Here alone..

[alldaisies]

I writing here because I need to vent about what just happened to me. I am totally alone and I do not have a single person in the city I live that can call. I do not know if I am crazy, I do not know if he is the one crazy or we both are crazy. In this moment I am to sad to answer myself all my questions and think rational.

 

I have been on and off taking psychotropic drugs, drugs that make me fat, terrible fat. Since I am at home, I have managed, I almost used my gym clothes every day. I am fat no because I want to be fat, I eat most of the times healthy and I also go to the gym. Since I move to a new house and also my son had an emergency surgery, I have stopped going to the gym with the same regularity and have also some time eat chocolate. Today when I went to my clothes on, did not fit and could not contain myself, I start crying. It is not my fault, trust me, the pills have make me overweight. and He was there, yelling, telling that I do not go to the gym and that I eat chocolate. He was telling me that he pays the gym and I do not use it, that he gives me this and that. I asked please to stop. I was feeling bad because I did not feel in my clothes, I want a hug, a kiss, a you are still pretty, I love you like the, no idea what I wanted it, but for sure I did not want all he told me and he was crying, with show, telling that he does not know what to do to make us happy and his family happy. It was terrible. I do not know what to do to change my life, no idea what to do to get a job, to produce some income, to get my freedom. I have so much overself. It is so hard to hear from him, yelling you do not do anything, you sleep all day and eat and do not go to the gym. He painted me like nothing. My daughter was hearing all he was yelling to me and his crying. I am not sleeping all day. I am trying to learning new skills. I am trying to improve my english to get job. I am trying to write a book to sell it. I am trying and I feel bad. The pills make me feel bad.

 

Please write to me, send me a little emotion. Or tell me that you understand me or just hi.

 

I need so much my family and friends, I need so much to find someone that appreciate me for what I am. Someone able to see in me more than nothing, that I am worthy for something more than to be a stay home and sick mom.

[lifesatrip]

Hi, I am really sorry you are going through this. Your husband is treating you horribly. He is being abusive. You are not the one with the problem, he has serious problems if he treats you like that. Why can't your family be happy? Because of him. He is emotionally immature and a bully.

 

I understand how upsetting it must be to see that you gained wait. You must feel powerless. And your husband seems to be making you feel worthless for it. That is so wrong. There is nothing terribly wrong with some extra weight. Some men even prefer it. You don't need to be thin to be beautiful. And, it sounds like you will loose whatever you gained once your son is out of the hospital and you regain your routine. But you shouldn't have to keep the weight off to make your bully of a husband happy. It's your body.

 

It sounds like you are doing a lot for yourself and your family. I don't know what your situation is. Can you leave your husband? If so you and your child could create a happier, healthier home. You mention learning English. As someone who is learning a foreign language (Spanish), I am very impressed by your English skills. I probably would not have noticed you weren't a native speaker if you hadn't mentioned it. I'm imagine there are many jobs that would hire you with your level of English. Has it not been your experience? Where do you live? If you were to relocate it might be easier.

 

Anyway these are just some of my thoughts. Overall, I think you are in a highly toxic environment with your husband and need to get out for the sake of yourself and your child. In the meantime be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up, treat yourself like you would treat a loved one in need of comforting, love yourself, you deserve it. Your husband is like a child. Try to envision him as such. He is not capable of giving the emotional nurturance you need. (At least this is how it appears to me). His opinion is meaningless. He doesn't define your value. You are worth much more than he can see. Don't look to him for support, he clearly does not know how to give it. Nurture yourself in whatever way you can whether through your thoughts about yourself/self talk, through taking care of yourself/your health, or pampering yourself with a hot bath, painting your nails, whatever makes you feel good and happy.

[lifesatrip]

Men like your husband, (abusive men), are like children in adult bodies. It's a dangerous combination, especially since society tells us to listen to men and put men above ourselves. Anyone receiving abuse feels crazy at times. Especially as women, we're taught to doubt ourselves and look to men to guide us and show us reason. We're often taught not to listen to ourselves and not to respect ourselves fully, and an abusive man multiplies this toxicity manifold. But you are emotionally smarter than him, more mature, more kind. You are the rightful authority of your own life.

