I don't know what went wrong

[Davau]

I'm a shy person, and it's not easy for me to make friends. In Freshman year of high school, I had only a small group of close friends. One of those friends was a boy I will call "Z". He was one of the only people I felt like I could really connect with. Our minds just seemed to work and think the same way and I really liked that about him. I developed an on-and-off crush on him that would not seem to ever go away completely, and it stayed like that for nearly three years until the end of my Junior year. At that point, I was in an educational program for Juniors and Seniors that allows them to take high school and college classes simultaneously, so I was not at school with my friends as often anymore. Z was in the same program, but we didn't have any of the same classes and rarely saw each other that year, save walking past each other between 5th and 6th period. About two weeks before the school year ended, I worked up the courage to finally confess my feelings to him. He said he never thought of me that way before, but he seemed completely willing to give it a shot and we set a date.

 

A couple days before the date, he seemed to disappear off the face of the earth. He stopped texting me, and I didn't see him on my way to 6th anymore, but my best friend, "A", said she still saw him at school like normal. The day of the date passed, and I started to get concerned (and frankly, a little pissed since it was clear he was avoiding me). I finally got to confront him right after a school assembly, and he told me that he had depression, and that he was going to kill himself after our date, but he wanted to make me happy once before ending his life, but his family got him on antidepressants just in time. I was completely shocked, and even freaked out. I wasn't sure how to handle the fact that he was so close to not being there anymore. He then proceeded to tell me that he wasn't interested in going on a date anymore, but we could still be friends. I was mostly okay with that (albeit a little disappointed since I had wanted to date him for so long), but at least he was alive and recovering, which is what mattered most to me.

 

The school year ended, and I texted him a couple times to see how he was doing and if he wanted to hang out. No response. I did this a couple more times over summer break just to check up on him. Still no response. At this point, a small part of me was getting concerned that he might not even be alive, but for the most part I was upset that he was still trying to avoid me. I vented some of my frustrations to A, but she didn't have his number so she couldn't help persuade him to speak to me again.

 

Now the new school year has started. I'm still in the college program so I'm not going to the high school for classes, and I rarely have any reason to go there. A says she's seen him at school and he seems totally fine, even better than before, but he's not in the college program anymore. At this point, I just want to know why he's trying so damn hard to avoid me. I don't want to go to the school, track him down, and confront him again. And I certainly don't want A to do it for me. All I can do is wait for him to talk to me on his own, but I don't think he ever will. He's clearly willing to throw our friendship down the drain because of this mystery issue he has with me. Based on his behavior, he seems more likely to keep avoiding me until he forgets I ever existed rather than face the problem. I've been wracking my brain for some way to get around this. I just want to know what went wrong.

[gebaird]

It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. He just doesn't seem to be that into you -- not because of something wrong with you, but just that combination of great chemistry and "sparks" that isn't always present between two people.

 

I'd let him go and focus your emotional energy on someone more willing and able to reciprocate your feelings.

[Anon18150]

This sounds a little like he didn't want to date you is all. He may have thought he did but felt a little weird about it

[James516]

It's no mystery, he is not interested in dating you, and is too much of a coward to just say that at any point. Hence, he is avoiding you completely rather than act like a man.

 

There are always going to be people open to dating you and others who will not. It's a part of life. Which is why it's important to focus on more than just one person at the beginning.

 

But it also doesn't appear that any amount of reality will get you out of the clouds. Even if you were to "confront" him he would probably go as far as to agree to a date, then repeat the cycle. This isn't even the behavior of a friend. However, if you can maintain contact without any hope or want of dating, send a text stating that you are no longer interested in dating him but would like the friendship to continue. That may get him out of hiding.

 

I don't recommend that, his actions show he is best to keep at a distance from instead of getting caught up in his drama, but it seems like you want at least friendship contact.

[SkellyWoozle]

Sorry to say, but he doesn't want to go out with you but hasn't got the balls to tell you. Maybe before, his depression was the reason he couldn't be with you, but now he's on the road to recovery, has a new/better life (and I don't mean without you in it!) and is happy with his lot. Chasing after him won't help - in fact it will probably just annoy him. You never know, you might just see him "around". In which case, say hello and see what happens. Depression is a crappy thing and changes people in a lot of ways - for the bad and for the good. Take care X