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Why does my ex girlfriend judge me for a fight we had?


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She broke up with me to focus on school, and I overreacted. She wanted to be friends with me but after I yelled at her she doesn't want to speak. I know I shouldn't have yelled at her and respected her decision because she was nice about the breakup, but why can't she forgive me? I didn't say anything horrible to her like a f**cking b*tch or anything I just yelled at her. In our relationship I never yelled at her or got too angry and always tried to be as nice as possible and compliment and support her. So why does she judge me for the last thing I said to her when I didn't mean anything I said to her and was never like that before? I understand that people just don't get over negative things being said to them, but why does one bad fight bring down everything good I said to her? I could really use some help because she broke up with me over 2 months ago and I still think about her everyday and see her in school where she doesn't seem effected by it at all.

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It sounds like she wanted an amicable breakup or friendzone, but when you overreacted she decided to just end it. It's best to go no contact anyway, because she gave you her reasons, which seem valid.

She broke up with me to focus on school, and I overreacted. She wanted to be friends with me but after I yelled at her she doesn't want to speak.
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Yelling indeed doesn't solve anything or help us come out gracefully of anything. Sometimes one needs to break up with someone, it can be a valid decision - and not personal at all. I once also broke up or rejected someone not because I didn't like him, but simply because I had a very tough phase in school and needed my mind to stay cold and sharp like a laser beam. I just couldn't afford a romance making me all giddy and losing my focus. I was nice about it, and he accepted it with grace, certainly without yelling. Later on some months I discovered that inside he actually did take it personally and thought that I didn't like him - and that made me sad. Oh well. Sometimes we make personal decisions because we have to, it has little to do with everyone else.

 

Did you apologise to her for the yelling? Perhaps if you do, you'll feel better - even regardless of what she does or does not respond. I usually feel better about myself if I did something I think was wrong and then apologise for it.

 

And it doesn't "bring everything down". I'd say sorry and move on from it, because we are all human and make mistakes and lose our tempers sometimes. It is good to learn and not do that, but it isn't good to keep judging yourself (or feeling like she judges you for it, which you don't know). And it does not cross out the good times you had with her. You are a human like all of us, so take a note of that, and move on.

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