Shy Girl Ignores/is awkward to me in school but not over phone

[Birch123]

There is this primarily shy girl that I like at my school (we're both sophomores) and she is often very cheerful over the phone but not at all in school. I had asked her out on a date late in my freshmen year and she said she would think about it. She said no though (she was honestly very busy with trips, something I didn't realize and apologized for) and once or twice we had text, long conversations over the summer.

But now in the school year I see her once or twice a day and she often says as little as possible (not more than hello and such) but almost always ignores me in the hall, attempting to avoid my perception. Our texts were normal talking and discussions. Her best friend says if they have the same mindset, which she thinks they do, then I'm most likely not her type but says I'm a decent, humble guy.

I am very formal unlike most others and I'm wondering, is she just nervous to talk to me now that I had revealed my feelings for her or does she just not want to talk to me in person in fear of leading me on? Or maybe she's unsure? Or something else?

P.S. She uses full sentences and proper punctuation as do I when we text. I've heard this is a good sign, though she generally hangs out with the normal people unlike me.

[Wiseman2]

Stop being her text buddy/phone pal. That way she'll have something to talk about in person with you. :surprise:

 

If you want to date her don't do friendzone stuff like be her male gal-pal on the phone and then let her ignore you in person and turn you down for dates.

she is often very cheerful over the phone but not at all in school. I had asked her out on a date late in my freshmen year and she said she would think about it.Our texts were normal talking and discussions.

[gebaird]

... she generally hangs out with the normal people unlike me.

 

Where do you find these so-called "normal" people? I've heard rumors about them, but I think they may just be a myth

 

My high-school aged daughter is extremely shy. There are various reasons for shyness, but I think the theme for my daughter is perfectionism. She subscribes to Abraham Lincoln's theory: "Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." She's a completely different person in some settings than she is in others. When she was younger, I didn't even know she was shy (because at home she was very bubbly and outgoing).

 

The thing to remember about shy girls is that their emotions can be very close to the surface. My daughter is easily overwhelmed and hates when extroverted people talk down to her about her shyness (their intentions aren't bad, but it comes across as insulting to her). Your shy girl may be feeling a lot under the surface, and perhaps avoiding you helps her keep the emotions in check. Maybe she worries about people's perceptions if they saw the two of you together (again, that perfectionism thing -- wanting to appear "perfect" or at least be thought of positively by others).

 

It can take a while to get through an introvert's walls and into her heart, but they tend to be incredibly loyal and devoted. I think the fact that she talks cheerily with you on the phone is a good sign. I'd suggest asking her on another date, and if she says no don't take it personally.

[moodindigo91]

I don't know. It sounds like she has friend zoned you and you kind of happily stayed in the friend zone hoping it would develop into something else. When you talk on the phone, what do you talk about? Have you asked her for another date at all? Maybe bring the subject up while you are on the phone with her, since that's when she seems to be more open with you.

 

In my experience though, shy or not, a girl who will talk to you on the phone but not in person is either friend zoning you or does not want people to know that she has feelings for you for some reason. You should just gently ask her about it, because you don't want to continue courting her if she doesn't want to be courted, it's a waste of time for you both!

[Birch123]

Stop being her text buddy/phone pal. That way she'll have something to talk about in person with you. :surprise:

 

If you want to date her don't do friendzone stuff like be her male gal-pal on the phone and then let her ignore you in person and turn you down for dates.

 

The only things is, when I try to talk to her I.E. meeting her at lunch, we just say hi and nod awkwardly. Even if I haven't text her in a while the same thing happens. I can tell her friends sense it too so now everything that happens in person is awkward.

[Birch123]

I never realized I liked her until her two friends confronted me about it and I'm pretty sure she knows that they know and vice versa. When I brought up the idea of meeting in the study hall before school officially starts, she just says we'll have to see after I asked her if there was another time. So when I'm near her friends it's pretty awkward too.

[Wiseman2]

Ok that's a start. just keep being friendly if she's shy.

When I brought up the idea of meeting in the study hall before school officially starts, she just says we'll have to see after I asked her if there was another time.

[Birch123]

What should I talk about at times to hint at another date? And how do I tell she's not just rejecting me kindly?

[Birch123]

I don't know. It sounds like she has friend zoned you and you kind of happily stayed in the friend zone hoping it would develop into something else. When you talk on the phone, what do you talk about? Have you asked her for another date at all? Maybe bring the subject up while you are on the phone with her, since that's when she seems to be more open with you.

 

In my experience though, shy or not, a girl who will talk to you on the phone but not in person is either friend zoning you or does not want people to know that she has feelings for you for some reason. You should just gently ask her about it, because you don't want to continue courting her if she doesn't want to be courted, it's a waste of time for you both!

 

We mostly talk about our school days and I sometimes compliment her on the high achievements she's accomplishing. Over the phone I mean