ProfessorPj Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 Okay so I have a question. I have been with the same girl for 5 years and we are engaged. She was staying at my place for the weekend and we had been literally having one of the best times we have had in awhile. We both go to bed.... I wake up around 3:30am unable to breathe, I have congestion and swollen sinuses as well as athsma so I sit up and get into the restroom where I proceed to blow my nose and use my rescue inhaler and some afrin. I go back into the bedroom keeping the lights off to try to find any mucinex because these solutions are barely helping which is putting me into a panic, so admittedly I was a little loud. Unable to find any I ran a hot shower which helped. Upon getting out I go back to the bedroom and my fiance is not there... I go to the den where I see her, back facing me on the couch. "I'm okay now." I started "You can come back to bed now." She turned toward me, INCREDIBLY IRRITABLE and said. "I'm sleeping out here. I don't want to listen to you throw a fit ans sniffle all night or I wont be able to sleep." This broke my heart because I know that if places were switched I would have been in the restroom with her. I went, got my blanket and decided that I would join her in the den because hey, we barely get weekends together and I just want to BE with her ya know? She tells me to leave. I get up, feeling even more broken. Then as a last attempt I ask "Can you please come to bed babe?" She loses it. She gets up, starts packing all of her things telling me about how I was throwing a fit and bam she leaves my place at 4:15am. I'm all about quality time. That is my love language I was looking forward to waking with her, having breakfast, and seeing her off for the day tomorrow. Now I am sitting on my couch heartbroken at 5am. So my question is this. Not who is right and who is wtong but. What the happened? Was that an overreaction on both of our parts? How should I approach her about it? Could her behavior be hinting at something else? (Infidelity, disinterest, loathing of me) Thanks everyone. Im just so sad she saw no other way if solving this than to up and leave. Looking back I wish I had just ed off and slept in my bed. Like my dad always said. "Hindsight is 20/20" Link to comment
Lisii Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 Gosh, but you were sick.. Is she normally a compassionate person? 'cause I couldn't even be friends with a person who treats someone like that.. In the 5 years that you have been together has she ever reacted like this? Does she work shifts or is she under any stress? Is she not a morning person? Wow imagine if you had kids.... Link to comment
ControlDenied Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 This is sign of your future life together. And how you address it is also a sign of your future life together. This is what happened in my opinion. She doesn't have compassion, it is all about her. It is all about her needs and what you do fulfill them. She was basically incapable of detecting you were in trouble. Then your behavior prooved it as she acted like an ass and you still followed here like a puppy dog. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 Yes. I think she saw a future of you waking her up and schnozzing all over the place and didn't like the vision. do you tend to have these episodes often? Link to comment
Lester Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 Hard to tell without more details from the proceeding months/years. Link to comment
musicman777 Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 OP, I feel you. I have asthma and severe allergies. Had them all my life, although not to the extremes you have them but when I was young I had it bad. Now, I've never been engaged or married. But I'd like to think that is another phase in "trying someone out" before marriage. When you get engaged, you're past the puppy-love bullcrap and getting very serious, getting to know every aspect of that other person before actually tying the knot. It sounds like you are really getting to know this woman you promised to marry. And her true colors, they aren't all that nice. She should be compassionate and understanding that you can't help being sick and suffer from asthma. Now, I totally understand someone getting annoyed by such things such as being sick. But there were much different ways to handle such a scenario. If she was annoyed, she should have slept on the couch or something and at least showed some compassion to you. Yes. I think she saw a future of you waking her up and schnozzing all over the place and didn't like the vision. do you tend to have these episodes often? I agree with that statement. OP, do you have these kinds of episodes a LOT? Sicknesses, asthma, bedtime fits? Maybe she finally got pushed to the limit. STILL HOUGH... If someone LOVED you, I think they would, I don't know, talk about such an issue instead of blowing a fit and barging out the door at 4AM, sounds very childish. I do have a feeling that there is more going on here than meets the eye. I don't think someone would truly walk out of a committed relationship and engagement over such a stupid thing. Maybe you two have been having problems, maybe it is something secretive on her part. I don't know. But if it's not working, maybe it's time to end things. Yes, sad to call of an engagement. But better to figure things out now then after you become married. I can promise you one thing; leaving will be a lot harder after being married than it is now. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 She tried to sleep on the couch but he came in that room when he should have left her alone to go back to sleep. If I were him then I would have apologised for disturbing her and then let her be. She's a big girl and she would have come back on her own when she was ready. I believe she's fed up with his neediness. At least she was that night anyway. Op your looking for reasons why this happened and that is what I see was going through her mind. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 She tried to sleep on the couch but he came in that room when he should have left her alone to go back to sleep. If I were him then I would have apologised for disturbing her and then let her be. She's a big girl and she would have come back on her own when she was ready. I believe she's fed up with his neediness. At least she was that night anyway. Op your looking for reasons why this happened and that is what I see was going through her mind. I am with you in this TWT ...op .. with kindness ....you have your sh1t going on ... she accepts that or she wouldn't be with you ..but she needed to sleep , I am more her type of personality .. get on with what you have to do , but leave me the hell alone to sleep ..we need sleep ... a romantic weekend doesn't mean you have to be glued to each other every second ... she just wanted to sleep mate ... I would have hit the roof when you followed her into the lounge to sleep there as well just so you slept together ..come on ... everyone is judging her as a heartless monster ..dear god , that was nothing , you would be wearing your bollox for earrings if that had been me . Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 I'm sleeping out here. I don't want to listen to you throw a fit and sniffle all night. What about that statement made you think you would be welcome out there in the same room with her, Professor? Lol as at the ear rings analogy pippy. Link to comment
Gimpyrks Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 It really sounds like she isn't very understanding. And you just have to decide if that is something you can live with. Remember wedding vows do say "in sickness and in health" sounds like she can't do that pet very well. It's hard to throw 5 years of your life out the window, just something you have to think long and hard about Link to comment
j.man Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 She needed sleep and you weren't letting her have any. What is she supposed to do? Deal with staying awake at since 3:30am because for some reason you see yourself wheezing and coughing up phlegm next to her while 95% of America is sleeping in peace as "quality time?" You didn't give her a choice but to leave if she wanted a second opportunity to wake up at a respectable hour. Really, at 5 years in, you should be well past the blind romance phase where you might think it's "cute" to share in the misery of sickness. In my relationship, while we usually don't sleep in separate beds unless it's something harsh like a flu, if one of us does have a cold or something that has us getting out of bed frequently, sneezing, or causing whatever other disruptions, we'll sleep separately. It's a courtesy thing and you're not any less a couple for not sleeping in the same bed that one night. But given that it's not even the afternoon-of yet, I think you're being a bit dramatic. She needed to sleep, she left. Let it boil over. Assuming other matters are going well, I can't see this bringing doom to a 5-year relationship. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 you're not any less a couple for not sleeping in the same bed that one night. ^^^ That is what you need to read and let sink in op . Link to comment
ProfessorPj Posted September 5, 2016 Author Share Posted September 5, 2016 Update: I actually do not have episodes like this often. She usually does not go off on me like this. And also, I did admit that looking back I would have just left her alone. Thanks everyone. Link to comment
Lester Posted September 6, 2016 Share Posted September 6, 2016 An update on what..., your allergies? "she leaves my place at 4:15am..." "She usually does not go off on me like this." There's a lot you're overlooking or a lot you don't understand. Either way, marriage won't fix it. Link to comment
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