 'need' to voice it all the time.. is something she needs to accept as well.

Is she at all a bit 'needy"?  😕

This is a 4 year old thread.  The person who replied right before you is just trying to send everyone their email address for some reason LOL.

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Set up set times to talk for an hour, whether it be 3 times a week or maybe 4, on certain days. You know your schedule with school so work her into that schedule. If gamers can make time to play, I'm sure you can make time for her. You can set a time where you are taking a break for a meal, and face time with her.

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