Are some of us just meant to be alone?

[WantsKids]

I was married for 13 years. We planned to buy a house and have children. She had two abortions and spent all our money on clothes, Starbucks, cell phones, and the salon. Eventually we amicably divorced and are still friends. Then I had a relationship with someone who wanted kids too. But she decided to get a hysterectomy because she had really bad abdominal cramps during her period. Then another woman had a miscarriage and dumped me 3 months later because she wanted to start over new with someone who didn't remind her of the miscarriage. But I still have this desire to have a family. All my siblings have children. I avoid family events now because I'm like the childless divorced loser who has nothing in common with my family anymore. I feel like I'm going to die with no children, just an old lonely man. I would love to hold a new born baby and be a dad, full time. I have this weird feeling towards children when I see them at the stores, like I'm missing them because they're supposed to be my children. It sounds weird, I know. Maybe I'm not explaining it right.

 

Now that I'm 37, it's been so hard to meet women lately. I mean I can easily get laid. But I'm really past all that because I don't like having to go through the messy process of playing women to get in their pants and then cutting ties. I'm being true to myself and other women. So I decided to join online dating a year ago. I'm a 6 foot 1 inch tall good looking, atheltic and educated guy (people even think I'm only about 30). So I have been on about 30 dates and women are constantly liking my pictures and giving me their phone numbers. I get about a 80% response rate to messages. But none of the women who express interest in me are a good match. They're either 100lbs overweight (and yes, I workout and have the body of a 25 year old athletic guy, so I have a leg to stand on here), or they're shallow about status and money (must make $75,00+/yr or must be "professionally established" or "have a respectable career" - I'm just a regular guy making $60K/yr which isn't too bad actually), or they already have kids, can't have kids, or don't want kids. And the women I like have zero interest in me after I fail some screening test even though they list "no preference on these things on their profile", just simple things like political views, religion, have I traveled to Europe blah blah blah, etc. (I'm actually very lax about standards -- just don't be more than 35lbs overweight, be at least average in the looks department, don't be rude, don't be messy).

 

After thousands of profiles I've viewed and messages I've exchanged, I was about to give up. Then I found this one profile. It was so creepy how perfectly matched we seemed. Quirky and unique things about us in detail were similar. Same favorite large exotic animal we had our picture taken with, same favorite radio station, same EVERYTHING. And she was so cute and I matched the physical description of what she was looking for. She completely blew me off hahahaha.

 

So I'm really just thinking of deciding to be alone. I'm so tired of being disappointed. Not to sound wussy, but I've had my heart broken a couple times, and my ability to be open to love is diminishing very quickly. There's an old guy across the street who has no family, no marriage, no kids. It's starting to seem that will be me. Maybe I should just accept it? Maybe I'm too old for kids? I'm actually sad, but I'm happy. Last night it really hit me that I'm pathetic and for whatever reason undesirable despite all the good qualities I have. Maybe I should just start making everything about getting laid and not getting attached before my sex drive completely vanishes?

[SherrySher]

What will getting laid accomplish? You will end up feeling more emptier realising it was a soulless experience. Seriously, and I am not just saying that because I am a woman.

Don't give in just yet...if you've come to the bottom of the barrel...find another barrel. Try and meet people with the same kinds of hobbies or interests, friends of friends, co-workers, meet ups. And who knows, maybe just by pure luck you will meet someone..but don't degrade yourself and give in..after all, you're not over the hill yet by any means.

[ThatwasThen]

Have you considered a Bridal Catalogue? I'm sure there are many pages filled with woman from 'lesser' countries that would love your $60K and to bear you children.

 

Just half kidding. Try going after younger women that have their chit together and I'm sure if what you're saying about your physique etc is true, you'll find one worth pursuing.

[WantsKids]

Ya I go as low as 30 for women. But it doesn't matter because there's always some stupid reason with the online dating that makes them not pursue getting to know me. Just since my initial post, I had some 33 year old seem like a good match in every way except she drinks "regularly" and wants her man to do the same. I never drink, like almost never. Isn't that a good thing? This, believe it or not, seems to be the biggest deal breaker with women. They always ask me why I never drink and say they want someone a little more open to fun and trying new things. It's just alcohol.

[WantsKids]

What will getting laid accomplish? You will end up feeling more emptier realising it was a soulless experience. Seriously, and I am not just saying that because I am a woman.

Don't give in just yet...if you've come to the bottom of the barrel...find another barrel. Try and meet people with the same kinds of hobbies or interests, friends of friends, co-workers, meet ups. And who knows, maybe just by pure luck you will meet someone..but don't degrade yourself and give in..after all, you're not over the hill yet by any means.

 

Because I can get laid very easily, and I'm tired of not getting laid just because I'm trying to find the right person. I don't see it as me feeling empty. Quite the opposite. But I'm trying not to use people in the process. That's all.

[SherrySher]

Well that's precisely what you would be doing though, right? Two strangers using one another, only cross your fingers that the woman doesn't get attached cause then you will have women hurt and upset with you...but it's up to you.

