Girlfriend going to Ibiza with single girls

[Alistar99]

Hi need some advice, my girlfriend is currently in Ibiza with her 3 single friends, we have been together a year and a half. The first year was great we went on holiday to Rome and Paris. However the last 6 months have been very up and down we went to Spain last month and we broke up 2 days after we got back and have been on and off for the last 4 months. Back in may I had a lads holiday booked to Estonia for the weekend and 2 days before I was due to go we broke up and she said if was to go there was no chance for us. I cancelled the holiday to give us another chance. Well anyway this past month we got back together and she kept changing her mind about going to Ibiza. 4 days before she was due to go she came to my house after being with the girls she was meant to be going with and said she's wasn't going she'd done all that having been there 5 times before and she wanted to move out and get serious. Anyway the day she was meant to go she came into work ( we both work in he same office) and started messaging me saying I was possessive and controlling and we argued I asked her how she could change her mind on the last day after saying we would spend all week together both being off work. She told me she could never forgive me if she didn't go and all her close friends and family had told her to go and not waste money, anyway she went after stringing it along for months. Initially said it was over but then backtracked and told her to have a good time. However now I just feel like I've been walked all over. Any advice please?

[ParisPaulette]

Whenever a double standard comes in to a relationship it's time to end things and walk away. I'm sorry, but not okay that you had to cancel your trip, but she gets to go on hers.

 

I wouldn't be waiting when she got back if I were you. Never give up something you really want to do simply because someone else threatens you with "I'll leave if you do" when it's not something that's harmful, and no trips by yourselves with friends are not harmful.

 

If you stay expect more doormatting. I'm not trying to be harsh, but I think this has already walked it's way into her having no respect for you, but wanting to have total control over you. And that's not love.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this, it sounds like you canceled for her but then she refused to do the same for you. You work together? Do you also live together? The relationship sounds like it's been very rocky lately, what's all that about?

on and off for the last 4 months. Back in may I had a lads holiday booked to Estonia for the weekend and 2 days before I was due to go we broke up and she said if was to go there was no chance for us. I cancelled the holiday to give us another chance.

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[Alistar99]

She is 26 and I am 28 we don't live together no. The relationship is childish always playing games to wind each other up. Also she said to me on the day she went that if things were right between us she never would have gone. And I asked if the boot was on the other foot what would she have done and she said she would have ended things as soon as I booked it. It's got to the point where she has turned people in the office against me now by making me out to be controlling.

[Zippy2000]

Any advice? Yes! Finish it. Finish with this girl who is playing games with you/ Finish with her changing her mind all the time. Finish with her double standards while you cancelled yur holiday and she hasnt shown any compromise.

 

You need to forget about this girl and move on. Being in a relationship is about having fun, sharing experiences wth someone. There is nothing in your post to suggest this is the right person for you.

 

My advise is end it and take a holiday to Magaluf!

[Alistar99]

Is it a bit drastic to end it over this tho, I do love the girl and have invested a year and a half into this. And the first year was really good. I'm so torn what to do here, it will be hard letting go but I don't want to be treated like a fool in it.

[Doc Blaze]

don't be a doormat.

 

 

one of my exes used to be the same way but in a different situation. you will always be the bad guy.

[greta96]

Being in a relationship doesn't give anyone the right to control their partner and tell them what to do. Both partners are still individuals, and must have lives of their own, separate from the couple life. It's healthy.

With this said, she didn't have the right to tell you not to go and you shouldn't have cancelled your trip. I know you did it for her, but it's usually a good idea to stick to your guns and not be a doormat. Never cancel plans again only because someone else wants you to.

By the same token, it may not be fair because of what happened in the past, but you can't not let her go. And I wouldn't break up over this either.

[ThatwasThen]

As well as the unreasonable and control freaky double standard (she can go on holiday but if you do, well then goodbye forever) there is the fact that you two have broken up several times in the very short one and one half years.

 

You are with the wrong woman and please, do yourself the self-loving thing and break up with her FOR GOOD now so that you don't have to worry about what she's doing (or to whom) while she's away. Send her a message through email, facebook, text or the actual telephone. Don't even wait for her to come home so that she can do it to you.

 

I don't even know you or know why you two can't keep it together but I do know that you can do better in your romantic life then you have been doing with her. Hitch up your long pants and take back your personal power from her hands. She plays you like a Stradivarius!

[Zippy2000]

Is it a bit drastic to end it over this tho, I do love the girl and have invested a year and a half into this. And the first year was really good. I'm so torn what to do here, it will be hard letting go but I don't want to be treated like a fool in it.

 

Its not drastic. You already broke up with her for 2 days and on and off for 4 months.

 

Listen we can only givbe you advice. You dont have to take it but in my experience when I was in love with the wrong type of girl. It was my perception and my love that kept me with them. Im 42 now and I look back at the mistakes I ve made witht he wrong girls.

 

Girls who have wasted my time, girls who dis-respected me and walked over me like a door mat. I wasted so much time on the wrong girls I had missed my opportunities with some of the girls who were right for me but I couldnt let go.

 

It will be hard for you and I ve been there. Think about what you ant to do. Take time out. Take your bike out. Go for a drive into the country and think about what you want and where this si going to go. Think about all the tings you mentioned about and playing games and ask yourself.

 

Do I really need all this drama?

 

Then you`ll have your answer.