September is a Ways Away, Part II

[Ebullition]

Hi there Ena'ers

 

Just thought I'd update you on a situation I posted about a few months back....and I could certainly use some advice.

 

Long story short: My ex and I broke up in June. It was not expected but I handled myself with grace and dignity. I straight up asked her if we were "Done, done" and she said "Not necessarily but things would have to change". A couple weeks afterward, she had I had a long conversation were I said I realized that I did want to marry her (this had come up before several times) and that I was in the process of working through my resistance to the idea. She was floored and said that she would have to really think about everything. As the breakup was fresh, we decided to take some time to not speak until September to let the dust settle.

 

Until late July, when I got an over the top email from her where she yelled at me because she thought I was trying to date her friend. I wasn't. At first I was supremely bummed as I thought all hope was lost until I realized that if we were broken up why would she care what I was or wasn't doing. The display of emotion showed me that there were still some feelings there. I apologized for upsetting her as I had no intentions of doing so and we resumed NC.

 

Late last week we got back in touch and are planning on having dinner next week. I'm of several minds about this. On the one hand, knowing her the way I do, if she's "done" with someone she cuts them out entirely. If she had no interest in trying again why wait until a few months down the road to break the news? She knows how I feel about things. Furthermore, why take the time to go out to dinner when a simple phone conversation would do the job of "closure" with greater expediency and less hassle? On the other hand, she wants to return my stuff. We have been communicating via text so there's no real information available to indicate what direction things might go in.

 

Any thoughts? I'd appreciate it immensely.

[Wiseman2]

Seems like you'll find out more in person. Unfortunately returning your stuff, which she would have to do in person, sounds more like "closure" than reconciliation

Late last week we got back in touch and are planning on having dinner next week.On the other hand, she wants to return my stuff.

same girl?

[gebaird]

I'd be prepared for anything. She may want to try again, or she may be done, or she may want to put you in the friend zone (I would reject this offer if it comes up). Either way, do what you can to keep your dignity and don't be too attached to outcomes. The key here is choosing to be happy with or without her. Just don't let the anxiety of not knowing which way this might go overwhelm you!

[Ebullition]

Wiseman,

 

Thanks for commenting. Yes, that was my original post. And yes, getting my stuff back seems a little like closure but I still don't have enough info yet. I'm sure something will come to light when we meet up.

[Ebullition]

Gebaird,

 

Thanks for your input. I am quietly optimistic but totally ready for whatever comes down the pike. I will take a good or not good response but 'friendzone' is not my style. I've been doing a metric ton of self-work after we broke up and have really moved to a good place with myself. A friend of mine who's aware of the situation said "It's like night and day with you now and if she spends even 5 minutes with you she'll see that". So, that's all in my favor, whether we move forward or not.

[nihongo]

You said you realized that you didn't want to marry her. But you want to reconcile with her?