[alldaisies]

Thanks for your message. I have my son in college and my daughter at home. I do not even know how to describe better my situation and why I am in a toxic relation. I am alone because we are immigrant. I moved to US like 10 years ago, I went to college here and I finished my career. But when I was almost to graduate I got sick, terrible sick. I lost my two grandmas, on in Cuba and the other here in US with cancer. My son had a car accident. My husband had a car accident too. I was working part time and studying full time, with my babies little. My husband at that time started a relation with a co-worker. I moved all the document alone for a self divorce, he refused to signed the papers. Then he lost his job, I was with him and my little children, without any income, graduate and without a job, I had a nervous breakdown, it was all together, the yelling and all that happened. I started a long process dealing also with the psychotropic medication. I do not know how I am still here and sober and trying to think rational and no lost in a hospital. Well, my husband found a new job and we moved to a new city, more north. Things got a little bit better. But I am not ok, how I cannot ever be ok with all my life frustrations. I want to work but for what happened to me I have been out of the marker for a long time, no one call me. I am doing my best. I found a site, coursera.org and I am taking there classes. I am trying to reinvent myself. I know that I will never work as a chemist, then most probably I will do something in accounting and taxation, do the test and get my license to open new doors. There are some short courses about data management. But all it is time and also money. Money that I do not have and I do not want from him. He gives me all to later count every penny he has given to me. I am tired, so tired.

 

Have you heard the a woman is like the man she has beside, I am sad, truly sad and exhausted. I cannot focus well when those things happens to me and I do not have money or any place to where to go. I have to continue dealing with this, with my plan on mind. Maybe it took me 1-2 years more, but I do not have another option now.

 

 

Thanks again..I really appreciate your words and encouragement regarding my English skills.

[alldaisies]

Today I am like waving the white flag, I am so tired, so exhausted of all of this and I feel so alone. I am crying now, because I always believe in love. My parents have been happily marriage for more than 30 years, my grandparent for more than 50, they all have been example for me. I believe that love is be there for the other person when that person need you more. To be supportive, to have a good communication. I believed children do not need to know about the problems of their parents. He was crying, ridiculous crying and like the victim. All what happened just happened because I cried a little when I tried my clothes. I am always here for all, for my children and for him. I feel sad because I am not working and I lost my professional career and my years at college, but I do not tell this to him. I always sweet and stable with them. But I also need someone out there sometimes for me. I need to feel the love, the care, the respect. I need to feel that I am valuable and they appreciate me. He told me that I am all the time sleeping, that was so terrible.

 

Sorry for all of this, but I am not feeling well. You here are all I have in this moment in my life. You are the people that have kept me going and strong. Thanks.

[SkellyWoozle]

I can't say anything more than everyone else has said, but am sending you hugest love, strength and hugs XX

[catfeeder]

Who put you on the psychotropic drugs, and for what reason? How often do you see this person, and have you reported the weight gain as an undesired side effect?

 

If you're being treated for something, you need to participate in the management of that treatment. You don't just do the drugs 'on and off,' that doesn't work. You report the effects and ask for the dosage or the med to be changed to something else.

 

So don't blow up your treatment and hope that your spouse or anyone else will pick up the pieces for you--that won't work. Phone your doctor, report the problem, and make an appointment to discuss your treatment to make the changes that will benefit you.

 

The best way to get loved ones to say nicer things to you is to demonstrate that you're doing your part to manage your own care. Throwing an emotional outburst in someone else's lap isn't going to inspire sympathy--as you've noticed. It causes resentment toward your exit from your adult responsibilities, and it forces others into a position of care that they don't want--so they just feel manipulated.

 

Take a deep breath and focus on stepping up to what you need to do to help yourself. It's your percentage play, because you'll not only aid the efficacy of your treatment, you'll demonstrate to your partner a willingness to do your part in your relationship.

