2 1/2 Years Down the Drain

[Veruca]

Our love story started in 2008 when we met on a dating site. We met and got along great. Had the best connection. Only thing we lived two hours away from eachother. We ended up dating different girls. But in the beginning of hers, she and I spelt together twice.

She was always on my mind. Even during the almost 5 years with my ex-gf. After that break up, I messaged her on social media. She said she was living in the other side of the country. She asked me to move there with her, and as all lesbian relationships go, I did. Within two months of talking again. Things weren't perfect, we had our issues. But we were in love, and we grew stronger together. In the past few months before our breakup. She was talking of marriage. She even picked out our wedding song.

Fast forward to June. We were miserable living in the city we have been for 2 1/2 years and decided to move south. She went first, and I thought things were fine. Until my birthday she seemed distant. She told me the next day that she didn't want to live together when I came down. That she wanted to date me, take me out, etc. I agreed. As it was moving in, work and money stresses right away when I first moved in with her.

 

When I made it down, she picked me up from the airport and gave me the greatest hug. And was all lovey to me.

She took me to a concert for my bday present and we had an amazing time. We did a few more things together like getting pedis and went shopping. I spent the night at her house once. Before we woke up she had her arm around me just like we used to do. Beginning of August, it went downhill. Stopped saying "love you" or calling eachother nicknames. She said she did love me, but didn't feel the way it should be when you're in love with someone. She blamed work stress, or depression.

Last weekend, she came over to my place crying. I was crying. We laid in my bed and held eachother and cried. She held my hand. After she left I texted her to ask her what that was, and she replied she didn't know, but that she did love me, and missed me. And wanted to talk to me the next day.

The next day, she avoided me till 5pm when she finally came over. And was being so cold. We sat on my bed and all she said was "I still cry too". She hardly said anything. She left. Then a couple days later, I asked if she was seeing anyone. Why else would she be acting so cold. She said she wanted a "serious break" and just wants friends and no commitments. She blamed that we always bickered and she didn't want to see me because we always fought. I decided to remove her from social media and go NC.

It was two days before she noticed I removed her as a friend, and I explained I couldn't bare to see her move on. That my heart was broken. She replied that "she doesn't do anything fun". It's been two days since she texted me.

Now I have panic attacks when I try to sleep. I have dreams of her and that we are together, I wake up and it's just loneliness. I've lost 15 lbs since our problems started.

 

Please any advice. I am trying to NC, but I have a strong sense she's not doing well either. She's told me she has been having stomach issues and I do worry for her. Just want to know why she's so cold to me after such a loving relationship. My life has been turned upside down.

Help. (Sorry for the novel.)