Sop23 Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 Ok so here's my story in brief. I got togther with this guy that I've known in passing for a few years. Everything was going great, but he seemed a bit reluctant to tell me sometimes what he was up to. His previous relationship he got her pregnant within a couple of months of meeting her. They decided to have an abortion. The relationship failed, but they apparently remained friends. Ok so I got togther with him and eventually he would tell me about his ex. How she was very controlling and would say she couldn't afford to eat, even though he said she was a weed smoker and always could seem to afford that. Though he refused to see that after I pointed that out. For some reason I became very paranoid about her. He would say in passing that she'd text him and it was always after we had put a couple picture up on facebook. I said she was jealous because she was regular about her contact as clock work, but again he passed it off. I told him it was her or me. He said he would and did change his number. Said he was getting rid of her. But then the lies began. He would tell me he was going to his mums and said the car he bought had hairs in it from the previous owner. He'd use whole cans of air freshener in it before I got in because he said he'd been smoking fags in it. Things weren't adding up. Anyway I got her phone number and typed it into his phone. It came up listed under Dad and reality hit. All the times he'd said he was going to his mums he was seeing her and hid her number under dad so I wouldn't get suspicious. He claims that he had been meeting up with her all along. Giving her money when she was broke (but still affording the weed) and just going for drives with her I'm his car. He said he continued their 'friendship' because he still felt guilty about the abortion. I told him about the ultimatum I gave him and the fact he chose her over me and he claims he chose us both. He says he wanted her as a friend and me as a girlfriend. He claims he didn't sleep with her. But she called to threaten me. She and he both say that he told her me and him had broken up. I asked why he said that and he told her as not to upset her. But we were together. He says he didn't sleep with her when he was with me and an email she sent suggested this. But I can't get over it. He's lied to me for 5 months! He claims he was bullied by her and would threaten things if he didn't respond to her. We are trying to rebuild but the trust is gone. I know he's not speaking to her anymore because I've seen evidence of this (at least i believe i have) But I can't get past the lies. It feels as if he didn't choose me when I gave him that ultimatum. My brain keeps going round in circles. Why would he do this knowing it would crush me? He claims he only realised how much I mean to him after I found out and he saw how upset I was. He says he would never lie to me again, but how do I know that? He found it so easy to before. Please help. Any advice right now would be greatly appreciated xx Link to comment
gebaird Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 He claims he only realised how much I mean to him after I found out and he saw how upset I was. He only realised how much you mean to him because you got upset? Maybe you should get upset more often. He says he would never lie to me again Yes, because when a liar says he'll never lie again, you can trust his word 100%. He said he continued their 'friendship' because he still felt guilty about the abortion. Has it crossed his mind that ruining a current relationship because of guilt about a past one will just add to his guilt? He claims he was bullied by her and would threaten things if he didn't respond to her. Does she have mafia ties or something? I told him about the ultimatum I gave him and the fact he chose her over me and he claims he chose us both. He says he wanted her as a friend and me as a girlfriend. It sounds more like he wants two girlfriends. How long had he and the ex been broken up when the two of you got together? Seems he never got over her, and your mistrust is understandable. I'd strongly consider walking away, as he clearly lacks integrity. Link to comment
Sop23 Posted September 8, 2016 Author Share Posted September 8, 2016 He only realised how much you mean to him because you got upset? Maybe you should get upset more often. Yes, because when a liar says he'll never lie again, you can trust his word 100%. Has it crossed his mind that ruining a current relationship because of guilt about a past one will just add to his guilt? Does she have mafia ties or something? It sounds more like he wants two girlfriends. How long had he and the ex been broken up when the two of you got together? Seems he never got over her, and your mistrust is understandable. I'd strongly consider walking away, as he clearly lacks integrity. They'd been broken up for only a few months before we got together. He rekons no part of him wanted her. I really want to believe him, but I have so much doubt. Link to comment
SkellyWoozle Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 This probably sounds harsh, but he's a lying, cheating pothead who has played you. Walk away and find someone who respects, loves and cares for you. Take some time out, learn to respect and care for yourself. Not all men are like him - there are very definitely some amazing ones out there. Just take your time. Good luck X Link to comment
SherrySher Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 He wanted you both. He has slept with her in the past and acted like he was still under her thumb when you and he got together..there was a reason for that and an abortion is not the entire reason. He feels some sort of connection with her for some reason and it was that important to him, that he lied to you in order to still be able to be with her. There is something he values about her remaining in his life. If that's not bad enough, he then lied to you numerous times and continued seeing her..to the degree if telling her that you and he were no longer together. (again, this is not for friendship sake). He can tell you any sort of story now, but the fact is, he's probably just hiding things better now. You can't trust this man and more so, this other woman is not going too far. I hope you can find the strength to get away from both of them..by the sounds of it, neither of them are worthwhile. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted September 9, 2016 Share Posted September 9, 2016 Maybe he sees her in person, you don't know this. It may be best to step out of this drama. I know he's not speaking to her anymore because I've seen evidence of this Link to comment
navyken Posted September 14, 2016 Share Posted September 14, 2016 Can't understand why you don't just send him on his way. Your not married. No kids. Why are you still with him? Don't you think you deserve better? Link to comment
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