Still in love

[Jovahutc]

So I noticed you guys actually follow and pay attention to my posts, some of you at least remember things I've posted. It doesn't matter I still need support ... As I still cannot heal. So here's the most recent story.

 

I called my ex of five years today to attempt to arrange a custody agreement of my two year old daughter. My ex was very short with me and said she would think about it... This is all that was said. In her voice I could sense pain; I could tell she was hurt by me and was completely blocking me out. Now I don't believe that this is just me... Me and my ex have a connection,... A bond. I feel it all the time and no matter how much she's given me the cold shoulder, I believe she feels the same way as I feel. My words will never quite articulate this but I've never felt this way about anyone but her. When I was with her I thought I didn't love her but now that we're apart there's this ball of flame in my chest circling around, and it's burning for her, it's how I know I'm still in love. We've been apart for sixty days sharing custody of my daughter. I keep telling myself I'm over her and am trying to move on but I keep finding myself back where I started. I'm missing the way she smells, everywhere I travel it feels I'm missing her, I miss holding her the woman I loved. We've had problems for a long while but it just felt like it ended so abruptly, ... She just left. And tonight I lost it again, I found clothing that was hers and just cried my eyes out in them. She left most her things here, and as much as I deny it I'm hoping she's leaving them here because she's coming back, or maybe she's not and I'm desperate for her.

 

ive already told her that I'm still in love, and she just ignored me. Deep down I know she feels something too, something she can't let go. How long will it take? I know that you all would ask why on earth I'd want a toxic relationship back, but that's not the case. I want us to realize after all this time apart I want us to see that it's only us. I want us to see how good we could have been together. Am I delusional? Should I call her and beg her, tell her I love her????

[musicman777]

Am I delusional? Should I call her and beg her, tell her I love her????

 

Yes, you are delusional. You need to cut the crap. Don't go crawling back to this toxic woman. I don't remember your post personally or anything, so I went back to your other threads. This woman treated you like garbage and also took your kid out of your life. Quit sucking up to her. I think it would be an awful idea of you to "beg" her to take you back. When you are in love with someone and they love you, you shouldn't have to beg them to be part of your life. This should be your first obvious clue that this woman has no feelings for you whatsoever.

 

This is all that was said. In her voice I could sense pain; I could tell she was hurt by me and was completely blocking me out. Now I don't believe that this is just me... Me and my ex have a connection,... A bond.

 

Come on man, once again, cut the crap. She barely speaks to you and you take it as some huge hint she's into you! There is no connection. The only pain she probably feels is having to deal with talking to you because she doesn't have feelings for you anymore. She wants nothing to do with you anymore, and would probably prefer to keep you out of your daughters life as well.

 

From everything you posted in your previous threads, I don't know how or why this woman was given custody of your daughter. I think SHE (your daughter) should be your number one priority, NOT rekindling a romance with a nutjob woman whom you said punched you and "stabbed you". Are you so blinded by what you think is "love" that you have not done the proper things to gain custody of your daughter in the middle of all this drama?

 

My advice; get a good goddamn lawyer, do everything in your power to get one. Get custody of your daughter, and never speak to this woman again unless you absolutely have to. Give yourself time to recover and heal. And those clothes and things of her; throw them in the garbage or burn them. Man up and take responsibility to put your daughter in good hands. Quit bowing down to this woman. I don't want to make up facts to this story, I didn't read everything about it. But I'm willing to bet you are gullible to this woman and she took advantage of it in every way possible to gain custody of your daughter.

[gebaird]

Should I call her and beg her, tell her I love her????

 

You're in the bargaining stage of grief, where you'll do anything to avoid the pain you are now feeling. You've already told her you're still in love, and she just ignored you. Do you really think it will make a difference if you say it again?

 

Your heart is broken, shattered. But it can heal, if you let it. Begging will not bring her back. You'll just lose yourself.

 

Keep your contact as limited as possible as you work through custody challenges, etc. Avoid conversations about your relationship.

 

60 days is not enough to even begin to heal. And certainly not enough to break a 5 year toxic pattern.

 

Joy will return to your life as you look forward, not back -- as you learn to move on instead of holding on.