[ThatwasThen]

Ya I go as low as 30 for women. But it doesn't matter because there's always some stupid reason with the online dating that makes them not pursue getting to know me. Just since my initial post, I had some 33 year old seem like a good match in every way except she drinks "regularly" and wants her man to do the same. I never drink, like almost never. Isn't that a good thing? This, believe it or not, seems to be the biggest deal breaker with women. They always ask me why I never drink and say they want someone a little more open to fun and trying new things. It's just alcohol.

Well, there always is that catalogue.

[Wiseman2]

Try a 25-35 range. You want prime time marriage/kids ranges.They don't AA types, say you drink occasionally. Try to relax and not get hung up on dating site drop down menus. Just message women who you are interested in and take it from there rather than get upset about all the silly checked boxes.

Ya I go as low as 30 for women. I had some 33 year old seem like a good match in every way except she drinks "regularly" and wants her man to do the same

[SherrySher]

It is true though...have you considered looking outside your own area?

[WantsKids]

It is true though...have you considered looking outside your own area?

 

I have. Never works. Too hard and not satisfying. Plus the main thing that has always been a problem is deciding who is going to move.

[WantsKids]

Try a 25-35 range. You want prime time marriage/kids ranges.They don't AA types, say you drink occasionally. Try to relax and not get hung up on dating site drop down menus. Just message women who you are interested in and take it from there rather than get upset about all the silly checked boxes.

 

They're the ones who get hung up on it. I could care less how much she drinks as long as she's not an alcoholic. I'll have a drink or three once in awhile. It's just not something I care about. Another problem is that I'm divorced. So a lot of women think I'm a failure and insist that a man has never been divorced. As if they've never broken up with someone??? I'm supposed to be damaged goods because my wife turned out to be a disappointment?

As far as the age goes, I'm thinking of dropping the age. I was thinking women who are in their late 30s won't be as picky about finding someone to have kids with since their opportunity deadline is approaching fast. But then I realize why they haven't had kids yet -- they're too picky or don't really want them.

[Wiseman2]

Going in bitter probably isn't helping your chances...with the good ones at least.

I'm supposed to be damaged goods because my wife turned out to be a disappointment?

[WantsKids]

This is just insane lol. Tens of thousands of people on this dating site and can't find one person who is attracted to me and I to them and that want the same things and don't have these stupid deal breakers like, religion, never been married, political views, drink? income.....There's always something. And everybody I'm around during the day is married or in a relationship or just ridden with red flags like past addictions, lost custody of their kids, bankrupt....

[WantsKids]

I'm not bitter about my ex wife. We're good friends. But she disappointed me and she has admitted this too. She apparently never wanted kids and lied to me about it for 13 years, not to mention spending all of our money on herself. This is just a fact. I've forgiven her for it and I'm happy to have her in my life still. I wouldn't change anything in the past about her. And I certainly wouldn't say this to strange women. I never even talk about it. Here I do only because I'm anonymous.

[pippy longstocking]

and I'm happy to have her in my life stil

 

classic example as to what you are talking about . that ^^ would put me right off ..an ex is an ex is an ex and unless there are kids involved I wouldn't

be happy to be with anyone who has there ex in their life ...

 

this post doesn't really help you , I am old , stoned and right now think I am on board the star trek voyager ..so it is ok to ignore me

[WantsKids]

classic example as to what you are talking about . that ^^ would put me right off ..an ex is an ex is an ex and unless there are kids involved I wouldn't

be happy to be with anyone who has there ex in their life ...

 

this post doesn't really help you , I am old , stoned and right now think I am on board the star trek voyager ..so it is ok to ignore me

 

haha I understand. I mean nobody likes the thought of their new person talking to their ex. We have very solid boundaries. She has a boyfriend, and I make sure not to interfere with that. We're just on good terms. She mailed a birthday card and present ,occasionally asks how I'm doing, let's me take our old dog out when she is away with her boyfriend by leaving her in the backyard. That kinda stuff. We don't text randomly throughout the day or anything and never meet up.

[DancingFool]

Well I'm not stoned or drunk, I'm exactly in your target group and I don't even drink much.

 

Having said that, the bitter jaded poor me attitude that is coming across in waves would totally put me off. Add to it that you are still "besties" with your ex wife and you wouldn't have a snowball's chance in h with me. Lose the baggage, lose the jaded attitude and make sure you bring something more to the table than "I want a good breeding cow and I'm not real picky on how I get that" because that is not just a turn off, it's insulting and trust me when I say no woman is quite that desperate that she'll want a man who just sees her as breeding stock.

[DancingFool]

haha I understand. I mean nobody likes the thought of their new person talking to their ex. We have very solid boundaries. She has a boyfriend, and I make sure not to interfere with that. We're just on good terms. She mailed a birthday card and present ,occasionally asks how I'm doing, let's me take our old dog out when she is away with her boyfriend by leaving her in the backyard. That kinda stuff. We don't text randomly throughout the day or anything and never meet up.

