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Trying to not mess it up with someone who isn't a texter, help please!


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Hello everyone, thank you for taking your time to read this!


I was working a gig not too long ago and met someone there, we started talking for a short period of time, and she seemed really comfortable chatting and volunteering things/keeping the conversation going.

The next day we worked, I asked her out to grab something to eat after our shift. We spent only an hour at the restaurant because it was super packed and she has paperwork to finish before school started. During the time we were eating, we kept very good eye contact, shared plenty of laughs, and she volunteered a lot about herself. She seemed very happy with our conversation, we exchanged questions back and forth (not interrogating of course). We learned a lot about each other. I was walking her to her car and was planning on getting her number when we got there, before saying our fair wells for the evening. She beat me to it by asking for mine after we left the restaurant. I take this as a sign she is interested. We shared our plans for the evening, her doing paperwork for school, and me waiting to hear back from my friend about going out that night.


Fast forward to the next day, we shared a couple of glances and smiles during our shift. On our way out, we shared our evening from the night prior. She seemed fairly interested in what my friend and I did last night, we went to a bar for a few drinks and enjoyed music. She voiced her interest in going with us sometime, and volunteered her own night's events as well and expressed that she's not a good texter and apologized for the lack of texting.

We stood by her car for a bit just talking, she was headed to nursing school and is stressful for her. I am starting school as well the same time. We talked about hanging out sometime while we're going to school, didn't make plans because she's going to be busy. She was comfortable enough to tell her about some things she has going on.


We don't exchange text much, but I commented on the pizza we had at work (I know, stupid, was trying to strike up a convo). She replied back later, and finished the text off with something along the lines of "I'm glad you were there".

Here's my dilemma, I've never really connected with someone before that isn't a texter, and I want to put in the effort to make things work with her. She's a really interesting and fun girl to be around, even though we haven't known each other for all that long. My issue is, how do I go about this without driving her away, or make it seem like I'm clingy by texting her. I've only sent her 2 texts since then, once asking her how her day went on the first day of classes (she was rushing around that day), and on Friday to say hello.


How should I approach this? I don't have too much experience in the dating realm, and DEFINITELY not in the area where there isn't ample communication. To me it seems like she's interested. I have no issues with her not texting, and not seeing her often. I've had a lot of friends that's gone through nursing school so I know how difficult/busy it is.


I was thinking about shooting her a text next week after classes are done to see if she wants to grab dinner and get away from studying for a few hours.


TL;DR - I met a girl who I assume is interested, but is not a texter and is going through school right now. I don't want to screw things up with her, how should I go about it?

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I'd steer clear of small talk in text messages. If you do text her, make sure you have a purpose -- like wanting to get together, or wanting to talk on the phone.


I have a good friend who is the same way, and it can be tough. We solved the problem by finding places in our schedules when we can talk on the phone (like when we are both driving to or from work).

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I loathe mobile phones. Period. For all sorts of reasons; but I recognise they do have their uses and that's why I've got one. Texting is a terrible way to try and build up an intimate relationship; it's very easy to misinterpret the messages unless they're purely factual - as gebaird says, use text for scheduling time together, but not for exchanging anything meaningful. Your contact will be much more rewarding if you arrange to talk on the phone and meet face-to-face. You will also have much more of a handle on how things are progressing when you can actually see and hear the other person.


I hear what you say about wanting a lot of communication - but you may just find that quality time will far outweigh the crumbs which texting actually gives you.


Good luck!

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Hey guys, thanks for the responses. I know that she's not a texter, and it's not for everyone. I'm perfectly okay with that, for me personally everyone that I've talked to are frequent texters. I didn't want to seem clingy or pushy by messaging her, I've backed off from texting after realizing that texting isn't for everyone. It's definitely something I want to work on and not ruin things with her. I agree with you guys as well, I do appreciate quality time face to face over texting. In today's age texting and for people our age (25), a lot revolve around texting, and those who don't text are the odd ones out.

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