 

Head high.

[alldaisies]

Who put you on the psychotropic drugs, and for what reason? How often do you see this person, and have you reported the weight gain as an undesired side effect?

 

If you're being treated for something, you need to participate in the management of that treatment. You don't just do the drugs 'on and off,' that doesn't work. You report the effects and ask for the dosage or the med to be changed to something else.

 

So don't blow up your treatment and hope that your spouse or anyone else will pick up the pieces for you--that won't work. Phone your doctor, report the problem, and make an appointment to discuss your treatment to make the changes that will benefit you.

 

The best way to get loved ones to say nicer things to you is to demonstrate that you're doing your part to manage your own care. Throwing an emotional outburst in someone else's lap isn't going to inspire sympathy--as you've noticed. It causes resentment toward your exit from your adult responsibilities, and it forces others into a position of care that they don't want--so they just feel manipulated.

 

Take a deep breath and focus on stepping up to what you need to do to help yourself. It's your percentage play, because you'll not only aid the efficacy of your treatment, you'll demonstrate to your partner a willingness to do your part in your relationship.

 

Head high.

 

For what you wrote, seem I did not explain well myself . I am not looking for sympathy, throwing a tantrum like a bad behave little girl. I have two different situations, one if with the psychotropic drugs I am taking and the other is with my husband, these two could be related or no, depending how you look at them. Of course to arrive to a conclusion you will have to know the whole story and it is so long and with so many twist, that no idea for where I should start. I have been on and off of drugs for about 6 years. In 2008 I had a nervous breakdown for multiple reasons and the great physician that saw me put me in cocktail of medication, since that day my life have been a roller coaster. You must probably do not agree with me, but those drugs are like a bad potion. I did not take an informed decision when I was put on that mixture of drugs, no one told me about the dependency and the close cycle that those drugs create, no one informed me that I should not stop medication without medical help, I was feeling really bad and initially the drugs helped. I have been on and off because the side effects, trial and error. For the doctors it is ok if we are stable emotional, be overweigh because the drugs is what less concern them. I see my doctor often and I have a great relation with her, she knows me for all these years, she knows about my personal problems and health issues very well. I have complained about the weight, but without too much success. Yes, I want to withdraw medication with my doctor help, but most probably she will refuse to help me on that and I do not know what I am going to do. I cannot stop an slow release pills without help. Those drugs most be quit slowly. One of the drugs give me terrible headaches and also dizziness and if for any reason I forget a dosage I get even worse. When we are in drugs, just to mention the little tiny word, automatically set the mind that we are the one with the problem, the focus move to us, even when the problem could be in the "sane" side.

 

I will try to resume in brief sentences, I have a husband that for life have behaved the way describe. I have many time cried in a corner where no one can see me, I am not attention seeker kind of person. Why I am with him? The story is long to explain. Why I have tolerated for so many years his yelling until I got sick myself? Long to tell. I am the one receiving the treatment but that does not mean that I was the one with the problem. He say sometimes laughing and sarcastically that I am to weak.

 

Thanks again for reading my post and for writing, even if your post does not help me a lot, I truly appreciate it. All in this life help. Tomorrow I have another appointment with my doctor. Let's see what she says and if she decides to help me with my request: "quit the poison medication"

[catfeeder]

Yes, I want to withdraw medication with my doctor help, but most probably she will refuse to help me on that and I do not know what I am going to do.

 

So you're spinning the outcome before even attempting the resolution?

 

Rather than coming off as resistant to the meds, you can try asking the doc if she would be willing to adjust the med combo to reduce the side effects. Negotiate. Promise that you'll keep a journal to document the effects, and then you can discuss the evolution of your treatment with each visit.

 

This demonstrates a willingness to step up and partner WITH the doc to participate in your own care rather than just complaining.

 

If you don't like doc's answer, ask for her to explain her reasons. Ask her to explain her treatment plan going forward and what you can do to help bring about results.

