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Why has he suddenly dissappeared?


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I met this guy online, and we texted for months before meeting up. When we met up it was amazing and we met up many more times and established that we where in a relationship. He would say all these nice things all the time like "I'm so glad I met you" and complimenting me etc. He said I'm the only girl he's invited to his house more than once. We would see eachother regularly and when we didn't we'd face time. I heard from a friend that he had been saying all these things to another girl so i messaged him asking him asking where I stood and are we exclusive etc, it was in no way argumentative I just explained that I didn't want to end up hurt. He proceeded to say that was completely untrue however he didn't even know if he wanted a relationship which confused me since he said previously that we where in one. I said i understood and that it was fine, he said "thanks for understanding because most girls wouldn't". We then went on to have a completely normal text conversation, he was replying in minutes then suddenly he didn't. That was weeks ago. I have never ever texted/contacted him since he didn't reply. He doesn't like my pictures like he used to or anything. I'm just so confused and I feel like I've been used. He really seemed to care so much about me but if he really did he would have contacted me, right? Why would someone do this. How can he go from apparently liking me so much (we where introduced to eachother's parents) to just suddenly not caring at all?

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Sadly, it looks like what your friend told you about him messaging another girl was the truth. It sounds like he met someone else.

Sorry this happened.


Maybe next time don't message for so long and instead meet up with them after about two weeks or less of messaging one another. That way you won't build up any false feelings for someone who, in reality is just a stranger.


Feel better soon.

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Easy: because he didn't like you as much as he let you believe (and please do not think of this as something that has to do with you!), and he was saying and doing the exact same thing with others (your friend was bang on). He was just one of the thousands of players one will find on those sites, and not the right guy for you.

In my opinion, the only mistake you made was texting for months before meeting up. Next time, try to meet within a week-10 days max, and keep the texting to a minimum until then, to avoid getting attached to people not worth getting attached to. Did you have sex soon after you met?

Actually no, the other mistake you made was telling him you understood, when he told you he "didn't know if he wanted a relationship". There was nothing to understand, he had led you on and you should have been mad, like, fuming. He had lied to you and had you be intimate with him under false pretenses - by pretending he was in an exclusive relationship with you and all that jazz. You should have told him right then and there to never contact you again, and blocked him.


I wouldn't say you were used, but you were definitely lied to. He led you to believe you were in an exclusive relationship, while he was still actively chatting up other women online. Unfortunately, this is a common occurrence lately, it goes with the territory of online dating. You will need to tweak your approach a little bit - do not let months go by without meeting, not even one month, and even after meeting, even if you two get along like a house on fire keep your wits about you, do not let yourself swayed by pretty words and future faking, and have the conversation about intent early on; "I don't know if I want a relationship" seems to be the "in" phrase these days, it is being used on a large scale and usually after sex has taken place. So, in order to minimize the odds of hearing it again, keep sex out of the equation long enough to make sure you two are on the same page expectations-wise, and the guy shows you with ACTION (not words, words are meaningless) that he's there to stay.


I'm sorry this happened to you, but it too shall pass, give yourself time to heal and look at what happened as a learning experience, and not something horrible - because at the end of the day, you're better off without this time waster.

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Guys disappearing online, unfortunately has become the norm these days. Since most of the time, online relationships are built on texting, thus preventing real connections from developing and as a result, there is no bonding. These days at the first sign of the slightest dislike of anything, they just cut and run.


And for the most part, online dating has really ruined romance. It is a direct result of the cesspool atmosphere that it has created. Gone are the days when people actually stuck around and get to know one another. And I also believe that most people involved in online dating comes with an agenda, and when it is not met, they bailed and head for the hills. I know that it is really hard not to blame oneself....but it is not you, as most are not looking for a bona fide relationship. Instead, they are just looking for their egos to be fed.


Just chalk this unfortunate experience up to frat behavior from coming from adults who think that they suddenly desirable, based on responses from a bunch of online profiles.

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Sadly, he was enjoying the company of two women and when you called him out on that he decided to simply run. He apparently enjoys "the game" and is busy lining up someone else to do that too. Some people do that, because it stokes their ego, but they don't like it when someone confronts them. If he were innocent he wouldn't have disappeared, so his sudden absence kind of says it all.


All I can tell you is to block and delete him, give yourself time to heal and look back. You'll likely see red flags or little things that you missed before, but yeah it's crappy when it happens. I've had it done, but the good news is you will recover and learn from it.


Please just don't ever respond back if he suddenly comes around with some half-baked excuse about how he got scared of his feelings or this or that, because he will do the same thing again. It's a certain level of coldness to pull that and the guy you want by your side wouldn't ever do that in the first place.


I'm sorry this has happened. But his silence says he's lost interest in the game and isn't interested in hearing anything, but his own version of the truth, which yes he knows is a lie.

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