Writing on the wall?

[PICCOLLO]

Met a girl and went out for drinks, got on well, stayed until late when I had to leave to get some sleep for work.

 

Stopped by at her birthday drinks, bought her a couple of drinks. I cheekily kissed her. It got heavy for a few minutes. I left after a couple of hours as I felt I was intruding somewhat, with all her friends around.

 

Went for a bushwalk the following week, I tried to kiss her. She laughed and couldnt stop. She texted later and apologised for making it awkward, explaining she was just a bit rocked after several failed relationships. I replied I understood and that I was happy to take it slow.

 

Met again, had dinner then went to my house for coffee, kissed again, stayed up late talking, holding hands, hugging, etc. she messaged me straight after saying how much she enjoyed the night.

 

Walked her dog the next day. Went to kiss her and was met with a closed mouth response, twice. No explanation.

 

Since then she's been tardy with any texts. Im not getting a great vibe.

 

Im reading it as perhaps she's confused and not ready for anything that might evolve into a relationship? Her texts last week were always apologetic, or made reference to 'scaring me away' but now its been over 24 hours without reply. Shes been on Facebook regularly over that period. (Text sent on Messenger) Generally she replies within hours.

 

Thoughts?

[musicman777]

Ditch this woman. A woman that REALLY wants to be with you and is into you isn't going to push away from kissing you, CLASSIC freaking sign of her not being interested right there. It can be for whatever reason, but you are ultimately wasting your time even thinking about it. Don't worry about it . Find someone who is willing to open up to you and actually give you a shot at kissing and more.

[PICCOLLO]

Yeah I agree. She didnt push away. She kissed me closed mouthed on the lips. Never had that happen before. Im told some people kiss that way but I took it as a kind of rejection.

[SherrySher]

Yes, from a womans point of view, if she is into you she won't be giving you a closed mouth response or lagging on replying to you.

She is either confused or changed her mind. Best thing you can do now is sit back and wait for a response, anything else at this point will be pushy and will drive her further away.

[PICCOLLO]

I think she has changed her mind. Im just going to leave it. If she does reply, I dont think theres anything she could say at this stage that would make me want to pursue anything further with her. Given Im looking for a relationship, I probably should have seen the early red flag of being dumped recently and left her alone.

 

Sometimes its hard to see through the dating games and know if theyre playing hard to get or not interested.

 

Thanks for the reply.

[SherrySher]

Don't take it too personally though, it does sound as though she was no where near ready for a relationship due to the recent failed ones.

[Sportster2005]

I think she has changed her mind. Im just going to leave it. If she does reply, I dont think theres anything she could say at this stage that would make me want to pursue anything further with her. Given Im looking for a relationship, I probably should have seen the early red flag of being dumped recently and left her alone.

 

Sometimes its hard to see through the dating games and know if theyre playing hard to get or not interested.

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

The thing is, playing hard to get or disinterested are both good reasons not to continue.

 

I would back completely off. Be graceful and cool. If she changes her mind, she might, she'll let you know. When a woman is showing mixed signals the worse they you can do is get frustrated and pursue. The smartest thing is always back off. Shows strength and you're a man with options that won't be toyed with.

[ThatwasThen]

Im reading it as perhaps she's confused and not ready for anything that might evolve into a relationship? Her texts last week were always apologetic, or made reference to 'scaring me away' but now its been over 24 hours without reply

 

Can you elaborate on the statement "scaring her away." What led up to that because it sounds like you have been coming on too strong to her and she's gotten the jitters now so she's fading on you. Or: Did she mean that she was scaring you away? It's not clear whose comment that was ~ yours or hers.

 

What happened to make her say that?

[Ms Darcy]

Failed relationship is just an excuse. She's not interested. Keep it moving.

[PICCOLLO]

Can you elaborate on the statement "scaring her away." What led up to that because it sounds like you have been coming on too strong to her and she's gotten the jitters now so she's fading on you. Or: Did she mean that she was scaring you away? It's not clear whose comment that was ~ yours or hers.

 

What happened to make her say that?

 

She said that SHE was scaring me away.

It was in reference to the night of her birthday. I said I had to leave because I had work early the next day and had to get a few hours sleep. She didnt want me to go and got a little frustrated about it. I messaged her 24 hours later to see how the night had gone. She then said oh hey, I thought I might have scared you away."

[PICCOLLO]

The thing is, playing hard to get or disinterested are both good reasons not to continue.

 

I would back completely off. Be graceful and cool. If she changes her mind, she might, she'll let you know. When a woman is showing mixed signals the worse they you can do is get frustrated and pursue. The smartest thing is always back off. Shows strength and you're a man with options that won't be toyed with.

 

Completely agree.

[PICCOLLO]

Failed relationship is just an excuse. She's not interested. Keep it moving.

 

 

Ive met genuine ppl who are affected by failed relationships. Im one of them. Often it takes you a while to warm to the idea of a new relationship. Sometimes you have to dip your foot in to know if you're ready or not. In this case though, id say you're on the money.

[Ms Darcy]

Ive met genuine ppl who are affected by failed relationships. Im one of them. Often it takes you a while to warm to the idea of a new relationship. Sometimes you have to dip your foot in to know if you're ready or not. In this case though, id say you're on the money.

 

It can definitely happen. But yeah in this case, it doesn't seem like it.

[PICCOLLO]

Just to bring things to a conclusion, she eventually replied. I responded by saying I had enjoyed spending time with her but her mixed signals (eg, closed mouth kiss) meant that I was going to leave things as we weren't on the same page with where we wanted things to go.

 

Her reply was:

 

Ummm ok.. Perhaps I don't feel comfortable pashing in public..

I enjoyed hanging out as well. Like I said in the beginning I didn't want to rush into anything as I was happy getting to know you and hanging out. I'm sorry I was giving you mixed messages but I was trying not to lead you on when I am unsure as to what I want.

[SherrySher]

At least she was finally honest and told you that she wasn't sure what she wanted..now it makes sense why she behaved as she did. Confused and unsure.

It is not the best place to start a relationship on.

[PICCOLLO]

At least she was finally honest and told you that she wasn't sure what she wanted..now it makes sense why she behaved as she did. Confused and unsure.

It is not the best place to start a relationship on.

 

Yeah, Im glad she finally expressed her hesitancy verbally rather than through her actions. We've spent an extended period of time together now, enough to be dispensing with games, etc. We had fun; ill chalk it down to a nice experience and move on.

[lostandhurt]

The thing is if she wasn't sure what she wanted she shouldn't have been dating in the first place.

 

I have been in your shoes before and it sucks to have it going pretty well only to have it end because the other person doesn't know what they want.

 

Such is a life of dating...

 

Lost