Is he just being nice or was he interested?

[Clous9]

I am not sure if he was just being nice and courteous or if he might be interested. That's why I wanted to describe my situation here to get opinions:

I have gone on a date with this guy I met online. He is the same age as me (21). Initially, he seemed very interested -- he would send me quite long texts before our first date and he "sounded" excited while asking me out on a date. However, he started taking longer to respond to my texts later on as it was getting closer to our first date. He did say texting is not his medium of choice and he was moving to a new place, though. When we were on the date, he did not look that excited but he looked rather nervous. After we had dinner, he suggested we go for dessert. We ended up staying at the dessert place for 2 additional hours. But he looked at his watch multiple times and said "man, time flies by". I asked if he wanted to leave but he said "no". At the time I did not think he said it to be nice because there was a group of 10 college students sitting right behind us being loud and I thought he had a good excuse if he wanted to leave, but he said "no". He tried to compliment me saying I am a "warm person" and said we had something in common but I can't remember what it was anymore. He also said he liked the conversation when we were talking about the effect of accelaration on the distance between the neurons (we both are kind of nerdy) so I took it as a good sign. There was also some eye contact. He asked if I've ever been on a certain tour and said we should do it together. When we were parting, he hugged me (though it did not linger at all) and asked if he could see me again. I said "yes". He texted me 5 min after we parted saying "It was nice seeing you today It's been 2 days and I still haven't heard from him. I feel like he will not actually ask me out again because I am not sure if he actually liked me. Do you think he isn't actually interested but was just being nice when he extended the date and talked about a second date? Or am I being too patient? His semester has just started so I guess he could be busy but I never get how people get too busy for one text. And guys usually text within a date to set up a second date but this person did not. He also is online in social media but does not chat with me.

[Wiseman2]

These are both good signs, so is lingering a bit on the first date. Just give it some time.

asked if he could see me again. I said "yes". He texted me 5 min after we parted saying "It was nice seeing you today

[SkellyWoozle]

There's really no hurry. The fact he sent you a text right after suggests he meant what he said. If he's busy then this is probably why he's not been in touch yet. Give it time.... and dare I say it, don't stalk him on social media, you may end up looking for things that aren't there. Have patience, it's only been 2 days. Hope it all works out X

[Scoe141]

I wouldn't rely on texting. It's probably the worst form of 21st century communication when it comes to dating. As for the first meetup, I would say that he could have been nervous. It sounds like it went well.

 

That being said, I would't put too much stock in texting. I would go with the flow and not worry about anything.

 

Keep us posted.

[Clous9]

Thank you everyone for your kind responses! It's been 5 days and he still has not contacted me. I think that "It was nice seeing you today " might have actually been a wrap-up. I'm taking that he is not interested or he is at least *not that* interested. I thought of contacting him but now I feel weird about it; I think it's been a long time. I am also starting to slowly lose interest.

When we were at the dessert place, someone came to talk to us and asked if we were on a date and asked me if he paid for the dessert. Then we started talking about "who should pay in modern times" and I said it was not fair for the guys to pay. Then he said "I am trying to have a good time and if I need to pay more to have a good time, I will" So I feel like he may just be in it for "having a good time" and noting more really. Or maybe he actually enjoyed the date but not that much and doesn't think it's worth pursuing me; I don't know. But I take that he isn't really interested.

Again, thanks for your responses!

[Wiseman2]

Hmm... ok he may be multidating. Maybe he'll contact you again, maybe he was a one-and-done, which is pretty common. Just keep meeting guys in the meantime. Good Luck.

It's been 5 days and he still has not contacted me.

[Clous9]

yeah, I know for a fact that he is multidating because I happen to know a girl he dated a month before he asked me to meet. I was just hoping for a second date because I didn't think our first date was bad and he mentioned seeing each other again. But maybe he didn't mean it. I won't dwell on it any longer. Thank you, again!

[Clous9]

Oh, I think I was a little impatient. He texted me this noon asking if I would like to meet sometime soon. I asked when he would be available and he said any night this weekend and also next weekend. I am glad he contacted me and I'd like to meet but I'm not so happy he contacted me this Saturday to meet this weekend (or I guess next weekend). But I guess I shouldn't read into it this much.

[Wiseman2]

What did you tell him? Do you want to see him again?

Oh, I think I was a little impatient. He texted me this noon asking if I would like to meet sometime soon. I asked when he would be available and he said any night this weekend and also next weekend. I am glad he contacted me and I'd like to meet but I'm not so happy he contacted me this Saturday to meet this weekend (or I guess next weekend). But I guess I shouldn't read into it this much.

[Clous9]

I do want to see him again. I haven't told him anything yet. I was really planning to just study tomorrow and feel not-so-busy during the week but I also don't really want to wait until next weekend because I liked our interactions on the first date.

[Clous9]

Also, thank you very much, Wiseman2! It's nice to have someone to discuss these with

[Sportster2005]

I do want to see him again. I haven't told him anything yet. I was really planning to just study tomorrow and feel not-so-busy during the week but I also don't really want to wait until next weekend because I liked our interactions on the first date.

 

I think when a guy calls a girl to see if she wants to go out again, both should set up a time right there and then. Both of you now risk the other making alternate plans. Schedules can fill up pretty quick. I'm not a big fan of ambiguity when getting to know someone. Why introduce unnecessary risk?

[Clous9]

I think this is a good point of view. It is possible that we were both reluctant/shy to force the other one to commit. At least I felt that way. But if we were to mention a third date, I think I may just go ahead and ask 'when are you thinking?' or something along those lines.

Thank you for your input!

[Clous9]

So I have been to another date with this person and I think it went great. He texted "Thanks for such a wonderful time" right after the date and we kissed this time. He now wants to cook for me at his place and eat on the roof. It actually sounds like a very nice idea to me, and it feels more comfortable than eating at a restaurant but I am a little concerned about whether he expects sex. I am attracted to him and liked him as a person so far, however, from my experience, sex tends to get in the way of judgement by creating an artificial attachment. I don't want my decision making getting masked by this. One of my friends mentioned eating at home was code for sex and if he wants to have sex on a third date, maybe he is not that serious about me. I am not sure if the latter part is right, because when I teased him for not noticing the color of my eyes and jokingly made "tsk tsk" sound, he said "I guess you will be teasing for the next couple of years. I will be graduating and you will be back there going 'tsk tsk' ", which sounded like he could see us together in the long term (I am not sure if he actually meant it, of course). Although, he keeps texting/communication at a minimum between dates, which sometimes makes me question if he is serious. What are your thoughts on this? I think it is possible that he wants to have sex because last time he wanted to kiss my neck and feel me up a little bit (he did ask if he could touch me, though). But I think if he initiates sex and if I still think this way, I could just express that I am not ready. But I am still a little concerned about whether he would take it as an agreement to sex in case going over to his place is really a code for sex.

[chitown9]

I would do the dinner date at his home, but if he does become frisky all you need to do is speak up. Tell him that you don't move that fast. chi

[lucidious]

Dinner date sounds like a good idea. You guys will be eating on the roof so yall will be hanging there and not inside his place. That makes it less of a setting for sex. If he wants to go back inside, just hang out on the couch/chair or maybe suggest going for a walk. I would avoid hanging/lingering inside his place for a long period of time.