 

.....you know.....what you just wrote is even worse than hanging out and talking everyday.... Do you realize that the message you are sending is basically that you are so not over her that you will jump at being her dog sitter and pooper scooper just to stay in touch. It actually makes you look pathetic and definitely not relationship material. I'm certain that's not how it is in your mind, just understand that that's how women will read this. You might want to just go ahead and phase her out completely.

[pippy longstocking]

haha I understand. I mean nobody likes the thought of their new person talking to their ex. We have very solid boundaries. She has a boyfriend, and I make sure not to interfere with that. We're just on good terms. She mailed a birthday card and present ,occasionally asks how I'm doing, let's me take our old dog out when she is away with her boyfriend by leaving her in the backyard. That kinda stuff. We don't text randomly throughout the day or anything and never meet up.

 

I like you .you're alright ..if my ovaries where not drying up like an ice cream in the Sahara I would marry you here and now .

[Matt3939]

Geeze this just makes me look at myself horrably. I'm gonna be 40 in a couple months. I'm tall but a bit overweight and bald. I haven't been layed in over a year. Oh well if u need a perchezzi partner hit me up. Lol or if u know any ladies between the ages of 35 and 45. That can operate a motor vehicle send them my way.

[WantsKids]

.....you know.....what you just wrote is even worse than hanging out and talking everyday.... Do you realize that the message you are sending is basically that you are so not over her that you will jump at being her dog sitter and pooper scooper just to stay in touch. It actually makes you look pathetic and definitely not relationship material. I'm certain that's not how it is in your mind, just understand that that's how women will read this. You might want to just go ahead and phase her out completely.

 

You appear to be delusional and extremely insecure. I'm sorry you're like that. I am not besties with my ex. We are merely on good terms and don't need to be cruel to each other just to make insecure people like you feel better about themselves. I see my dog because only one us can have her and she had a backyard at the time so I did the right thing for my dog. I am not a dog sitter for my ex. This is something my ex does for me and our dog......because she knows how much my dog loves me since I take her hiking and swimming and all kinds of stuff. I would see my dog more if I wasn't trying to have good boundaries because then I could see my dog whenever I wanted.

 

And about this "breeding cow" comment. Get off with it already. I have every right to find a romantic partner who also wants to have a family. Your desire to ridicule me for that is just really low of you.

I'm also on here to vent about frustrations in my life and hear sincere responses, not nasty comments from people like you. If anybody is bitter it's got to be you, posing as a know-it-all. I do not go around talking like this to people, especially dates.

 

You clearly have issues and think it is your job to come on here an belittle people who just want to reach out to people in an anonymous manner.

[pippy longstocking]

Geeze this just makes me look at myself horrably. I'm gonna be 40 in a couple months. I'm tall but a bit overweight and bald. I haven't been layed in over a year. Oh well if u need a perchezzi partner hit me up. Lol or if u know any ladies between the ages of 35 and 45. That can operate a motor vehicle send them my way.

 

oh I win this one mate ..I am 50 this year and havent been laid for 5 years ..5 YEARS .....did you get that ...5 years

 

I said 5 years

 

that was 5 years

[Matt3939]

Well somone on here told me to stair down woman on here to pick them up. It hasn't worked at all. Some even scream for help. Lol another year and I'll move up my age limit by another 5 years.

 

Wants kids

Why don't u find woman that are desperately wanting to have children. Lesbians have this need and want good genes. Or even single ladies. One of my ex's went to a clinic and got implanted. I'm sure she would have gone the natural way.

[happpybear]

Well, no offense to you OP, but you do come across as bitter (I realize this just may be you venting) but often people can sense that sort of latent attitude. Like it shows in body language, tone, how you speak, energy level. For example, when I was online dating (used eHarmony--where I met my current BF) I spoke on the phone with a guy who had a very positive profile, but his overall tone on the phone was really draining. He made a few sarcastic "jokes" about dating and women that put me off--even though he was "joking"--the phone call was a downer and I felt the energy zapped out of me. Shortly after that I texted him to tell him that I had changed my mind about meeting him as our convo had made me realize that we wouldn't be a good match.

 

Incidently, while I was on the phone with this guy, another guy called me and left a message. So after I got off the phone with downer-guy, I called back and had a really great convo, he sounded really positive and I could hear that he was smiling and happy. He is now my boyfriend.

 

So my point is that you may not realize that you may be giving off downer vibes. And I get that dating is frustrating and sometimes awful, but check your vibes, and if you must, take a dating break. Attitude really does count for a lot.

[happpybear]

Also, I would never date a man that kept an ex in his life unless he had to (like they had shared custody). I don't keep ex bf's around, and I expect that from any man I date. Many people feel this way. It's fine of you don't agree, and choose to keep her in your life, but you have to understand that it is a dealbreaker for many people so that will likely narrow your options

 

Also, things like religion/political beliefs/alcohol and drug consumption are valid dealbreakers. Opposites may attract, but they don't usually work out for the long term. I could never be with someone who shares opposing religious and politicol beliefs. If you can, then that's great, but you have to accept that if someone doesn't share your beliefs they have every right to reject you because of it and it's not frivolous, especially if they are passionate in their beliefs and don't want to spend the rest of their lives in opposition to their partner.