 

Head high.

[alldaisies]

I am not complaining, but if telling the truth about medication is complaining I cannot stop doing it. I do not have any problem with my doctor as I said before. We work well together, I respect her and her professional advices. But the same way she knows me well, I also know her and her position. She is like many doctors, "medication for life" without complaining, arguing or negotiation..I have been seeing her for enough time already to know that for her the weigh problem is not really an issue. What the doctors can do? eh. They are dealing with this epidemic call "mental health" and a medication cycle that seem unbreakable. This is multimillion business, even if there are people, doctors, professionals with moral and values, maybe doing the best they can for their patients, there are also the opposite. "Mental health" label is the perfect cover up for the problem. There are young men going in a rampage and killing people while on medication, others taking their lives while on medication. No everyone is lucky as me that can visit a doctor periodically and receive the meds. I have been blessed with good doctors, that have cared for me a lot. But I am not blind to this situation. Maybe I am just one more for the list, another number or statistic, but I am hopeful that someone out there will create awareness about this. That all the parts implicated in this big problem could sit together and look for a more optimal medical solution.

 

My body is a temple, I own my body and I should be able to decide, without being forced my treatment plan. I did not create these evil drugs on the name of doing good. These drugs create dependency, are really hard to quit, have severe and no so severe side effects, decrease the life expectance, sometimes let people even worse than before they start on the treatment when they stop medication.

 

I wish you can really understand my point and no see me the way you are looking at me. I am chemist, I know well the pharmaceutical industry, I understand the process and how these drugs act in our brains. The only thing I want is the solution, because I did not look for a psychotropic drug and for all that has happened to me. I want people to informed. I want less victims.

[catfeeder]

If you're so good at building a case against what you want, why not build one in your favor, instead, and present it to your doc for a 'modification' in your meds?

 

I was not categorizing your posts as complaints, I was distinguishing the difference between what can be perceived by your doctor as participating in your own monitoring and negotiating reasonable changes versus just complaining.

 

See what happens. If your doctor won't consider your requests, then what you describe as a 'good' relationship is actually 'not-so-good,' and I'd ask the doc for a referral to someone who WILL consider your feedback as a necessary part of monitoring the effects of your meds.

 

Look, you don't need to convince ME of anything--I have no skin in your outcome. Use your debating skills on your doc, instead, rather than arguing yourself out of doing that.

[alldaisies]

I have a good relation with my doctor, despite the outcome. The problem is that always the rational modification of my meds, it is always, "stay on meds no matter what" "let's continue the trial and error" I have to modify what I want for what others want, but others cannot modify what they do for what I have decided.

 

I came here because because you all are my eyes, and you help me a lot. Because sometime we need to let out what we we are carrying alone, independently if we find people that believe in us or no. You do not believe in me, you from the beginning have see me as a little problem in the wrong side of the story. I do not judge you for that. I am glad you are there, you read my post, you interchange with me, make subjections. I appreciate every single word as you do not have idea.

 

I will let you know what my doctor said, I wish I could say, she surprise me, she was unbelievable receptive.

[alldaisies]

If you're so good at building a case against what you want, why not build one in your favor, instead, and present it to your doc for a 'modification' in your meds?

 

I was not categorizing your posts as complaints, I was distinguishing the difference between what can be perceived by your doctor as participating in your own monitoring and negotiating reasonable changes versus just complaining.

 

See what happens. If your doctor won't consider your requests, then what you describe as a 'good' relationship is actually 'not-so-good,' and I'd ask the doc for a referral to someone who WILL consider your feedback as a necessary part of monitoring the effects of your meds.

 

Look, you don't need to convince ME of anything--I have no skin in your outcome. Use your debating skills on your doc, instead, rather than arguing yourself out of doing that.

 

I had the appointment with my doctor, she was reasonable, she adjusted the dosage of the medication, and we will work from there. We first need to see how my body responds to a lower dosage and if we can continue decreasing it. Thanks again for your messages.