 

You can't see it now. Your heart says you can only be happy if she comes back. But it isn't true. In time, you will see. You can do this the easy way or you can do it the hard way. Begging is the hardest way. It will just make you hurt more, for longer.

[Jeffbobo]

Take one day and focus on taking everything that is hers, box it and/or pile it up in the driveway. Then tell her all of her things are in a pile in the driveway and she has two days to pick it up and after those two days have passed, whatever is still there will either donated or thrown out.

 

Next, take all photos that you have of her (physical and/or digital) and put them in a box. Tape it up tight and stash it in the attic, far from sight.

 

Then take anything else (shared things) that reminds you of her and throw them out or donate them.

 

Finally, get your arse out of the house and get busy so that you're not stuck just sitting there thinking about her. Always look forward.

 

What I'm telling you is not some BS that I've heard from someone else. What I'm telling you is from someone who's been where you're at. You have a long road ahead. Listen to people who have traveled it. There are no shortcuts but with help from others who've traveled it, the road can be paved.

[Jovahutc]

Yes, you are delusional. You need to cut the crap. Don't go crawling back to this toxic woman. I don't remember your post personally or anything, so I went back to your other threads. This woman treated you like garbage and also took your kid out of your life. Quit sucking up to her. I think it would be an awful idea of you to "beg" her to take you back. When you are in love with someone and they love you, you shouldn't have to beg them to be part of your life. This should be your first obvious clue that this woman has no feelings for you whatsoever.

 

 

 

Come on man, once again, cut the crap. She barely speaks to you and you take it as some huge hint she's into you! There is no connection. The only pain she probably feels is having to deal with talking to you because she doesn't have feelings for you anymore. She wants nothing to do with you anymore, and would probably prefer to keep you out of your daughters life as well.

 

From everything you posted in your previous threads, I don't know how or why this woman was given custody of your daughter. I think SHE (your daughter) should be your number one priority, NOT rekindling a romance with a nutjob woman whom you said punched you and "stabbed you". Are you so blinded by what you think is "love" that you have not done the proper things to gain custody of your daughter in the middle of all this drama?

 

My advice; get a good goddamn lawyer, do everything in your power to get one. Get custody of your daughter, and never speak to this woman again unless you absolutely have to. Give yourself time to recover and heal. And those clothes and things of her; throw them in the garbage or burn them. Man up and take responsibility to put your daughter in good hands. Quit bowing down to this woman. I don't want to make up facts to this story, I didn't read everything about it. But I'm willing to bet you are gullible to this woman and she took advantage of it in every way possible to gain custody of your daughter.

 

 

You are right, 100 percent. Kind of cold, but I needed to hear this. I need to accept this for what it is. It is cold and sometimes it hurts so bad that I become desperate and delusional. Sometimes I think I'm ok but then I shuffle back to this stage. I need to just stay in acceptance. And you're also right, I need to get rid of her things if she won't come get them. I'm going to ask her once more to get her things, and see what she says. I hadn't realized how much it feels like part of her is still there just because all her cloths and things are sitting right there in my living room packed up ready for her to take. I stared at them last night sitting there in my living room and it Invoked feelings, which I didn't think could happen.

[Jovahutc]

Take one day and focus on taking everything that is hers, box it and/or pile it up in the driveway. Then tell her all of her things are in a pile in the driveway and she has two days to pick it up and after those two days have passed, whatever is still there will either donated or thrown out.

 

Next, take all photos that you have of her (physical and/or digital) and put them in a box. Tape it up tight and stash it in the attic, far from sight.

 

Then take anything else (shared things) that reminds you of her and throw them out or donate them.

 

Finally, get your arse out of the house and get busy so that you're not stuck just sitting there thinking about her. Always look forward.

 

What I'm telling you is not some BS that I've heard from someone else. What I'm telling you is from someone who's been where you're at. You have a long road ahead. Listen to people who have traveled it. There are no shortcuts but with help from others who've traveled it, the road can be paved.

 

Thank you, you're right. I need to get of my ass and want to move forward. Easier said than done, but I'll keep trying.

[Jovahutc]

Some very valuable advice here thanks so Much for the support. I Was in the darkest place, and really needed it.