GIGS relationship, dont know what to do anymore

[jackie103]

I realize there probably is no point in me posting this because I already know that I just need to continue to NC and that my heart will mend with time, but i just figured i post this to get other opinions and advice.

 

I am a girl and i was with my ex girlfriend for almost 3 years. We were both interested in guys until we met one another. We started dating my freshman year in college and her sophomore year in college. This past June, she started having doubts and said that she wanted to live the single life and that she wanted to date others (guys) before settling down. She had dated other guys before and I told her that, but her response was "but they were all bad people". She told me that I was the best relationship she's ever had and I treated her the best compared to her other relationships. At this points, I realized that she had G.I.G.S. I was hurt by this but she ultimately wanted to break up. We would still see each other over the summer and act like we were a couple; making out, cuddling, and having sex. Just recently, she visited me at school to go to the first football game and this was the first time we didn't have sex. This kinda hurt my ego a bit because she didn't want to go that far anymore with me because she could see how much she was hurting me since I cried the last 2 times seeing her.

 

People say that if you treated your SO well, that they will ultimately come back to you but I don't think she will. She's almost 23 and I bet all the guys she meets in Boston will be ready for a relationship or ready to change for her. She is also saving sex for marriage but she does everything else, and I don't think guys oppose to that at least if theyre getting some. Anyway, it kills me every time to think about her with someone else and having sex with someone else because I truly believe that no one could ever lover her as much as I did. I asked her if "we" could ever happen in the future and she said that she doesn't see it so basically I have to let all my hope go. I told her that I couldn't see her any more and that I couldnt talk to her anymore for a really long time in order to get over her. She was upset because she really did not want to lose me as a friend, as she said that she knows she will never find anyone else with the same connection we have.

 

I have been going NC for 4 days now and the sadness comes in waves. I have dreams about her with other guys and it kills me. It's the worst and I cant wait for this to be over. I am pretty strong willed so I know I won't break NC.

 

Any advice to help me through this or to just to make this time easier for me?

 

Thanks guys

[moodindigo91]

Oh man, I'm sorry! That is rough. I wouldn't count on her coming back at all, I think it's pretty rare that couples break up and then come back together shortly thereafter (and if they do, it usually doesn't last). If they do get back together, sometimes it's years down the line after you've already healed completely from the initial break up. At that point, it has a chance to work, but I wouldn't even keep that as a possibility in your mind.

 

I'd say, develop some hobbies. Get yourself out and about, doing things, keeping busy. Don't allow too much idle time in your day otherwise your mind will go off with thoughts about her. Stay focused on other things, stay focused on yourself. Read some fun stories or something before you go to bed, maybe your dreams will be a continuation of whatever you were reading! A really fun and short read for you: The Man Who Was Thursday by G. K. Chesterton, it's fun and full of surprises, and when I was reading it I had fun and interesting dreams.

 

Best of luck to you on your healing journey

[SherrySher]

I'm just a bit confused..you said you had sex and yet she's saving sex until she's married?

[gebaird]

People say that if you treated your SO well, that they will ultimately come back ...

 

Oh, if only this could always be true!

 

Anyway, it kills me every time to think about her with someone else and having sex with someone else ...

 

It's going to be hard at first, but eventually you will have the opportunity to decide where to direct your thoughts. Since you're going to think of her no matter what, try to picture her happy wherever she is. And fully clothed

 

I told her that I couldn't see her any more and that I couldnt talk to her anymore for a really long time in order to get over her.

 

This is going to help more than you know. Pretending to be friends with someone you love is torture.

 

You're just in the beginning stages of this, and it probably feels like your whole world has been shattered. Sleeping, eating and living will eventually be easier. The pain will change from a sharp burning in your chest to a dull ache. The wounds will heal, and you'll begin to find joy again.

 

Until then, all you can do is take it a day at a time, trusting that better things are ahead.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like she sees you as a friend is confused about her sexuality but is religious and wants to be straight and get married to a guy have a family,etc. .

She is also saving sex for marriage

[SherrySher]

Oh sorry...didn't realise you were two women..my apologies.

I hope you find a way to heal your heart. It is so very tough but it is survivable. be gentle with yourself and try to not go over stuff..I know it's hard, but try and keep your mind occupied and not about her at all. Time will help the healing process.

[jackie103]

It sounds like she sees you as a friend is confused about her sexuality but is religious and wants to be straight and get married to a guy have a family,etc. .

 

Yeah she's Catholic and I'm pretty sure she wants to have a "normal" family. And I can't help but hope that the guys she date here on forward don't treat her like she deserves just so she can really realize what she lost but I know it's wrong to have those thoughts

 

I know she wishes the best for me. She has the most genuine and nicest heart in addition to being absolutely beautiful, which makes getting over her a lot worse. I've been going on a couple dates with guys but it's just not the same connection I had with her

[Wiseman2]

Why date guys if you want a woman?

I've been going on a couple dates with guys but it's just not the same connection I had with her

[jackie103]

Why date guys if you want a woman?

 

Well, I still like guys. I mentioned that we were both each other's first girls. I would like to be with her though, but I just have to move on

[jackie103]

Oh man, I'm sorry! That is rough. I wouldn't count on her coming back at all, I think it's pretty rare that couples break up and then come back together shortly thereafter (and if they do, it usually doesn't last). If they do get back together, sometimes it's years down the line after you've already healed completely from the initial break up. At that point, it has a chance to work, but I wouldn't even keep that as a possibility in your mind.

 

I'd say, develop some hobbies. Get yourself out and about, doing things, keeping busy. Don't allow too much idle time in your day otherwise your mind will go off with thoughts about her. Stay focused on other things, stay focused on yourself. Read some fun stories or something before you go to bed, maybe your dreams will be a continuation of whatever you were reading! A really fun and short read for you: The Man Who Was Thursday by G. K. Chesterton, it's fun and full of surprises, and when I was reading it I had fun and interesting dreams.

 

Best of luck to you on your healing journey

 

Thanks I have just started running again, as I have a large chunk of time on tuesday and thursday mornings and that usually puts me in a better mood, although i still think about her when I run. And I will definitely look into reading that, thanks for the suggestion!

[moodindigo91]

Thanks I have just started running again, as I have a large chunk of time on tuesday and thursday mornings and that usually puts me in a better mood, although i still think about her when I run. And I will definitely look into reading that, thanks for the suggestion!

 

That's great! When you're running and you begin to think of her, you should look around at your surroundings and try and notice something you wouldn't normally notice. I started doing this when I felt I was in the depths of my despair. Every time I walked outside, I'd notice the birds chirping, the light wind, the beautiful trees, some children playing, anything really! It does a few things: 1) distracts your mind from sad thoughts or thoughts of her; 2) enlarges your appreciation for life and nature; 3) enhances your mood (you'd be amazed how happy the sound of birds chirping can make you if you convince yourself that it's beautiful)

 

Edited to add: I even began to wake up super early in the mornings to watch the sunrise. It gave me a good reason to wake up each day and get out of bed, plus watching the sunrise puts you in a good mood to start off your day.